Ok so I found this site randomly and thought I would message.....I'm a father of twin boys, I'm not with their mother and try to see the boys when I can (I do not live near them) my ex and myself split When she was pregnant as I wasn't a good father to be or partner (hard to admit) I regret how I use to treat my ex as she is the only woman I ever loved and deeply still do.. You know the saying you don't know what you have until you lose them.....my ex hates my guts and I do not blame her! I'm not a hands on father when I'm with the boys and I think she hates me being near them due to this reason but obv I can't admit this to my friends and they all think different...I've tried getting over my ex but it's hard when I still have to see her..since I have been single I've been with woman but nothing serious, however the last woman I was seeing for about 4 months & got pregnant after a month of "being together". ! I was shocked and wondered if she trapped me, she's very jealous that I see my boys and ex and tries to be very controlling, I do care for her but it isn't love..I'm trying to make it work for the child's sake but so ashamed that I haven't told any1 apart from my ex yet about baby (I didn't want ex finding out via some1 else) if this relationship didn't work my ex would have a field day as she already thinks I'm a crap father and my family think I'm so stupid having another baby when I hardly put in the effort with the ones I already have (I'm not perfect and being a father doesn't come naturally to me) I don't live with new girlfriend but we plan to live together once baby is born! Ok so I should of used protection- lession learnt! I can't afford to fund 3 kids and cracks are already showing in new relationship as of course we don't know each other well....I'm not asking for sympathy or to be judged just if someone else has been with someone after such little time & if the relationship tends to work out ? Or just some friendly advice please
Hi Peter-ace
I so agree with Anna about moving in with g/f when the baby arrives. Perhaps as time goes on you'll feel closer - or not...
Good to see you here.
Hi Peter-ace,
I also agree with the moving in issue!
In the meantime you have yourself identified that you need some help with parenting issues - hat off to your honesty! - and to ask for it is the first step in the right direction.
Try doing something with your boys that you may find fun, too, or something that requires you to be really silly and being a child yourself! You might find you'll enjoy that more than you think?
Good luck!
Hi Peter-ace and welcome to One Space
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Thank you for your honesty, it sounds as though you have learnt quite a few lessons over the years.
How old are your boys? You say that fatherhood has not come naturally and that if fine, I think a lot of people don't find it comes naturally, if you are faced with babies from the minute of the day, you have to become acclimatised, so I see that you are finding it tough. Would you consider a parenting programme? You are obviously a parent who cares, so that is a great starting point! Do you want to be the best father you can to the boys? If they are very small, your relationship will grow as they do.
It sounds as though the mother of your boys is very upset with you, however you are continuing to have access and I am sure as long as you show your boys that you are there for them, time will prove that you aren't going to continue in your previous fashion (of letting her down) Ultimately all she will want is that the boys don't get hurt and that you are a good role model to them.
You made your bed, when your ex was pregnant and so now you have to lie in it, how you do that is your choice. You feel that you still love her, the best way to show this is to do the above.
OK, so your current situtation - your current girlfriend is pregnant. Whether she did it to trap you or not, you seem to have learnt your lesson - to use protection. (There's some fatherly advice for your boys!)
I would think carefully before embarking on a new journey of domestic bliss - 'for the childs sake'. A child thrives on two healthy happy parents, not two unhappy ones. Does your current girlfriend know how you feel, or have you been 'keeping up appearances?'
I am wondering how far gone the pregnancy is, as a frank talk is much needed here.
it is understandable that your family are all concerned, however now it is your time to show that you can stand up to your mistakes and make the best of the situation. None of this is your children's fault.
No one can tell whether a relationship will work out in the future, however all relationships take hard work and truth, love & honesty are the foundations.
When is the new baby due?