This site is an archive of the OneSpace Forums. Return to forum index.
This site is an archive of the OneSpace Forums. Return to forum index.
Hi everyone,
I split from my ex nearly 3 and a half years ago, after he had an affair, he moved in with her pretty much as soon as we split up. He told me today that he has asked her to marry him and he she has said yes. I know it is silly, but this has really upset me and I wondered how others in the same situation have dealt with it?
We got divorced nearly a year ago and i guess i knew it was going to happen at some point. The hurtful thing is that when we were together, he was never romantic and treated me pretty badly, I left my home town and a good job to move 160 milesaway as he was in the forces so i am now stuck here being a working single mum with no family around. He rang me to tell me that he surprised her on her 40th birthday as he wasnt meant to be there and he proposed to her. I know it is silly but it hurts that he wasnt like that with me and when we were together he never made the effort to do anything as a family, but he does now.
when he told the kids, my son came off the phone all excited telling me daddy was getting married and she was going to be his stepmum, i got upset in front of the kids which i am annoyed with myself about!
I guess i would just appreciate some advice on how to deal with this and the best way to move forward, i dont love him but its hard as we were married and I did think i would be spending the rest of my life with him
Thanks
sam x
I'm guessing that as I stopped loving The Git a few years before I left that it was far, far easier for me.
He was looking on Christian websites for a new partner before I left. With the first fiance there was the threat of him moving away, and drama over contact. He married the third fiance... I think by then it was a thank goodness scenario rather than the children having to face more fiances...
The children got excited with each engagement.
At FiL's funeral they were walking hand in hand. MiL says that they gaze lovingly into each others eyes which actually makes her feel nauseous 
. I didn't have that.
I hope you're ok Sam
Hi Sam.W
It is always a shock when we hear this news, as you say, you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with him.
I am wondering if it is because he told you how he did it that is hurting so much? He is talking to you like a friend, when actually he betrayed your trust three and a half years ago, why would you want to hear this?
You are feeling alone and perhaps a little lost because you are living in an area not of your choice and he seems to have left you and your family and happily got on with his life.
When my daughters father met someone else, I was devastated, even though he wasn't a good partner to me. They went on holiday abroad and did lots of exciting things that I had always wanted to do, but we never did and I was left holding the baby, whilst he got on with his life. I then met 'the new woman' and she was lovely. This then became more confusing because I wanted to hate her. Anyway long story short after 2.5 years he started to treat her like he did me and good for her, she kicked him out pretty sharpish!
So now is the time to perhaps start thinking about what Sam.W the independent woman wants. Time to make some new things happen in your life. You have been keeping everything stable for yourself and the children since the breakup, but you are now Back in Control of your life.
If you could do anything for you right now, what would it be? Would you like to move closer to your family?
Thanks for the replies. Its just reassuring to know that others have felt the same! I was just annoyed with myself for getting upset in front of the kids, but its hard as i had been with him since I was 16 so he was a big part of my life!
It was my sons birthday today and it has just reiterated to me how rubbish my ex is, he didnt ring him to speak to him until half seven this evening, i had to sort presents from him and he hasnt sent a card although that may arrive tomorrow.
He was a rubbish husband and dad when we were together and i just dont like the fact that he makes more of an effort with his gf!
I would like to move back nearer to family, I have been for two job interviews which were unfortunately unsuccessful. Im not sure whether i can keep going through the stress of more job interviews!
Sam
Happy Birthday to your son, and I do hope you enjoyed the day.
Thanks sparkling, we did have a lovely day, went to the cinema to watch brave which was very funny. We are going out for the day tom to a train place, which he will love!
Happy Birthday to your son and hope you have a lovely time today.
Don't be downhearted about the job interviews, it will happen as it is meant to and if the move is what you want then do conmtinue to pursue it.
Thanks, I am still looking for jobs but it is so hard to know what to do for the best. I am lucky with my current job in that it is quite flexible, I work 26 hours, I get to drop the kids to schol every day and pick them up three days a week,the other two days they go to an afterschool club. I would probably end up in doing a full time job so would be paying a lot more for childcare. It is hard enough juggling work and the kids with the hours I do so not really know how I would cope with working full time! I guess i just have to keep plodding along and se what turns up! x
Sam I really am a believer in things working out the way they are meant to so maybe it is just that the right thing for you hasn't popped up yet.
Hello Sam.W,
I'm so sorry that you feel hurt. I have never been in this situation myself however my daughters father got a stranger pregnant when our daughter was only 4 months old (shes now 1-just ) Althou I left him while I was pregnant as he treated me & bump badly and i do not care for him or have feelings , I felt hurt as he has never been much of a father to A but will be playing the loving dad daily to his future child- which hurt me & still does , then I heard he's going to pop the question to this woman he bearly knows as she's having his baby, which also upset me as he made no effort towards me or showed love while I was pregnant,
I think your feelings are totally normal, although you have moved on you still had a life together and have children together.. I think most parents would be hurt to hear their child call another person stepmum or stepdad so don't be to hard on yourself
This woman may become "stepmum" but that's only a title and your son knows your his mummy. Sometimes we do cry infront of our children- your not in the wrong for that, it was a natural reaction which you could not control! By the sounds of it your child/children gets along with her which may hurt you but it's good for them.
Best of luck