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Just wanted to know if their was anyone out there who has a child who does'nt see their dad?.
I have noticed alot of people on are seperated, so the kids still see the parent thats no longer living with them.
My son is only 15 months, but has never known his dad, his dad takes no interest in him whatsoever and washed his hands of us. when he was born, he has seen him twice, last time was when he was 3months old.
I'm not particularly bothered me as i have no feelings for this man, except anger and hatred,but it does bother me the way he is treating his son, but i don't show these feelings to my son and never will. it is hard though and i do feel guilty that i met someone like this and bought my son into something like this, i know the questions are going to come when his older, like where's my daddy? and why does'nt he see me? and then i'm so worried this will cause him to feel rejected, i can and will give him all the love as much as i can, but its hard just being one parent, he only has me, i find myself panicking about if anything should happen to me and my parents aren't around. He's dad will probably have him be put in care.
i know thats just me over-reacting and thats my fears coming into play. My brother would'nt allow it nor would any other members of my family. But late at night when they are asleep, I can't help worrying. On a lighter note we have a very deep bond and he is such a happy child, I have a bit of family support, although my parents are abroad, so it can be hard at times.
i hope he turns out to be a balanced young man and i will try my damned hardest to make sure this does'nt affect him in anyway.
I just wondered if anyone was in the same predicament as us and what do they do to cope?
Hello afrofunk
It hurts, doesn't it, when the other parent doesn't seem to love our beautiful child? Your boy deserves so much better and I hope that he will find lots of good adults around him as he grows up. It is great that he has such a good uncle :)
As to questions, you have to tread the line between honesty and kindness. I have a few suggestions, take them or leave them as to how you feel.When he asks where his daddy is you could answer honestly and say I dont know, he doesnt live with us. When he is older and wants to know all the whys and wherefores, you could say daddy has a very busy job and so we never see him, but I am glad because I have got you all to myself and you are the most wonderful boy in the world and mummy will always be here for you. Be prepared that at some time in the future, especially if his dad goes on to have other children, there may suddenly be a request to see your son again. Such a meeting would need to be handled very carefully and of course it depends in the meantime if his dad has sent gifts on birthdays etc and your son is aware of his existence. However, don't fret about that just now, and just get on with the business of being a good mum, I am sure you are doing a great job ;)
Re the legal side of things, appointing a Guardian is more watertight if the other parent does not have parental responsiiblity ie on the birth certificate after December 2003 or married to the mother. You could also consider getting someone else to have Parental Responsibility. This requires the consent of the other parent or you can take it to court and prove that the other adult is involved with the child as if they were their parent. You may not need to be doing anything about PR now but as sparkling lime says, it is a good idea to make a will at the very least. You can read more about these subjects by going to our Home Page and clicking on the Info Library link on the left hand menu and then the section "Legal Rights". It is set out very clearly in this section and easy for non-legal people to understand. :?
Take care
Louise
Hi afrofunk
When my daughter was small I used to fret massively over my daughter not seeing her dad and it was only when a very good friend (who doesn't know her dad) turned around and said to me, you can't miss what you don't have. Some children may fantasise about an absent parent, but if they are being raised in a healthy and stable environment, these will only be passing fantasies.
I was making a much bigger deal of it than i needed to. As long as I cooled down about it and saw it as normal and acceptable my daughter would follow my lead. Personally I am against covering for the other parent as I think children shouldn't be led to believe that a busy job, or living far away is any good reason to not have reliable contact, I think it just teaches our children that their other parents job, new family, lifestyle is more important than them. And then they will grow to treat others the same way. And it may not even be true! Honesty with consideration in my opinion is the only way forward.
I also want to add that (again in my personal opinion) raising your child on your own is a damn sight easier than with a useless, unreliable, waste of space that you have to consider too.
:D I know I got a bit over the top there, apologies ;)
Hi afrofunk
When my daughter was small I used to fret massively over my daughter not seeing her dad and it was only when a very good friend (who doesn't know her dad) turned around and said to me, you can't miss what you don't have. Some children may fantasise about an absent parent, but if they are being raised in a healthy and stable environment, these will only be passing fantasies.
I was making a much bigger deal of it than i needed to. As long as I cooled down about it and saw it as normal and acceptable my daughter would follow my lead. Personally I am against covering for the other parent as I think children shouldn't be led to believe that a busy job, or living far away is any good reason to not have reliable contact, I think it just teaches our children that their other parents job, new family, lifestyle is more important than them. And then they will grow to treat others the same way. And it may not even be true! Honesty with consideration in my opinion is the only way forward.
I also want to add that (again in my personal opinion) raising your child on your own is a damn sight easier than with a useless, unreliable, waste of space that you have to consider too.
:D I know I got a bit over the top there, apologies ;)
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
I quite agree... 8-)
Hi
I have just joined today, so am finding my way around. My son who is 7 in two weeks times doesnt have a father figure. He didn't want to know. When my son started nursery, he started to ask if he had a dad!!!!! I explained that of course he did, and then told a story about how his father was 'scared' of babies, like some people are scared of dogs. Months went by, and my son asked more questions. He then asked if he could one day speak to him. (My worst nightmare) I tracked the father down in Spain, but he really wasn't interested. He pays no maintenance, so life is a struggle most of the time. I always tell my son that as long as we have love, food on the table, and clothes on our back, then we are doing great!!!!
My little lad has made his own mind up over his father, and doesn't really want to know him. I do worry about what will happen if anything happens to me, but I have written letters, and hopefully my son will end up with the person i want him to go too.
Hello alisoncam
How sad for your little son to have to feel so rejected by his dad, and how lucky he is to have a fab mum like you :D AS you say, he will make up his own mind and as was said on another thread, one thing that can be hlepful with boys is to make sure they have some good male role models around them as they grow. This seems to become particularly important as they hit age 11 or so.
Have a look on the One Space home page and there is some information about appointing guardians: here's a link to the exact bit for you:http://www.parentingalone.org.uk/articles/legal-rights/guardianship
Hi Louise
Thankyou for the direct link, and for your kind words. :D . It is hard being a single mum, but at the same time it is so rewarding. Last week I took my son to meet his half sister. I made contact with them earlier this year. I had always known about the 8 year old sister, but it came as a complete shock for her mother to learn about my son. The father has nothing to do with her either! Anyhow, they live quite a way from us, but I promised my son that we would get there in the holidays. It cost £70 on the coach, but he spent four days getting to know his older sister.
My sons father should have given out the information earlier, then the two kids have shared more of their childhood together, but that's how selfish he is. I am positive there are more kids out there. He is a selfish man through and through.
Boy it is good to vent my feelings on here! :P
Take care all, and keep smiling.
xxxx
That must have taken courage to make contact. I'm so glad the two are getting to know each other.
How do you get on with his half-sister's mum?
Yes I was thinking that as well, it is really a great thing if our children can have contact with their extended family even if "biological" parents are not in the pcicture.
Just wanted to know if their was anyone out there who has a child who does'nt see their dad?.
Mine don't see their mum, she doesn't want to, they haven't seen here since last December and before that it was sporadic.
They don't ask about her, they don't seem to be suffering, it is what is normal to them. Maybe things will change as they get older, they are only five and six at the moment.
But so far so good : )
Hi. I am in the same situation. My ex has not seen our son since he was 6 months old. He's now two.
It's such a hard situation to be in and so worrying. My son hasnt started asking questions yet. I constantly worry about what i will say to him. How do you explain to a child that their parent cant be bothered to see him?. I think they do need to know about their absent parent and that it should include positive things (if possible). I think the more we worry about it the more the kids will aswell so ive tried to relax about it as much as i can.
Its a very hard situation to be in. Its hard to know what to do and say to the child for the best. Im going to do my best to answer all his questions honestly but gently, tell him all about his dad and explain to him as much as i can.
I have just ordered a book - Do i have a daddy from amazon and hope that this will help my son understand and realize he is not alone.
I thought their was hardly anyone else in this situation. Its sad that so many parents can abandon their children like this but reassuring that were not the only ones and can share our stories and advice.
Hi
I am in the very same situation. When my son (7 in 4 days) started asking if he had a dad, at a young age, I didn't really know how to answer, so I said of course he did, but his father was scared of babies, like some people are scared of dogs. (Of course I knew that story wouldn't last for long). When my son got to nursery, more questions were asked, like the colour of eyes, what did he look like etc. Then the day I dreaded came, my son asked me to call him to see if he was still scared of babies. "Mummy, I'm not a baby anymore, so tell him not to be scared". I had no choice but to track the father down. Turned out he was in Spain. I got that info from his own father. I explained what I wanted his number for, and he was delighted to hear he had another grandchild. I got such a good response from him, that I asked if he would like to meet up somewhere. "No way, am I getting involved in this" he said, and promptly put the phone down!!!
Sorry, sidetracked there for a mo. Back to the sperm doner. I texted him with my number, and said his child would like to know him. After a few nasty texts claiming he didn't have a child with me, he finally agreed to ring me, so we could chat first. (Baring in mind, he didn't even know if my child was a girl or boy, he didn't even bother to ask for that info). Eventually, he got chatting to my son, and I agreed that he could ring him every fortnight. I told the sperm doner that he had to maintain the contact, and wasn't to let him down. Boy oh boy, has he done that.
He came for a visit to England Feb 2008, had a week over here, but my son took 2nd place to other committments, ie, pub, horses, bingo, mates. Phone calls dwindled off once he returned to spain, June 2009, he came over again.
Sorry, ran out of space!!!
The same thing happened. Hardly spent time with my son. (My son doesn't call him Dad). A 6 year old told the adult that he was naughty because he never saw him or his 8 year old daughter (another story).
My son asked me if it was ok to ask for some money, £10. (He has never paid toward my son). The sperm doner said, I don't have any money, ask your mother. I was livid, and ashamed to say in front of my son, I exploded. I then told him, that he was a useless piece of s...., couldn't give the lad £10 because he needed it for drink or gambling.
I spoke to my son later, and he was ok about it. He just said that we didn't need (sperm doner's) money, we had each other, and we didn't need him.
I realise that might change in a month, year or whatever, but for now, there hasn't been any contact. My son is 7 on Saturday, and I doubt if he'll even get a card.
I have gone on a bit haven't I, Sorry.
Children make their own minds up. Just being a good parent and having someone around constantly who loves them is all they need really, (well, not all they need, but hopefully you know what I mean)
Take care all, sorry this was so long :o
Alison
x
Hi jennyj
The book sounds good. Do let us know about it when you receive it and maybe some other people can use it? I agree that whatever you do, it is hard and there is a fine line to be trodden between keeping your child's security intact and being honest. The worst thing of all is when the other parent's neglect is hurtful to your child. I always found that infuriating! :x (and lots has been written on these boards about it) It also puts us under extra pressure to be really fab parents, and no-one can be fab all the time. So we need to find outlets for our anger and sadness so that they don't "leak out" to our children.
Take care
Hello alisoncam
Don't apologise, it is great that you can share your story and share your feelings. We can be one of the "safety valves" for parents to vent their anger/sadness/whatever about their situation, and many of us have been there and can truly understand. It is important to be able to let off steam
isn't it? Sometimes I used to think I would explode with fury!!
It is really, really hard when your boy asks questions about his dad. By the way, it is Ok to say ""I don't know" sometimes.....As he gets older you can maybe acknowledge his feelings without expressing yours, something like "I can see that you are really sad and angry about what has happened. That's Ok for you to feel like that. The main thing is that you and me are together and I love you so much and I always want to be with you and will never leave you" Yet more tongue-biting!!!!!!!
Take care,alisoncam
Hi Louise
My tongue gets very sore sometimes :x . Actually I think the really bad times are when the sperm doner doesn't acknowledge his son at birthdays and christmas. I think that is when it is extremely difficult to explain the reasons why. The sperm doner actually tried to tell my son that it was very difficult to send stuff from abroad, as there weren't many post boxes!!!! (He's in Spain). My son had just turned 6 at the time, so I told him that yes indeed there were boxes. I then told the sperm doner that if he couldn't be honest, then don't bother spilling lies to my son.
Thankyou for your advice.
My son woke up this morning, and asked if I could be his slave for the day!!!!!!!!!!! I replied, "I've been your slave buddy for the past 7 years" Where do they get these ideas from?????? (Have to say, I always smile at things he says!!!
Take care
Alison
x :)
Hay Louise & Alison! My kids never ask about their mum.. should I ask them?
I sometimes wonder what they are thinking but I don't want to ask in case it's better if I don't. They haven't seen her since December, she has said she doesn't want to see them any more, I did tell them and my son suggested that maybe she was stressed and so I went with that.. I know that she's pregnant, has probably had the baby by now, so I suppose she is trying to move on in her own world with a new baby, I dunno.
I have caught my daughter on two occasions referring to my sister as her mum, she knows she isn't of course, we were at some friends house and she said to someone that she had one of those (a toy) at her mums house, meaning my sisters house, I did correct here. She comes up in conversation periodically though not for a few months now, they might say mummy gave us this when they come across a toy or something like that, mummy got me this shirt, stuff like that.
There was about a year of pretty regular contact up until the beginning of last summer and before that it was on off. When we first left her they didn't see her for about seven months and then it was sporadic at the best of times until about two years ago when CAFCASS sorted a contact centre. So they know who she is but I think they associate here with contact centres and presents and sweets and not like I imagine you would think of a mum, but they are kids so I dunno. I'm not overly worried about it, I was just wondering, should I ask them about it all or just wait until they start asking me?
Reading this thread has got me thinking as I know I think about her from time to time and wonder what's happening, so I suppose they must too, though how and in what way I don't know.
Thanx.
Hi Bubblegum
How old are your children? You say they sometimes mention their mum, when they get out a toy or something. Perhaps at times like those, you could maybe start a conversation by telling them that whenever they want to talk about their mum, then that is ok, and you will try and answer all the questions they might have. I think children try to protect their parent too. Your sister must have a great relationship with your children. I wish sometimes that my son had a 'father figure' around.
It sounds like you are doing a terrific job with your kids. I am new on here, but I have been reading through old posts, so I can sort of get to know everybody, and what they have been, (and still are) going through.
Take care
Alison
x :)
Hi alisoncam. It seems like your ex gets his attitude from his own father! At least your son knows that it's wrong to abandon people. I know that if i tracked my ex down he would be the same. I have thought about it a lot and don't really know what to do for the best. I think you did the right thing by finding him though. I hope my son never asks me to but if he does i will.
Hi louise.
Just got the book do i have a daddy this morning. Its quite good. Its about a little boy who doesnt know his dad, he asks his mum lots of questions and she explains that some children dont see their daddies for different reasons. Its not brilliant as on one page it says 'if i get married you will have another daddy' - not sure about that!. There is a section at the back for parents that gives some good advice about answering your childs questions.
Hi jenny
I was dreading the day when my son started asking questions. I knew the day would come, and I had answers in my head, but still it was very difficult. I think you do what you can for your children. Even when the sperm doner hadn't rung when he should have, and my son asked if i would text him to remind him, I did it (through gritted teeth). I know my son will make his own mind up about his father, and right now, the sperm doner doesn't have any good points from my son. The sperm doner also has a daughter aged 8. He has no contact with her either, but earlier this year, I finally got the number, and we have been in touch ever since. They live quite far from us, but a few weeks ago, we visited them. It was lovely to see my son, and his half sister having fun together. The sperm doner has missed out on so much, and he will never have the happy memories that we have. (Just like your child's father). When the day comes jenny, I am sure you will make the right decision, (even if it hurts you to do so).
Take care
Alison
x :)
Thanks alison and your right their fathers are missing out on so much.
That's interesting about the book, jennyj but strange about the getting married thing. Maybe you could miss that out when you read it with him OR (have seen this done) sellotape a piece of paper over the words you don't like and write on it words you do like.
Bubblegum, I think what alisoncam says about just giving the children the opportunity to talk, is a really great suggestion, sometimes our children don't discuss things in case they hurt us. Of course, they might just not be bothered about discussing her! ;)
Alisoncam, I had to giggle at the "slave" comment. when my son was about the same age, he wrote a story at school where someone offered to be another boy's slave. His spellin was never of the best and so he wrote it as "slef". The word has now become "slef" in our house,and when anyone makes an unreasonable demand, the other person will say to them "Huh! Do you think I am your slef" ? :lol:
Hi Louise
'Slef' is just lovely. :lol: I absolutely love it when kids can't pronounce, mis spell etc
(I think I just have with that)! My friends little boy couldn't say McDonalds, so always says, 'can we go to I'm luving it'.
It's these little things that bring such big smiles to our faces isn't it? Bless their cotton socks!
Take care
Alison
x :)
Hi bubblegum
You sound concerned that the children don't ask about their mum. I don't think you need to be, I think it is good to sometimes mention her if it is appropriate, like if you know that a song or clothes or something is a particular reminder of her. Or if they mention someone else's mum and sound wistful etc, but it sounds as if you have all of this under wraps!
I agree that some children don't mention the other parent because it has been said that they are protecting one or other of the parents, however, I think if we are open and honest and approachable about everything, they know they can talk to us if necessary.
If you feel that she hasn't been mentioned for a while and you want to gauge their reaction to her, you could discuss an old family holiday, (I know they are young) or find an old photo and say you stumbled across it, do they remember that particular day.
You are the best judge of how much she needs to be talked about and from getting to know you, I am sure that they are scared of raising the topic, maybe they are just completely content and fulfilled with their life as it is, without any emotional upheaval (or sweets!!)
I absolutely agree with you jennyj and alisoncam, the other parent is missing out on SOOO much, you wonder how they can? So slefish!!
You sound concerned that the children don't ask about their mum.
No not really, I would just like to be 100% sure everything is OK in their little heads... but then I don't suppose I ever will really, maybe when they are all grown up we might sit down and have a chat about it all.
Right now everything seems OK.
Just reading this thread got me thinking is all..
Like there was a thread a while ago about someone's Ex partner returning and demanding contact and upsetting everything again and after reading that I kept worrying that that was going to happen to me : )
Because ultimately she can just appear at any time and say she wants to see them and we all have to trundle off to court again. Luckily the last time she changed her mind CAFCASS said no and since then we've not heard from her... but it's always there in the back of my mind when ever it's all going nicely I'm thinking it's going to end soon and go back to the stressful times..
If that all makes sense.
The main thing, don't let worrying about what she might do next overshadow the lovely times you have with your children.
Are your children back at school now, Bubblegum?
but it's always there in the back of my mind when ever it's all going nicely I'm thinking it's going to end soon and go back to the stressful times..
I know that feeling bubblegum!
Oh yes, is your youngest starting school this year??
Quote:
but it's always there in the back of my mind when ever it's all going nicely I'm thinking it's going to end soon and go back to the stressful times..
I know that feeling bubblegum!
I actually got an email from my CAFCASS officer today, first one in ages, out of the blue... I nearly choked on my lunch when I saw it, my heart sank, but on reading it it was just to say she'd been given some stuff for the kids via my wife's social worker..
phewwwwww : )
(I knew when I mentioned her above I was tempting fate...)
Oh yes, is your youngest starting school this year??
My daughter has just started her second year of full time.. I know as I'm counting down the years until she's seven and the holiday is over : )
(I knew when I mentioned her above I was tempting fate...)
Isn't it strange how these things happen. I have had many incidences like this over the years. I hope the stuff was nice?
Hope you're ok bubblegum
Hope you're ok bubblegum
I am thanx, I'm always OK on Friday nights as it's wine night : )
It was my daughters birthday at the beginning of August so I expect the stuff is something to do with that : )
Is it easier to deal with knowing there's a reason? I get quite suspicious if their father seems them for two weeks on the trot.
Enjoy your wine. I might just open the Rose I have - I keep looking at it... Just the eldest is working until 10pm, so it won't be until a lot later. :)
Is it easier to deal with knowing there's a reason?
I have no problems either way really, what ever happens happens and then I deal with it, I'm used to it now.. she comes and she goes, sort of in waves, it's always about her generally.
Random gifts when she thinks she has to be acting like a mum, when she feels down and maybe gets an inkling of what she is loosing, she starts feeling like she should act like a mother, like her mother... and she buy lots of things to display her love. I would guess that any estranged mother would think about her children when it's around their birthdays.. ?
I don't really know the reason and it's been long enough now for me to stop worrying and just deal with what's happening : ) But I expect it's just that around the birth of her children she stops to think about them more and who knows, but I expect a certain amount of regret and then guilt comes in and then she asks her mum for some money and the buys them a load of plastic junk.
Excuse my bitterness : )
(I'm not really I'm just seeing it how I see it and making comment)
later : )
Bitterness excused!
I think it is great that you see what is what and take it from there. From your posts you have been through tough times with your ex, but you now see things very factually and deal with stuff as and when it comes. It is a good lesson for us all. :)
Did your daughter have a good birthday?
Did your daughter have a good birthday?
She did, yeah : ) here is a pic...
That's such a love pic! Glad she had a good birthday.
You don't sound bitter bubblegum, it's just how it is...
More hugs, if you need them.
And isn't it good? Saturday and no rain for us (yet!).
Aaaah, she looks divine.
Thanks for posting it. I know you have posted on the Family Quilt already, but can you send that one too??
Aaaah, she looks divine.
Thanks for posting it. I know you have posted on the Family Quilt already, but can you send that one too??
Thanx : ) but don't encourage me or I'll be posting one a day before you know it and then the quilt will just become another of my many online photo albums : )
But thanx for liking my picture of my daughter : )
:)
Well it wouldn't look like another of your online albums......IF OTHER PEOPLE POSTED ON IT. hint hint!
Hope your day is good :)
Well it wouldn't look like another of your online albums......IF OTHER PEOPLE POSTED ON IT. hint hint!
ha : )
Hope your day is good :)
As a matter of fact it's going badly, I went to our local yearly music festival thing, Llanfest*, last night with the kids, we were up till 12 dancing and drinking, I was drinking not the kids, though they did keep asking but I told them I would be failing as a parent if I gave them beer : )
Anyway.. at 12 my daughter said can we go to bed now please daddy, not something I'm used to hearing her say : ) so we went and got into our tent, unfortunately the field was full of drunk teenagers in tents not doing much sleeping, just singing and crying and shouting ALL night : )
So I got a bit drunk and didn't get much sleep and to top it all off I didn't drink my bottle of wine I took with me and now it's staring at me demanding to be drunk and I feel a bit ill... and my legs hurt from all the jumping up and down with my kids on my shoulders.
* It was actually amazing really, thoroughly enjoyed it as did the kids, it's very kid friendly, under 16's get in for free, bouncy castles that sort of thing. Towards the end my kids went wandering round picking up all the discarded glow sticks, another reason I couldn't get to sleep as the tent was all lit up like a Christmas tree inside : )
Hi bubblegum, glad to hear that we have a responsible parent who doesn't share his alcohol with his children!!
It sounds like lots of fun and great that your daughter recognised that she had really had enough! I live in an area where there are a lot of students, I still can't get used to them rolling home and being incredibly drunk and stupid, while I am tucked up n bed, so I can empathise with you on that one!
I hope that you can pack your children off to school happily tomorrow then you can spend the day relaxing and resting you bed, so you are vital daddy again by 3pm!
Leave the bottle of wine alone, it will still be there on Friday! :)
Have a good eve.
That does sound bril bubblegum.
I love glowsticks - I get them on ebay for the scouts...
Leave the bottle of wine alone, it will still be there on Friday! :) .
damn.. if only you'd posted earlier..
bugger!
Hi bubblegum, glad to hear that we have a responsible parent who doesn't share his alcohol with his children!!
Ooops!
They get a sherry glass of wine with Sunday dinner at my sisters house, it's how I was introduced to alcohol and I think it served me well, I was never one for getting plastered as a teenager : )
not much anyway....
:)
My 3 yr old daughter doesnt see her dad she always asks if she has 1 and i say hes at work so now she just says my daddy always has to work i dont know what else to say...its very hard...i sent him fathers day/xmas/birthday cards and he NEVER responds...he just isnt interested so sfter 3yrs of trying...He is now married with a baby on the way...I even said he and his wife could stay at my home as its a long journey and i would go somewhere for a w.end...I know I have tried my best...I just feel awful/guilty she doesnt have a daddy....Hopefully it wont affect her....
Hi yummymummyRK
It is very common for a parent to feel guilty if the other parent is not "up to the ark" but the fact remains that it is not your fault, you can't make someone do something and you have concentrated all your efforts into being a good mum yourself!
You might be interested to read our article about parents who are not in their child's life, click here to see it.
Hi yummymummyRK Louise is right it sounds like you have done all you could to help your daughters father have some sort of relationship with her, it is not your fault or responsibility that he chooses not to have contact, so you have nothing to feel guilty about.
I know this is easier said than done, when you have a child asking "where is daddy" or "why don't i have a daddy" it hits you right in the heart strings, there are some books directed at young children to help explain this sort of thing.
There is a book "Do i have a Daddy?" by Jeanne Warren Lindsay or "Why don't i have a Daddy?" by George Anne Clay. There are other books to cover a range of other issues aswell if this is something that you feel may be helpful?
Does your daughter go to Nursery? what do you like to do in your spare time any hobbies?
Hi yummymummy. I agree with what the others have said. You've done your best to get this man involved, so you certainly don't have anything to be guilty about. I do know it's hard though.
Blimey, reading this thread again, I found one of my first ones. 25th August 2009. Wow, been here forever, and growing old gracefully with One Space lol
As well as changes to One Space, I've had changes too of course. The biggest one I guess is getting a job. Things are certainly easier for me at the moment, C's father hasn't been here since 2009, but together my darling boy and I are doing absolutely fine.
Hi
One thing you could do is have a Will, so that you can appoint a Guardian for your son should anything happen to you. Make sure the person you appoint agrees to this (your brother maybe?) so that should the unthinkable happen, you know the welfare of your son will be in good hands.
My children do see their father, but I do have a Will appointing a friend as Guardian, with my family ready to fight to stop their father being granted custody. It might fail, but the children will understand why I've done what I have via letters I have written for them.
My children are a lot older now, and I will change my Will when my eldest is 18 so he can be Guardian to his siblings.
The Will is one I've written out myself, but is witnessed, and my brother and a very good friend who dislikes my ex loads ready to help fight the children's needs!
I'm afraid I can't suggest anything about ways of answering questions about his dad when he's older. I think enough honesty so that he doesn't think life with his dad would be wonderful, while not quite running his father into the ground either. I do know someone who has a 9 year old son who's not had a father in his life, and he's a very grounded boy.
Stabilily is what children need, and that is what your son has with you.
Best wishes