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Hi
Ive just found out my dad is being beaten up by the woman he is a freind/carer for.
She has cerebal palsey. Mentally she is 100% perfect infact she could test my brains physically she can walk but badly but has a lot of weigh behing her.
She has my dad running here there and everywhere he even feeds her when she is capable of doing it herself.
2 weeks ago she gave him a right belt and blacked his eye quite badly. He left her very abled friend (who likes a drink) went home.
Midnight there was a knock on the door he was in bed - my daughter who live there in dads house answered and it was the police - my dad 66 fast asleep was dragged out of bed arrested for assult put in a cell until morning then sent home in the morning.
LIVID is not the word. I have told this 'friend ' of his I will never take my children or grandchildren anywhere near her and I have told my dad I will only come to see him when he is in his own house and she is not there.
I have never felt so sick in all my life. Ive seen dad with a few black eyes before where he said he is getting old and fell - now I know the truth i dont know what to do - dad has taken her on holiday - im worries sick what she might do to him - if she wasnt disabled I would have been round there and give her what for.
Anyone have any ideas what I do? Sorry about the ramble im sure ive missed something
HM
I'm sorry your dad's going through this.
Hi happy mamma
I would echo Anna's comments but just as when someone is being abused by a partner, it is ultimately up to the victim what they decide to do, and that's really hard for you. It is also one of the reasons victims of abuse become so isolated as people get frustrated when they will not take action. So one thing I would add is please stay supporting your dad however much he is in denial about this and however despairing you may feel if he will not take action.
Thanks everyone - he will admit its her - ive not gone storming in but have had a full text rant and told her if she dares do it again i will be taking further action - police ect
Hes home Saturday so im going to try and see him. He is a carer and a friend we have known her since i was a child she knew my mum well and thinkl she played on that to befriend my dad when mum died.
My daughter is not happy and wants to protect her granddad but she wont get involved as she is a full time working mum but she will keep us up to date.
Its hard because this person is classed as diasbled and she is physically but like ive said mentally she is very clever.
Thanks for your advice and support - so glad my mums not here to see this but saying that dad wouldnt be in that situation if she was
HM
I can imagine this is a very difficult situation for your dad, being a friend and carer can be really trying.
I hope your dad can get some support with this.
Hi Sally
It is very difficult but Ive had lots of support and help.
Thanks to all
Hi happy mamma, I am not surprised you are livid and probably very upset.
What won't help right now is charging in and having a rant, although i am sure that is your first instinct.
What is your dad's take on this? Is he more carer or is he more friend?
I wonder if when he is back from holiday, whether you can sit down with him and calmly ask him what has been going on. That you are now wondering whether the previous black eyes are from this woman.
He may completely deny it, in which case, all you can do is be supportive and let him know gently that it is not ok and you are there to talk whenever he needs it, below are some details that you could offer him, or you may choose to contact them yourself to see how they could support him and you.
Mankind offers emotional support and practical information for men suffering abuse - Helpline - 01823 334 244
Mens Advice Line also offers advice and support for men in abusive relationships - Helpline - 0808 801 0327
This is very worrying for you, so do remember to look after yourself. How is your daughter? Have you talked to her about it?