Hi
I am not a single mother yet but I am considering it. I have been married for 12 years, 13 in March after knowing him for just 6 months. We were young and thought love could conquer all. We clearly had different visions of what we wanted our future to look like. I wanted the house and kids and a loving husband who wanted to be around us and he wanted what now appears to be the exact opposite. He sees how he can help everyone but me. At the beginning of our marriage I was in contact with my ex-boyfriend on email, inappropriate emails I would admit but I think now that I look back he had some hold me, that was something I knew and I was just getting used to this new relationship. Culturally things are very different for me as well as even though not so much my husband but his parents have very different ideas of what their role in our life should be. I feel like I am suffocating and I have no support from my husband lets call him J. Because of my contact with my ex at the beginning and 'other things' my husband thought he saw he has constantly been accusing me of cheating on him. What is ironic is up until Jan 2011 I never did. And when I did in Jan it was the worst feeling in the world. I blamed him for turning me into someone who would do that but I know that ultimately it was my decision.
He did not know about that but he is now accusing me of cheating again and of course I am not. My children are 10 and 8, boy and girl and I am really worried that I am setting a really bad example to my son of how women should be treated and to my daughter of what she should accept because she is a woman. My husband's parents converted our house and moved in so they now have a stake in ownership as far as I am concerned all the time I have been paying the mortgage and everything else I have been doing is not worth anything financially. Thing is I would like to make a clean break, I can see we are not meant to be together and I can't pretend anymore. I know he resents me but he will never leave cause he cares alot about what people think of him. everyone but me and the kids. He does very little in the household and with the kids. He gave up a secure job for a job where he can 'help people'. I think it was to get back to an environment where he felt comfortable.
We have alot of debt between us and I can afford to move and look after my kids on my salary if I had no debt. If I just had to pay rent and pay for my car I could do it. This is what I really want but I don't know where to start.
Any advice anyone can offer would be great. Apologies for this very long email and I hope someone can find the time to read it and advise me.
Thanks
Hello KimF and welcome
First of all, and this is unfortunate but true, you DO have to look at the financial aspects. I say this because if you are to make a break, you need a plan. Contact our Money Expert (click to see) for some information about the debt situation, as a first step.
You know that you have cheated on your husband; big respect to you that have accepted responsibility for this rather than saying that he "made" you do it. And that cheating, whilst it felt wrong to you, did give you a clear message about the state of your marriage so it was useful to you for that!!!! You have been unhappy for a long time and I totally understand why you want to leave. Leaving is sometimes the very bravest decision.
Have a look at the money aspect first and then see what your options are.