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leading on from a previous thread... And letting of steam rather than taking it over...
My eldest dropped a bombshell on Thursday - he was so moody.
Yes, he has got into the second year of college IF he completes a section of work he'd forgotten about by 3 May!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've reminded him of consequences if he isn't allowed back... To be fair he's come up with a plan, but is hating me for making sure he's acting on it!!
Didn't win the Eurolottery, so me moving to the outer hebrides isn't an option this week.
Heck that must have been an almighty shock for you. So he has just over a week to do it. How much is involved?
No, sorry, there is no Hebridean escape, you will have to supervise his grafting.
One question: WHY DO THEY NEVER TELL US THINGS? On a more minor note, my son goes on a college trip on 2nd May and I have asked him to find out what time I have to take him for the coach. "Oh" says he "we will be told at parade". "When is the parade?" I ask. "Durr we have it EVERY day Mum". Well yes I am psychic and knew that without ever being told, son.
I do hope your boy will get stuck into the work now, sparkling lime, you have done so much to encourage and support him.
Hahahaha!!!
He's done a brilliant plan, to be fair, and has some excellent ideas (I made him do this straight away).
He has to do a sculptor, which is the main challenge for him - I, being the genius that I am as well as perfect - suggested papier mache, which apperantly is a good idea!
Louise, surely you must have a crystal ball? My lot think I have!
Madame sparkling, look into your crystal ball and whisper next week's Lottery numbers to me.....
Papier mache sounds a great idea. Can I suggest giving him interim targets rather than just "get it finished by May 3rd", something like "finish the frame by day X" and "Finish all the papier mache by date X" and so on?
Excellent suggestion. Thank you.
He's doing my head in again...
He's stealing from me - and has admitted to taking a lot of money.
Deleted me off facebook (have always said he could, but did as him to tell me) and was making a point of showing siblings photos from a party on Saturday of him being drunk and smoking, it would seem.
What is surprising me is how I'm switching off emotionally to him. I did with his father and with the friend who's gone beyond the realms of pushing it.
I seriously think I have an issue with me too.
Oh sparkling, that is so upsetting, the stealing thing in particular.
You are talking about it as "your issue" in that you are switching off emotionally. Can I suggest that with the people you talk about (ex, and the friend, and now your son) it has been essential to switch of emotionally in order to protect yourself? I don't think that is an issue, it's a neccessity!
SO, down to practicalities. He clearly wants new freedoms, as in the private FB and the smoking/drinking, and let's face it he is 19 now and in a sense that is to be expected (not that it is nice for you, of course, I understand that but there comes an age when they make more of their own choices)
HOWEVER (and it is a big however) there is absolutely no excuse in the world for stealing from you, heck you have brought up your four young people all these years on such a limited budget. How has he been stealing the money? Cash from your purse? Borrowing your bank card? Whatever the source, change things straightaway so he can't get to it any more. Some friends of mine even installed a mini safe in their house and put anything to do with money in there, and when I went round I had to put my handbag in there too. And yet their boy is a lovely, charming lad that I would be proud to call my son...he just went through a phase that's all. Your boy must feel guilty to have confessed. I know you have had your suspicions for a while though.
He's been taking it from my purse. He's taken money from his sister too.
I have a safe, and I'm using it again - my fault for being too trusting, as it did happen when he was 15.
I have been putting petrol in his car for college and told him it has to last a week.
The other bits I don't mind, and I do accept. But I will not fund the drinking or the smoking. He now has to give receipts to me for things.
It was handy that I could ask him to shop. But not getting change was to expensive. He's cleared out all the coppers too, as there's now a change machine in Asda.
I'm quite gutted. but glad that you feel the switching off part is ok.
Thanks Louise.
I feel quite bad really putting all this down here.
Awww Sparkling, so sorry, and sending hugs your way. Don't feel bad about putting stuff down on here, though I do know what you mean. Yes, start using the safe again, if the money is in your purse, or lying around, like loose coppers, then that is a big temptation for him. I actually think you're marvellous for giving petrol money, is there no bus that he could take? Once he finds employment, I'm sure he knows he is to pay you and his sister back. Hopefully this is a phase, and he is sorry, as he's confessed it all. Perhaps he is depressed? You say he's been moody. This isn't an excuse of course, but ....... xxx
I'd have to pay the bus and it would be £5.40 a day, or £100 a term. I didn't have a £100 for the ticket, and although he has filled out paper work for funding nothing has come through yet.
He reckons he's not depressed, and he does seem happy enough otherwise...
Crikey that's a lot of money. Can he/you chase up the funding thing?
He's chasing it up tomorrow, as they finance side is only on site on a Tuesday and Wednesday.
It's going to be difficult funding him through this.
A friend of his was here earlier, and he works in Homebase, so I was quick to ask if there were any vacancies. He says there are, so he'll get him a form on Wednesday. I'm working tomorrow - wages - so can't get there any sooner. Eldest is having to make his petrol last the week.
Hope it gets sorted soon. Fingers crossly tightly for Homebase. Ooohh, that would come in handy for paint etc wouldn't it
20% off!!!!!!!!!
Not that I've asked. And he only get it after three months... Not that I've asked...
And when there's a sale, they get 20% off sale price too, even if there's mega offers on.
I've not asked or anything... 
I know you wouldn't have asked, tut! 
Wouldn't have dreamt of asking about any perks.
Kitchens. Heck wouldn't have occurred to me.
**whistles**
Hi sparklinglime, sorry to hear about your eldest, I hope that he has seen the error of his ways.
I hope that you have continued to show your disappointment in his actions.
Did his friend get the Homebase application form? Is it not online?
The form is online, but his friend is one of the supervisors and says it would be best to collect and complete personally. He's telling me there's no college on Wednesday, and can go in and sort it then.
Fingers crossed......
I am sorry if this sounds 'wrong', but just knowing you have similar problems makes me feel not so alone in mine!
Hope your son realises what the right thing is! Sometimes I think they believe that the world and especially their parent/s owe them a living! xxx Big hug xxx
Yes, very true!!!!!!
I have to say I find it a comfort knowing I'm not the only one too. I also know what you meant when it sounds 'wrong' - but it is a comfort that it isn't just "me"
So, he went out Friday night, last night and has gone out again now.
Using the £30 I left for emergencies - I filled the fridge and cupboards before I went away.
He got his sister to lie for him, but after a chat, she has told me he was out.
Gutted.
Ah well. I had no plans to go away again.
Awww Sparkling, sorry your eldest has let you down again. Hope you're ok. xx
It's awful when they let you down, especially as the eternal cry of the teenager is "you don't trust me, why don't you trust me?"......and then they behave in an untrustworthy way. There's something about balancing grown up privileges and grown up responsibilities. Hope you can talk this through with him 
Ouch Sparkling! It's a bit like he's running away (have the same feeling with my No3 son).
Big hugs to you! xxx
He was painting the kitchen yesterday, so in his mind he's making things better.
Perhaps if he'd have at least finished the wall he'd started 
Hi sparkling, it is such a difficult time with teens, I have a friend whose son was the epitomy of loveliness until he hit 17.5 then all hell broke loose, he has been in trouble with law many a time, been tagged, stolen from my friend, broken things, doing copious amounts of drugs, been aggressive and threatening and sometimes disappearing for days on end.
When she was at the end of her tether and completely hating him, I would try and reassure her that it was a phase, he was a good boy and he will come back round. He needs to rebel, find out his own beliefs and values, morals and thoughts and sure enough at 21, he has come back to recognising that his mum was right, her way was the right way and he is now turning his life back around and looking to his future, drug and crime free.
Trust in your son, he has been through a lot with you and he sounds like a good boy. Stealing is not acceptable, but on the whole it sounds as though he still holds respect for you and your home.
What happened with Homebase?
You're right, he is on the whole a good lad.
He's in tears this morning though as I've had the renewal for the car insurance. It's just not do-able without him working...
He's applied for a number of jobs now, although two, if he were to get an offer of work I've told him not to accept as the distance is too great and petrol would be more than wages.
Need to get this VAT sorted and then I'll start phoning around to see if I can get a cheaper multicar deal.
It helps me a lot him being mobile, so him driving isn't all a luxury as he and my daughter are really my carer's too.
Thank you Anna.
Great that he's got into the second year. Hopefully he'll knuckle down and get the work completed. I'm sure he doesn't like the consequences either!!