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Thought would tell you about the problems with the ex. We split 7 years ago when dd was 2 things were fine untill he got a girlfriend (later to be his wife)who started telling me how to bring up dd this was a woman who was 21 at the time no kids and had no right. Anyway they split up 8 weeks after they wed.
In may/june 2008 he met his current fiancee he saw dd on a regular basis to as usual for a few months but ex always puts girlfriends before dd in september of 2008 he found out he was going to be a dad again by the girlfriend and decided not to see dd (his choice) or his family for 1 year. You can imagine how that effected dd!!! After the year he was on a split from the girlfriend and tried to make it up to Hollie by blaming me for him not seeing her!!
He has been sporadic for months in his contact with Hollie, i have tried to get him to do it legally as all he has is his name on her birth certificate. The last 2 months he has threatend too not give dd back to me i have had to call police and solicitors ect but he has to ask for contact i cant force him (legally i mean) he has so far not bothered. Last weekend he told dd he was moving to blackpool and expects me to let her go without a contact order (dont think so) By the way i had stoped contact in the last month due to him moving out of his parents home (who are fantastic very supportive) to live with fiancee but refused me phone contact with dd and an address where she was staying this led to him threating me with not bringing dd back.
He has now said if he cant have dd in blackpool on his terms (without contact order that is) himself and his parents wont see dd. Which is a load of ***** as his parents have just asked tonight to have dd this weekend. Basially he cant be controlling over me and hes trying to hurt dd in the process. As mentioned in other posts the stress has caused me ill health and time off work but i refuse to let dd go so far away without contact order after his previous behaviour.
Hope that made sense ask me questions if not sure on anything.
Phew thats done lol.
Are they related sound very similar lol, I let dd know her dad does love her but he makes his own choices and sometimes they maybe ones she doesnt agree with or like. I reassure her im always here but because of his disapperaring at shes never sure.
Just trying to stay strong for us both.
Hi lisa 1980
Yes it is very difficult when then other parent seems to have no idea what inconsistency can do to a child.
I agree that it is fantastic to hear that your daughter continues a good relationship with her grandparents.
You cannot force him to have contact with H but on the other hand these threats are unsettling and I would say that it is imperative that you have an address for where she is visiting during contact. I don't know how real you think these threats are, in that how could he keep her there, away from her school and so on? Have you had a tactful chat with his parents about what he has said?
There are three options here: you can carry on as you are, you can ask him to sit down with you at mediation and work out a contact plan or you can withhold contact. I would not recommend this last option until all other avenues have been explored, and you have taken legal advice. See here for local solicitors.
Hopefully things will not go that far. Do you think he would go to mediation? (see here) or are you hoping that things will settle down on their own?
As far as H is concerned, it is really hard when she is hurt or puzzled. You are doing absolutely the right thing by reassuring her and staying strong, Further down the line, it may help her to write a letter to her dad saying how she feels.
He wont do mediation we have tried in the past he always goes ack on what he says. We have both got solicitors and cant do anything i have to wait for him to ask for contact legally. We have tried contact plans before he wont stick to them so only one option really. Havent talked to his parents yet as the mum is ill right now hoping to do that within the week.
Hi
I've had major issues with my ex.
The support from my ex-in-laws has been fantastic, and I take the children to see them most weeks.
My lot were 5, 6, 10 and 12 when I left.
The Git has chosen not to be a responsible parent, with contact (and other serious issues) getting work with each fiance. He married The Gittess - fiance III. Since meeting her, contact which was already sporadic, was awful. He chose to let the children down and he has chosen to not support them emotionally, and the financial support is hysterical, really. My children are now 11, 14, 16 and 18 and still love him. Of course, my head knows this is good.
After six and a half years, I know this will carry on for life. They're older, yes, but I don't find things easier when it comes to him choosing to see them. He moved away in September - I have no address or phone number, and he actually hasn't told me he's moving (but then he never told me he was getting married).
He likes the fact he can rattle me - my fault for letting him rattle me, but there you go.
As I've said, my in-laws (as I still call them) are fantastic. She is his step-mum, which I know has made a difference.
Stick to how you would like things to be. If he chooses not to see them - and of course, he will lay the blame on your shoulders - then so be it. Hopefully your daughter will have a brilliant relationship with her grandparents, keeping that contact there.
Be positive in what you tell your daughter - I always tell my lot that their dad loves them very much, but has chosen this new path in life. He's happy and that's good, isn't it? They agree.
You fill your daughter's life with love and laughter. Which is what she needs. You will be her rock, and as you know, you'll both be fine.
Let's hope he'll be happy in blackpool
(so sorry to rabbit on)