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Hi there,
I've been on here before regarding my ex. Basically he is living in our house but stupidly I let him put it in his name as it was easier at the time. Most of the equity in the house is mine. I left him before I had chance the transfer the house into both names as promised. We were together 16 years and I finally left due to domestic violence. I took my son with me.
Anyway before I actually left nearly 3 years ago he was having an on line relationship with a woman that he knew from the past and now lives in America. This is still going on and in the last year he has been to America 5 times and is there now. He hasn't given me any money at all for our son and has never bought him as much as a christmas card. Anyway my problem is this. He isn't really one for working so how can he keep affording to go to America for 3 or 4 weeks at a time. And the answer is, he has cleared two of the bedrooms in the house and is growing cannibas. I got into the house while he was away and it is a professional operation, This is obviously where the money is coming from. He is taking a big risk as he is still on a 2 year probation period for his violence towards me. He isn't all bad and was devastated when I left. He had a breakdown, so I have been feeling a bit sorry for him, but on the other hand he has twisted the whole situation to everybody and everyone thinks I am the bad person. He is a compulsive liar and it is easy to believe everything he says. He has been so horrible over the years and my son hates him but am not sure if phoning the police on him would be the right thing to do. He will obviously be in serious trouble and apart from that if he found out I reported him he would want to kill me. He has his daughter and her baby living in the house and its all totally madness.
Any suggestions would be appreciated please
Hi Hazeleyes,
Yes its mad. What a situation! People close to me say ring the please but I think he could get a few years inside and I'm a bit soft. I know he has been really horrible but I also think in his own way he still loves me and would have me back like a shot. I just don't think I could do it to him. On the other hand I have a big financial interest in the house and its a long story but he has sort of stolen it from me. I don't feel I can just let him get on with it. Not sure what the answer is. I will see what others say. Thanks for your reply.
Hi cherylb, your right what a situation! You could always anonomously notify the police through crime stoppers on 0800 555 111 that way it would not be able to be traced back to you, on the other hand i can also understand your predicament about not wanting to be grassing up someone that you have cared about.
This is really something that you need to decide on, and it kind of sounds like you may have already decided what that choice is.
Have you sought advice around the financial/house issues?
Hi Sally, thanks for reply.
I don't think I could actually ring the police. In a way i want to because he has been so horrible to me and still is but deep down a lot of it is anger towards me and I think he has paid the price since I left. Also I seriously think he would want to kill me if he found out it was me. Problem is I feel like I need some sort of revenge. Maybe that makes me sound like a bad person so sorry!
With regards to the house. My solicitor says as there is proof of the money I have put into the house I shouldn't have a problem. My delay at the moment is although I have legal aid I do have to make a payment to land registry of £300 which I am having trouble getting. I have had a restriction put on the house so he can't sell it behind my back but I have a good source that says he intends renting it out for 5 years when he goes to live in America later this year. No way is that happening!!
It is bad enough that his daughter is living there. It was the house of my dreams and I hate for thought of anyone else living there.
Personally, I wouldn't hesitate in contacting the police. I can't really imagine that the property would be a safe place to live, and this could potentially leave his daughter vulnerable to others who may want the plants.
Being able to report it anonomously means there would be no come back.
A difficult situation...
I agree with sparkling lime, this MUST be reported....and quite aside from the significant safety issues, it strengthens your hand significantly when it comes to recvoering your money from the house.
why is his daughter and baby in the house it must stink dont the neighbours notice? Do you still speak to them - i have neighbours nextdoor to us who stunk our house out through smoking weed - they are good neighbours but i told them straight if it happens again i will report them as was coming though our vents. I was so bad I came home from work and thought someone had broke in and bhad a smoking weed party.
If you cant report them get someone else to do it - im sure there are plenty that will.
x
Hi all,
Thank you for replies. I know I should call the police but I have a few worried.
Firstly I have been told that as he is already on probation he could be put away for a few years. I have been on the receiving end of him being put in a cell for the night. Nothing to do with me but he blamed me and went bezerk. If he thought I had anything to do with it I would live in fear. He is a very scarey person when he flips and he wouldn't care what he done. I have been through all that and am only just coming out the other side. It was a very bad time being on his receiving end. And of course there must be other people involved. I don't want to live in fear,.
He could be well aware that I have been in the house while he has been away. The daughter is there with her baby. He has no morals. Anything could happen. If I reported it the police would turn up and social services would get involved. It wold all just get worse.
I do feel that it would help me financially though but its not that simple!
As for the smell, it stinks. Anyone knocking at the door would smell it immediately.
I don't want to just let him carry on. My house is wrecked. Any other suggestions? x
I really can't think of any alternatives.
If he were to be put in prison for several years, as you suggest, then there would be nothing he could do!
If someone else were to report him, then from what you say he would suspect you anyway....so it may be that someone WILL report it and any consequences of your own reporting will happen even though it wasn't you. Why do you think social services would be involved? Is there a risk to the baby? Why not ring the NSPCC Helpline (click) and chat that through?
Hi Louise,
The trouble is with me is that I'm too nice. I don't suppose he would think twice about reporting me but I would feel so guilty. Stupid I know! And yes he may well be locked away he knows a lot of dodgy people. Not only that, knowing him he would end up getting away with it and then he would be out for revenge if he thought it was me. I don't think there is a risk to the baby, but saying that if someone knows those plants are there anything could happen. I just don't think social services would see it as the right enviroment for a baby.
I am now intending to go into the house and destroy the plants before he comes back from America. Two things will come out of that. He will lose thousands of pounds and it will certainly make me feel better!!!
...and he will know it was you and what will happen then? How do you get on with his daughter, does she know what is happening?
Which will implicate you in this illegal activity which could mean that you will be charged for perverting the course of justice... My view point here...
Ignoring is taking a bit of a chance, but clearly getting involved could lead to things that will escalate.
I dont understand cherylb, you are fearful of his reaction if you reported him to the police, however you seem not to bat an eyelid at his response to you destroying his plants, that are probably worth a few thousand, I would imagine this would make him furious and far more dangerous as you wouldn't have the police back up.
I would think very carefully before you take this action.
Hi Cheryl, blimey, I really wouldn't know how to deal with this one. On the one hand, it's the correct thing to do, ringing the police, but on the other, you don't know how he'd react. He's already had a breakdown when you left, so who knows what might he do if reported. Others will be able to help you make the right decision I'm sure, so keep checking for the posts.