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My ex as a word it (it's how I feel) snatched our 23 month old boy from me whilst I was ill in hospital - I am currently pregnant with out second baby together and have two other kids from a previous relationship.
Basically we were together and living together when I went into hospital - been in a lot in this pregnancy and I could only get hold of my ex two days later to find out he'd not only broken up with me but he'd took our son miles away without telling me or social services who have been involved with all of the children and not only that he said he'd never let me see him again and he told the social services vicious lies in order for me to lose custody of all my children.
He is on the birth certificate but we were not married, I am utterly heart broken but realise he won't just hand him back over so I need to know what I can do. I don't know how he has gotten away with since two of my children accussed him of assault a few months ago - something the social services and police are aware of and it is on record.
And also the fact the children were under a child protection act by the social services were not meant to be removed from the home. Since then he's told me he only took our son for benefits and a house and he'll come after our unborn son as well!!
Yet he's playing saint and trying to make me out as mentally incompetant as I've only just come to realise he was the last few months of our relationship, I was suffering emotional abuse and I was being made out to be the unstable one when he really is just vicious.
I've been told I can take him to court for custody but I'm scared to death of what him and his mother might come up with - nothing they can prove, but them saying it is bad enough. However I have plenty of "stuff" on him I can prove but I really do not want to sink to his level and badmouth him to the courts and solicitors but I guess I'm not being given away choice if he's going to be like this.
I just want to know if anyone knows if I can ask the police to file any criminal charges against him? I just view him as a monster for taking my child away from me in such a fashion. Me being in hospital is only half of what I was going through at the time he took him and he has showed no interest in our unborn son whatsoever aside from saying he was going to seek custody of him too - well I have no intention of putting him on the birth certificate after what he has done.
Hello princess fairycake, what a dreaful time you have had.
Firstly please get some legal advice. You can contact our own Legal Expert by clicking here.
Secondly please contact the Family Rights Group, their website is here
Let us know how you get on. I don't think you have a choice about telling people about him, you need to think of yourself and the children right now.
Thank you both for the replies. I have contact the legal expert on this site so just awaiting the reply, hopefully that will provide some insight :) I don't understand social services role in this either, when I got out of hospital they called an emergency meeting just about my son not my other children and had him and his parents come up from birmingham and me attend with my parents and I couldn't believe they expected me to communicate with them, I just sat faced away from them and didn't speak a word, I had plenty to say after they'd left but I'm supposed to sit at a long table with my ex and his nightmare mother smirking at me and trying to justify what they've done?! So basically it was settle that that part of the case would be handed over to birmingham social services and that my son COULD stay there, I did try to point out I didn't feel my son was safe due to the physical assault my other two children claimed - there was evidence of injury and my son (elder son) was pulled of out school and the kids were removed from our care whilst they investigated, that was the week before christmas...hell. But my ex had to tried to justify taking our son by making up a vicious lie - he told social services I'd tried to start a fire in the house in attempt to kill everyone in it including my unborn and myself. (Which led to them saying for "safety" reasons I wasn't allowed alone with my kids ffs and that I could only have them if my dad agreed to move in temporarily - this was all "just in case" yet they let him take our baby boy - however he is living with his parents but then again he doesn't have a home of this own) Of course there was absolutely no evidence because it was just a vicious lie but the fact that he took my son and still felt the need to push the knife in further is what scares me from taking legal action, if he said something that could have ended up really bad for me if he'd say planted evidence when he ALREADY had my son then what will he do to keep hold of him? I'm honestly distraught we were together for six years and I've been crying myself to sleep for days as an experience at the hospital really set me off - I cry every time i hear a toddler or baby speak or cry - I can't help it. My son had only just started saying more words and had only just took his first steps. Crying again now.
I was so scared he was going to try and take our unborn son from my stomach that I slept with a knife in the bedroom for days. It still scares me now and he's due on the 30th of this month. What doesn't help is whilst I'm dealing with this I'm needing legal advice about seeking an injuction out on my mother who is hell-bent on destroying my life - luckily social services know and understand this.
It was my elder son's 5 birthday when we had the meeting, the day before Valentine's day and I was also due to be evicted that day. Have wanted to contact my ex all the time recently to try and see what the hell's gotten into him - i know a big influence - his mother but he has to take some of the blame he is a grown man so I'm forcing myself not to think any nice or sympathetic thoughts, at first I was devastated which then turned to rage now I just want to talk to him about our son and our unborn son and ask him why he did all of this to me - of course I'll get "Don't start this", or it's "Your fault" - anything he can think of to belittle me.
Hello again
There are so many different strands to what you are going through: from Social Services, to a break up of your relationship, a hostile mother in law, problems with your own mother and then eviction, it must be very difficult to cope.
Do you have some support, do you get on ok with your dad, for example? what is your housing situation now?
I do hope that coming on these boards is also helping.
Hi Louise
The only support I have is my dad :( and we're currently going through a bit of tension despite being extremely close and a daddy's girl. The eviction has been called off for the third time and housing benefit has finally picked up the rent after trying to get them to do so for 3 months but I'm left around 2,000 in arrears (pound sign doesn't work on my laptop) which I've got an agreement to pay 10 per week for but this is really my last chance as far as the house goes.
I have nightmares every night but I had an awful one last night where my ex turned up at the house and masscared 15 people and shot my elder son, he was eventually killed by police himself but not after trying to kill me, the children, our unborn, my father, various organisation such as social services, police, he had many accomplises too and many were part of law enforcement :( He also completely destroyed my house - blood everywhere, fire, bullet holes, he made a display of what he called in the dream "my dirty little secrets" - most of this stuff was made up and he made all my books dvd titles into insults about me. He killed the social workers...and he killed a baby but it was the baby of a female police offer. I woke up and felt as if i'd just been ressusitated and am really scared. I know it might sound irrational and I know dreams are rarely a reflection of reality and more reflecting of the innner turmoil going on the mind but I feel like I need to ask for police protection :( In the dream my son who he took was already back living with me but I was still pregnant...
Just found my ex's underpants in with the laundry even if after all this time :( Seems like I can't escape. I'm starting to think and it makes me cry thinking this that I should just leave it but I don't wanna be without my son :'( But again I'm terrified of court but I also don't want to contact him I can't bear hearing him being all arogant, mean and selfish and even If I suggested we come to an arrangement without court or solicitors I doubt he'd agree or stick to it. Originally he told me he would never let me see our son again. Only after pressure from either social services or a solicitor if he has one did he send a text about a month ago offering me to see my son as if it was some kind of privelege as if he hadn't just stolen him away from me and like I was only allowed to see him by his rules and arrangements for like an hour or so when it suited him!!! And I don't want him to think he's won either but especially after the dream I'm really scared of taking legal action, it seems in my waking hours and asleep he's out to get me, funny because I had to give a police statement to avoid him getting charged, shouldn't have bothered...I now feel like I lied to the police unknowningly and want to re-tract my statement but they'll just see it as me out for revenge but actually I'd say justice because I believe he more than likely did do what he was accussed of I just couldn't see it at the time - being under his and everybody's control and influence and heavily medicated. I see looking back he acted very guilty but I was loyal and blind to that and just took him at his word...why did all of this have to happen? :'(
I know the dream has unsettled you, dreams like that can seem so real. Have you got any support through your GP, I was wondering about treatment for anxiety, you mentioned some medication in the past, when you were with your ex. How do you feel about trying to carve out some time every day just to chill, I know meditation is something that needs practice but it would be good for you (and the baby) to have some quiet time every day, even if it is just lying on the bed listening to music and trying to concentrate on deep breathing
Fingers crossed that everything has settled down re housing now, for you.
Wish I knew what to say princessfairycake. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
Dear princessfairycake, it sounds as though you are incredibly frightened.
You need to find your local Womens Aid and get in touch with them for starters. You can call 0808 2000 247 - 24 hours a day to talk to a domestic abuse advisor. They should be able to support you during any trials you have to attend, if they have an organisation near to you.
Do you have an appointed social worker? If so, could you invite them round for tea to discuss this further with them?
Nightmares are normal, they distort everything that is going on around us and bumbles it all together. I understand your fear, I have been there, but to get your son back you need to find some calm space and look after yourself too.
If you want to try and get your son back, you will need to take legal action, we are here to support you through this.
Have you got a solicitor?
Hi. I really don't have any advice for you. I'm so sorry, but just wanted to say I do hope it all goes okay. I would however fight to the end (if it was me), take him to court, and if it means getting nasty, then so be it. He hasn't anything on you I'm imagining, so I'm sure you'll be fine. I really don't know what else you can do, but I'm sure someone will be along who'll be able to help. I don't understand why social services haven't acted if your other children have made a complaint.