Clean undies
Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working under your vehicle.
This story of a couple who drove their car to Asda, only to have their car break down in the car park.
The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car.
The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car.
On closer inspection, she saw a pair of hairy legs protruding from under the chassis.
Unfortunately, although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned his private parts into glaringly public ones. Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into
place.
On regaining her feet, she looked across the bonnet and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by.
The AA mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead.
Oh my God, that was really really funny. Sparkling, I'm shocked!!!
I was shocked too! And it's dreadfully rude... But my goodness it made me laugh!!
Ha ha ha ha anyone you know??
No, no... No one I know. I almost wish I did - I'd have laughed so much more, I think!
if it was someone you knew, we would have wanted a photo, sparkling!!!!
Your joke has spread like wildfire around our office and brought lots of laughter, thanks sparklinglime!
This made me laugh so much!! : )
OMG! I have not laughed like this for ages, that is sooo funny.
thanks for sharing Sparkling.
Giggling loudly then quickly switching the screen off less an inquisituve ten year old finds a joke to share at school.
HelenT
Just had this sent to me by friend. 
The 'Middle Wife' by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher :
I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.
When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell.. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.
Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.
She holds up a snapshot of an infant. 'This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday..'
'First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.'
She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.
'Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh,Oh,Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. 'She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)
'My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.' (Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.)
'And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!' (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!)
'Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe.
They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom's play-center, (placenta) so there must be a lot of
toys inside there. When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in there.'
Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another ' Middle Wife' comes along.
That's so sweet!!!!!!!
A real man is a woman's best friend. He will
never stand her up and never let her down.
He will reassure her when she feels insecure
and comfort her after a bad day.
He will inspire her to do things she never
thought she could do; to live without fear
and forget regret. He will enable her to
express her deepest emotions and give in to
her most intimate desires. He will make sure
she always feels as though she's the most
beautiful woman in the room and will enable
her to be the most confident, sexy,
seductive, and invincible.
No wait... sorry... I'm thinking of wine.
It¹s wine that does all that.......
Never mind.
A real woman is a man's best friend. She will
never stand him up and never let him down.
She will reassure him when he feels insecure
and comfort him after a bad day.
She will inspire him to do things he never
thought he could do; to live without fear
and forget regret. She will enable him to
express his deepest emotions and give in to
his most intimate desires. She will make sure
He always feels as though he's the most
handsom man in the room and will enable
him to be the most confident, sexy,
seductive, and invincible.
Is that the woman or the wine Bubblegum, lol
I think that should be re-written. Just I think I'd quite like that in a man too 
AWWWWW 
I think love is supposed to be unconditional, and no one is perfect. The person in that poem would be some sort of programmed zombie set to obey. None of the girls I've loved have been perfect or sacrificed them selves to serve my needs, but then neither am I nor do I, it's just my children for who I do that but even then there are certain things I expect of them, some of which they don't do, and certain limits I have, I still love them though. Love is about what you do and feel for the person you love, what you get back is a bonus that helps prolong your feelings towards them.
There is no Mr or Miss perfect right, except maybe when you're a teenager and haven't been jaded by too much rejection and disappointment yet.
: )
Just saying.
I agree love is supposed to be unconditional. However, taken to the nth degree, that could eventually translate as "well he/she beats me black and blue every night but I still love him/her because love is unconditional" So we have to set SOME conditions and we have to love ourselves too.
The way we love our children does indeed seem to be different from the way we love a partner.
The thing with love is its a word that means different things to different people and when someone says 'I love you' people tend to use the meaning they have of it.
And! people do still love people that beat them black and blue.
And there is that saying.. all's fair in love and war.
You can't go round setting rules to Love, well you can but then you are going to be disappointed when the one you love doesn't live up to your rules, breaks them what ever. We love people, if they annoy us too much or break too may of our 'rules' then we eventually fall out of love with them and different people have different thresholds as to when that happens, and people have different ideas as to what love is.
I don't know what it is, can't define it anyway. None of the girls I've ever been in love with have ultimately lived up to what I thought it was at the time but my children have shown me what I think it should be about and that is unconditional, no matter what they do.
I watched a documentary a while back about that man who killed his wife and daughter and horses and dogs, near Shrewsbury I think, his mother was interviewed and she still loved him, she was having difficulty putting into words but that is what she was saying, his brother on the other hand didn't and didn't have very much good to say about him.
Just saying.
Hmm this is really interesting. Yes I know people can love someone that beats them, I am just saying there "should" (bad word!) not be an expectation that we "should" continue to love them.
I suppose we learn about our idea of love from our birth family, and then friends, then books and films and the media (!!) and our own experiences, a complex mix.
I can understand that mother who still loved her son despite all those evil deeds, I would not stop loving my two whatever they did
I hope I wouldn't stop loving my lot... I sometimes find my self being shocked at me at my feelings towards my eldest.
I don't think its love though.
I agree that we do have our own rules and expectations - and that is such a good way of saying it.
Our feelings towards our children as they reach adulthood are still loving, but they lose that fierce "protectiveness" they have when they are little. Sometimes we can feel that we don't LIKE our adult children, that is different from not loving them. I also think that this is made worse by the fact of their independence... it can be quite exasperating watching them making choices we would never make and then comparing them to ourselves and thinking perhaps they have an easier time than we had at that age.
I have probably said this before but just as a lioness pushes her cubs out of the nest as they reach a certain age, so nature prompts us to encourage our own cubs to take responsibility for themselves. It doesn't make us any less as parents.
My daughter still thinks she is going to live with me forever, along with Darth Vader and Bob the Builder.
All in this small, old quarryman's terrace.
: )
My fourteen year old is going to move out - but it's ok as he's only going next door
Youngest is never leaving.
I have just caught up on this post and love the 'middle wife' story.
Bubblegum, your comment about zombies set to obey reminded me of the film 'stepford wives', though I want someone wonderful i want someone real too and with that comes that capacity for mistakes and disappointment.
At this point in my life I can't invisage a time when my children will leave home...makes me sad to think about it. I will have to spend the next eight years getting used to the idea so that I don't go completly do-lally when my eldest is eighteen!
HelenT
I liked that film : ) my sister has a group of friends from a nice middle class area on Angelsey and all the wives look exactly the same, she calls them the Stepford Wives, :) they all have straitened highlighted hair and are painfully thin.
It saddens me too to think of a time when I will be alone without my kids, I expect they will leave home and get on with their lives and just call me when they want something, just like I did with my parents :)
It's not until you have kids of your own that you start thinking about your parents and what they must have done for you and how much they love you, that was how it was for me anyway. When I first had my kids I started calling my dad and going to see him and doing stuff for him and showing him how much I loved him, I even started giving him a hug, all be it awkward man hugs, but still, hugs just the same : )
Funnily enough, my friend who has four (adult) kids found the same. When he got divorced, one of his sons (then aged about 15) distanced homself from him, would not come on contact visits, despite friend's best efforts, phone calls, texts, cards etc and they did not see each other for a year. Things did improve and they rebuilt their relationship but it was only when he became a dad himself that he has "suddenly" become very loving towards his dad again.
Parenting can be bitter-sweet at times (and a pain in the neck at others!) but giving our children that unconditional love message is the best start we can give them.
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They would be Ok in "I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here", I hear that a "certain part" of a crocodile is going to be one of the things they have to eat this year! 
Thanks for putting stars in, completely forgot to go back and do it 
Don't really watch I'm a Celebrity. Makes me cringe seeing what they have to eat, (and they call it fun) Still, I guess i'd eat anything, if I was being paid what they get
I always say I would eat anything as long as someone else has had to do the cooking, but I think I would draw the line there!
I have to say the I only watched one series of I'm a Celebrity, as I just couldn't stand the food challenges, or the creepy crawlies!!!!!!!!!!
What an interesting post.
It's gone from an AA man's wotsits to a crocodiles wotsits via a discussion about love. Bet you don't get that on many forums!
Paul
Hahaha Lost in France
Variety is the spice of life!!
Diversity...
I hope some of these pics were ok to show?
None of them showed on my computer, alisoncam, how about other people's?
I'm afraid they're not showing up on mine either.
Oh. I can see them. It was an e.mail from a friend, so perhaps that's why, though I've done it before. ???
(Note from Moderator: have taken the post off the thread, as the pics don't show)
They are linked directly to your yahoo email that you had open when you posted them, you can see them because you are logged into your email account in your browser.
I think.
Was it this?
Oh my!
I had to laugh at the little boy with the "Always" stuck all over him...
Yes Bubblegum, some of them were the same
Thankyou
Very rude and very, very funny!!!!!!