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i amcurrently living at my parents house with my 3 year old daughter however my mother is tryingto control everything i do when it comes to her, she does not allow me to take her out to the parks or town. Its as if i am not the mum! I have asked her to back off but she still does what she always do and that is acting like she is the parent of my child! she threatened to call upon the social services on me sayin I am a bad mum and that I cannot do anything as she will report to them that my current boyfriend, who is not the childs biological father, has a history of violence but not towards my daughter as he treats her better than her own biological dad does! i am 22 and they have threatened to kick me out of the house. I do not know the legal side of things but can they try take my daughter away? my parents both have an advantage over me as they spoil my daughter and my daughter would cry out for them everytime i say no to her. my parents are both professionals, while I am a school drop out and unemployed due to the fact that they did not want me to get a job as they wanted me to stay at home to look after my little one. what do i do? please help.
Hi
I too think you need to be trying to get your own place.
If you feel it would help perhaps you could ask at your surgery if they are aware of any parenting courses that might help you believe in yourself when it comes to raising your daughter. Also, your parents then would realise that you are aiming to be independant.
Hello misskdot1989
How sad for you that you are worried that your own mum will call social services. She would only have grounds for doing this if your daughter was neglected so please try not to worry. Of course if your new boyfriend is violent towards YOU then the authorities would agree that he should not be involved, but then in that case I would also encourage you not to allow him to be involved!
You need to concentrate all your efforts on finding an independent place to live. Go and see your local Housing Office, and get your name on the list. You could also enquire whether there is a local scheme to help with bonds for private rented accommodation.
Sparkling lime's idea about a parenting course is an excellent one. Get in touch with your local Children's Centre in any case to find out what is in your area and meet other parents.
thank you for the comment,
Im not comfortable with the ss getting involved, they might turn around and say that my daughter is better off with her grandparents as they are both financially settled and experienced whilst I am unemployed, young and living off on benefits.
I have signed up for my councils rent deposit scheme, but I still need to come up with the rent in advance which is kind of hard to get for me as my parents aren't helping at all. Do you think if I go to the citizens advice bureau they will be able to help me with this issue?
Hi again
I presume you are on Income Support. How much of this do you give your parents? I am thinking you need to save up the first bit of rent. It is unlikely that CAB will be able to help with that. You will be able to apply for Housing Benefit once you are definitely moving in somewhere but of course that will take a couple of weeks to go through.
If your daughter is three, then presumably she will be at nursery, they get five free sessions a week at that age. You can earn £20 a week without it affecting your Income Support so why not get some work while she is at nursery? i used to clean peoples' houses when my children were small and this is a good way of making some extra cash, make it easier for you to save up!
Hello misskdot1989. Welcome along. Sorry you're having a hard time with your Mum. SS cannot take your daughter off you, as you're not doing anything wrong. Just because your parents are financially better off etc, you are the mother. If I were you, I'd be seriously thinking about moving out. Your daughter has to know that her Nan isn't in charge of her. She's only 3, so of course she'll run to her nan when you say no to her for something. As for the park, she cannot stop you taking your little girl out and about. Wishing you well. Take care
My mum doesn't really ask me any money and some people would think I am better off living at home and just try to get with it. So many times they have kicked me out of the house before but it seems like they want me out and just want my child for themselves?
I cannot stand up for myself while I am living in their house, *my mum and stepdad dont live with us as they have their own house & my stepdad owns the house im currently living in*
I have not seen my daughter since friday as they took her, and when I told my mum I'll ring the police if she doesnt bring her back she told me she would ring social services on me and report me and my boyfriend (eventhough I dont even live with my boyfriend and i havent done anything wrong??) she said they *my mum and my daughter's other grandma* have been thinking of reporting me to the social services and as grandparents they have the right to decide when to take my daughter home or not???? Im very upset about this and as I dont know how the legal system works I was scared so I didnt ring the police. She hasnt contacted me about my daughter since...
misskdot, you need to find your own place, quietly, and move out with your daughter.
Are there issues with you boyfriend? Do they have reason to worry?
Have you been to the council to see if you will be accepted onto their housing list? You can explain to them how life at home is difficult.
Have you spoken to your health visitor about issues going on? You can see her at the surgery, perhaps while your daughter is in nursery. The health visitor may be able to offer support when it comes to applying to housing.
At the end of the day, she is your daughter. You do need to stand up to your Mum - which can be done positively without being angry - and state the rules. One rule being that they are not to take her away for the weekend without tellling you so you can rearrange any plans you may have.
Living on your own will be a bit of a shock when it comes to budgeting, but you would soon adjust...
Ok so you are living alone, not with them, but in a house your stepdad owns and so they think it gives them the right to have a say in your life?
Moving does seem to be the answer.
As for the position with your daughter, I reckon you need some legal advice. Click here to contact our own Legal Expert.
thank you so much for everyones comment,
I know, it doesnt seem right the way they are treating me.
I do need legal advice so I will contact legal expert, thank you for that.
Im also going to my council tomorrow and see if they can sort something out for me and my daughter. I was thinking of telling them that I am threatened with homelessness and need a place to stay? Do you think that would be a good idea?
Thanks again x
Yes it is DEFINITELY a good idea, in fact they will eventually ask for a letter to that effect. Good luck.
Hi there misskdot 1989, do you have your daughter back now?
hello misskdot1989. This sounds really awful for you and it cant be good for you to listen to your mum saying things like you are a bad mother. Have you thought about getting a place of your own ? You could try your local council if you have problem with getting a deposit (although if you can manage to find one yourself it would probably save an awful lot of trouble). Your parents sound quite negative towards you and will affect your self esteem. Maybe you could contact social services yourself and tell them your concerns about your parents, they might even be able to help you move out somewhere or refer you to someone who can ? (personally I wouldnt be comfortable with ss involved but its an idea.) It sounds as if your parents undermine you and do not seem to be supporting you to improve your situation, seems like abuse to me. You could contact a local refuge until you sort something out ? Best wishes