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Hi all. I have been going through a lot of grief recently over access with my lad. The ex partner decided to start making things difficult for me 4 months ago and it is at the stage now where i have made an application to court for a contact order after she refused to go to mediation. Well i am due in court in 2 weeks and i cannot wait but i was due to have my son yday for 2 nights and duly travelled the 300 mile from Yorkshire to South Wales to visit him. There i was waiting in Mcdonalds at 11am and her sisters husband drops him off 15 minutes late with the message 'He hurt his knee in the park yesterday'. So i didnt really think anything of it and took him into McDonalds for some dinner. He is 2 so hes at the stage where he likes to push his luck and get off the chair and run around causing mischief.. Well on this occasion he gets down and starts crawling around the floor. And i said to him 'get off the floor its filthy' but he continued to crawl around so i stood up and went to stand him up and as i picked him up he pulls his legs up to me and clings on. So i am thinking to myself that he is playing up and i puts him back down at the table we eat food, and he gets back down and continues to crawl about but not once did he stand up and walk around.
So i then takes him to a play place we always visit for him to run around and we gets inside, and i get a cup of tea and sits him at the table and gives him some sweets. And then i says ' do you want to go and play' and he shakes his head so i picks him up and takes him over to the play area and puts him down and he just lays there. And im thinkin ok he played up in Maccie D's but here is doing the same thing. So i gets involved him with him and try to get him to play and he crawls around a bit but when i go to pick him up again he is leaning on one side and pulling his legs up again clingin on to me. So it is then i decided something is not right.
So i takes him to the hospital and the nurse checks him out. Then the doctor comes and feels his leg and A starts moaning with pain. Takes him to get x-rayed and find he has a fractured leg. So i am thinkin now to myself, he hurt his leg in the park yday and his mother has not picked up on the fact he has not been standing or walking since yday. The doctor puts a cast on his leg and i takes my son back to the car. She has told me through solicitors letter i am only to contact her in emergency and well i thought ok this is an emergency. SO i texts her 'Ring me asap. It is about A and is important'. I gets a reply 'wot'. So i messages back ' Can you tell me please when A hurt his leg please?' and i gets the reply 'dont text me' so i messages back then saying 'ok i am taking A to Liverpool and ringing social services if you are not bothered about A's welfare'. I then gets the reply 'if there is a problem i will send L and D (two lads) to pick him up. Dont text me' So im thinkin to myself jesus i am trying to talk to you here about our son and she doesnt want me botherin her. So i then rings D who dropped him off earlier on and i says 'Look D, tell her to ring me that i have just took A to hospital and he has fractured his leg'. And he says ok but you should not take him to Liverpool that is kidnap (i had visitation rights for 2 nights and i was concerned that the mother had not spotted A not walking since yday hence i felt it within my right as a father to keep hold of him until the matter was sorted out). I then gets a message off her saying 'you got half hour to drop him off or im calling the cops, i have a letter about you from social services' So im thinkin to myself she has so far not shown any concern that our sons leg is in a cast and fractured and more bothered about giving me grief. So in the end i rang D and tells him that in A's best interest it would be better for him to go home to her rather than stay in a Travellodge with me for 2 nights'. So i drops him off at Maccie D's. Since then i have had no call or message off her asking about the hospital nor any thanks for sorting our son out. I am glad i went down tbh, ok i spent £150 on fuel and accomodation but the fact that i picked up on my sons problem straight away and got it sorted was the important thing. Thank god i was due to go down and see him yday otherwise that poor lad would have been crawling around on his leg until she had noticed (if)!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fuming father!
Hi scousecraig30. I can understand your fury, poor little fella. I do hope he's okay. It's great that you picked up on his injury, but from what you're saying, he didn't cry when he was crawling around for a bit. Perhaps this is why she didn't pick up on it, and maybe she just assumed he was okay as he was moving. I'm not defending her in anyway, but I can kind of see it from her view too. Doesn't excuse the fact that she could have called or texted you about the leg once she found out it was fractured though.
As for social services and her having a letter from them about you. Do you know what the letter contains? I hope things can be sorted for you with regards to the visitation.
Hi scousecraig, what an ordeal, good for you to think about taking him to the hospital. I hope that he was ok afterwards, he sounds like a tough little cookie, but still he must have felt pretty exhausted.
I absolutely understand why you would want to get A to Liverpool and contact social services, but I think that you did the right thing by taking him home, it must have been really hard and I bet you were fuming, but obviously you have your son's best interests at heart.
Are you going to be representing yourself in court or do you have a solicitor?
Hi scousecraig,
Your poor lad how awful crawling around with a broken leg all that time - no wonder your fuming.
I dont want to rock the boat here but have you thought about contacting SS about your lads fall? I know it a bit controversial but if it were me and my ex didnt give me a full and proper explanation as to how my child fractured its leg and then seemed unconcerned and unwilling to respond to your request for information I would call SS. I know kids get hurt all the time and it is probably harmless but at the very least you should have been advised how he got hurt and why she didnt notice his reluctance to use his leg.
Either way be sure to tell your solicitor about this recent event. Good luck in court hun hope it goes ok x
Awww, poor mite.
It's very "odd" how some parents do react. I find it shocking that she didn't get back to you.
I'm not defending anything here, as I have been through "odd" things with my ex (including no interest when my youngest broke his ankle when he was eight). Sometimes it can take a while for the pain to kick in with a fracture. My youngest walked home from the school where he'd been playing football and only collapsed very much later on in the day.
And then isn't meant to cause any further worry but is my first thought, are you happy that she will be following things up with this? I had to take youngest back a week later for another X-ray as they need the swelling to go down and then a 'proper' cast put on.
Such a shock for you too.
Well. Yes communication between myself and her are dire. But that is not on my part. I have fruitlessly attempted to communicate with her about contact, to see how he is, etc to no avail. It is as if i do not exist and i am merely a blot on her life that she has to deal with. Now whilst we have been exchanging solicitors letters the last 4 months she did state that i could contact her in an emergency and as this was an emergency i had messaged her and her sister to ring me asap because A had been to hospital and as you can read above the response i got was of a mother who had no concern. You would think that for once she would put things aside to ring me up and find out what had happened and discuss as responsible adults about our sons welfare. Sincei have handed him back over i have had no correspondence from herself or any of her family about how he is doing, and as a concerned father i wish to know but find it frustrating. Communication is obviously one of the big things i am going to court for along with a defined contact order. At the end of the day myself and her will never see eye to eye but for the sake of our child there HAS to be a minimum level of contact there to arrange contact and to be able to talk freely to one another when circumstances such as this happen.
As for her not picking up on the injury, yes i am aware that he could have got up after the injury and walked around that day and not showed any signs of a fracture but this all depends on the time of the injury and as i was not there i am not witness to what had happened. And the fact that i picked up on his inability to stand or walk within minutes of picking him up suggests he must have been like that at least for that morning whilst he was in her care hence she did fail as a mother to notice his condition. Now ok it was good that i picked up on it once he was in my care but my issue is if i had not been due to go down that day to have contact with him, how much longer would it have taken for her to pick up on the fact he was not standing or walking and therefore prevent further injury to himself?
It is because of this that i have contacted social services and i basically said to them look im not ringing up to have my son taken off the mother for neglect, i am just concerned about the level of responsibilty she has shown in this instance towards our son and that she needs talking to to prevent something like this happening again. Now if i could communicate things with her then i would not have taken things further but the fact she has a lack of respect for me and the fact she does not care about my concern for my son prompted me to take the action. And like i said i am off to court in 2 weeks, she claims to have a letter about me off the social services about an incident that occured earlier on the relationship.
The incident was about an occasion where myself, her and her other son (aged 6) had been play fighting as you do and her son on this occasion was scratching my face whilsti was pinned down by her and he was actually hurting me i broke free from her grasp and pushed him off me and accidentaly connected with his face. Now he then went in to school the next day and told the teacher i had thumped him on the nose. There was no marks or anything and social services came out to investigate as they should. And my partner had told them about what had happened and it was quickly dealt with as an accident and not an act of child abuse. But now that we are off to court she has claimed she has this letter.so i would guess it is about that incident but i dont see how it will go against me because at the time social services did not take it any further. So i am not even worrying about it.
Well thanks for responding!
I think your absolutely right to contact SS and I hope they can put your mind at rest and perhaps explain to her the importance of opening up some communication with you when there is an emergency. A few on here did say that you can miss a fracture in a child so maybe there arent any issues of neglect but I do find it strange that the even hapened a day before you picked him up and she hadnt noticed him not using his leg and you noticed in minutes.
Good luck with it all
I do agree that it IS possible to miss an injury in a child. However, the points you make about a level of communication are spot on. There HAS to be a mechanism whereby you can arrange things (perhaps through a third party?) and there must be a plan of what happens in emergencies. I do think sparkling's suggestion of relaying the actual information rather than saying "Ring me" etc is helpful, as she may have thought you were just looking for a reason to talk with her. Not criticising you in any way, I know you are a concerned dad 
and it is great that you noticed A was in pain and had him seen by the doctor and treated.
Yes but then when i send a message to her saying. Ring me please. It is about A and is important. Then this to me is sufficient information for her to contact me and i do not expect the reply 'wot' and 'dont text me' based on what i have just asked her to do. In the last 4 months i have not messaged her due to us communicating via solicitors, and she did state i could contact her in an emergency. Ok i did leave out the actual information that was A had been in hospital but tbh if it was the other way around she would not even think about contacting me if she had taken A to hospital. Since i have dropped A off yday i have had no contact from her or her family letting me know how he is. Nothing. She has not contacted me to find out what exactly went on in hopsital. You would think as a concerned mother you would want to know everything possible about what the doctor had told me even if she does not want to speak to me. She is just not interested and here i am concerned about how he is.Oh well will see what happens when things go to court. I cannot see the courts for one second not sorting out the lack of communication we have and they will tell her that she either communicates with me or she nominates someone to communicate with me.
I really do know where you are coming from scousecraig but what I am saying is that my ex and i miscommunicate all the time and I know that it is because neither of us hear what the other is saying.
So you do your bit by saying A has been to hospital and has a fracture call me if you need any info - that way you have stated the facts and its up to her what to do next but you cannot force her to do anything - how she behaves is her business - but you know that isn't the way you would behave.
My ex infuriates me over lots of things and I have tried to force his hand to see the kids more and other stuff but I have no realised there is nothing I can do to force him to change - he was exactly the same when we were together so he is not going to change now we are apart.
It used to make me really frustrated but now I have let it go
Keep your end up - send her a text and ask how your son is - if you get no reply keep the text and any subsequent texts and that way you can prove how concerned you are over your son
but you can't force her to respond the way you want her to by the way you behave
Again hope that is of some help - I really do know where you are coming from and I sense your frustration but we can only be responsible for our own behaviour - not the behaviour of others
Alternatively you could keep a diary and note down things and when you made contact and got no reply etc so you have a record
It does sound like you and her are probably not going to be able to communicate so nominating someone would be best. That way you can text the nominated person for info on how your son is doing and she can relay that to the nominated person.
I do find her lack of response amazing, I, tbh, would not call my ex though if he said ring me or if he said ring me its about x but that is because I wouldnt believe he was being genuine. But what I would do is contact a neutral person and ask them to contact him as there may be a problem with x and I am concerned.
The good thing for you is that this will show the court she is 100% comfortable with you being with your son because even when she heard there was an issue she didnt respond. That must mean she is very satisfied that you are capable in dealing with any issues that arrive when you have your son.
Hi all. Bit of an update on what has happened. Basically i returned A to her care on the Monday even though i was due to have A until Wednesday. I felt it was better for him to go home and rest rather than sit in a strange travellodge for 2 nights.
Since then i have had no contact from her with regards to how his condition is. Die to her not showing any concern on the Monday and telling me not to text her twice, i contacted social services on the Tuesday and explained to them what had gone on and they said that i had done the right thing and that they would go and investigate as to why A had not received medical care a lot sooner whilst he was in her care. I also got on to my solicitor and told her to send a letter out saying that i was deeply concerned about the fact that A had not received medical care for nearly 24 hours. My solicitor also spoke about her inability to communicate with me.
Well that went out on the 9th but my solicitor also received a letter on the 9th stating that because i had said 'no its ok im taking A up to Liverpool and ringing social services seens as though you are not concerned about A's welfare' that she is now stopping all contact with A based on her thinking i was not going to return my son. The cheek! I had him until Wednesday anyway. And i had tried to contact her upon leaving the hospital to advise her of A condition and she told me twice to not text her. I have these text messages on my phone and i have printed them off and thank god i am off to court next week.
She has obviously got annoyed with me ringing social services and retaliated but i have already been advised by my solicitor that i had contact with my son until wednesday anyway and that i had never stated that i was not going to return A. I had merely said that i would ring social services, as you would do if you son has a fractured leg and the mother has told you twice to not text her. Am i being reasonable here?
Hi scousecraig30, this is so highly emotional isn't it.
You ask if you are being reasonable here, I think that you were absolutely right to contact Social Services, I would have done the same and they said that you did the right thing.
You took your boy straight home, knowing this would be the best place for him under the circumstances.
I think in hindsight the thing that seems to have upset the applecart was the text saying that you were going to contact social services. She would have seen this as a threat and she is not recognising that you were stating this because you were getting no communication from her. If she had answered your initial text to contact you, this wouldn't have escalated as it has.
Other than poor communication and lack of compromise, do you think she is a good mum to your son? Or is this incident just revealing to you that your son would be better off with you?
My son recently had whooping cough and had a bad turn at school with his breathing, his mouth and fingers turned BLUE! His "dad" didn't even call him!
One of my girls had whooping cough a few times, so understand how awful that can be, maybe his father did'nt realise how ill your son was?
I am not surprised you are fuming - one thing that became clear in your post was the miscommunication between you and your ex - it is just the same for me and my ex - we say things to each other but only hear what we want to hear.
I hope you don't mind me making a suggestion - next time something happens could you text your ex and just say - this has happened - wanted you to know soonest - ring mobile if you want more info or need to speak.
You should both really agree that in case of emergencies you will contact each other by mobile - but you can't be held responsible if she ignores the message - I would expect while your little one is with you that she should be able to be contacted by mobile at all times in case of emergencies but that is just my opinion. If you make sure that should she phone your mobile, in that case, that you answer which I am sure you would.
My ex and I have spent so much time misunderstanding each other that we no longer speak - contact is arranged by email (kids much older) then there is very little else that needs sorting out but I made it quite clear that in the event of an emergency I would phone his mobile - now if its off cos he is busy
then that is not my fault/responsibility. He recently went away for a few days but did not leave any contact details so I presumed he had his mobile on but I have no idea if he did and thank God I didn't need to contact him.
When feelings are running high it is inevitable that you are both going to be a loggerheads but you can do something about it by not getting involved - just send the information she needs to know and leave it at that - if she doesn't reply and you get mad then that is something you have to deal with.
You could text and ask how he is and see if you get a reply which I think would be acceptable
Not sure if any of that is any help - feel free to ignore it if not!