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My partner of 2.5 yrs moved in 3 wks ago and they are now saying he is too strict and they want things to go back to the way they were before he moved in!
I had been having trouble with my 16 yr old in getting him to study and we have been at loggerheads for some time. I feel utterly devastated and heartbroken.
Their Dad loves any chance to undermine me and has always resented that he had to pay maintenance. He is now demanding maintenance and is turning the boys against my partner and me .
I can't bear the thought of them not being home and don't k ow if I can cope living like this. What should I do.?
Hi Kimmi Mackn
This could well be a gut reaction from the boys and they want to shock you, and also to get their own way. When you say your new partner is strict, what do you mean? What do YOU think of your partner's parenting style? It may be that while they have been on their own with you that they have got a lot of their own way.......or on the other hand you may think you were all doing OK, whereas your partner's rules are unreasonable?
Your eldest can live where he chooses, the younger has less choice but often boys do move more towards their dad in their teens.
Sparkling lime is right about the financial implications of this, you would be expected to pay child support and the child tax credit and child benefit would also go to their dad.
But I am getting the feeling that they are saying this so that your partner is not too strict with them. Have a family meeting with the four of you and try and talk it through.
thanks for this. They will come visit, i just don;t know if i can cope, missing them after 2 weeks is affecting my work etc.
Thanks Louise.
They have for some time now been using the "it's better at my Dad's" line and it may do them some good to see that being the main carer is a lot different to fun on a couple of weekends. I desparately want to work this out and have my boys back where they belong. Their father is so manipulative and bullying that they are being brainwashed... This from a man who over the years wouldnt let the boys join football or rugby clubs because he wouldnt take them to practise on his weekends... how quickly the boys forget all these things. I can only hope they see this for what it is and come back so we can work things out.
thx for your help
K
I have to say it is something that I do worry about...
I really do feel for you.
Hi kimmi mack
Welcome from me, your boys have been living with their dad for two weeks. Was this an agreement made with your ex and yourself or did it go through legal channels?
You say that your ex is manipulative, I wonder if you would visit the Womens Aid website and find your local support centre? Abusive men often use the children to continue to harass their ex partners and now he has them living with him, it is perfectly understandable that you are fearing for their wellbeing and worrying what he is filling their heads with.
Will you contact your local support centre?
Hi Kimmi mack
This is a horrid and difficult situation to be in.
Basically, at their age they can make the decision to live with their father, and if this happens, you will be the one to pay maintenance (I believe by CSA calculations, this is 20% of your income).
Only you can decide what choice to make here.
Will they come for visits if they do go to live with their Dad?