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Where to start. I am new here today as site was recommended by someone. My son started going off the rails when he was 14. Skiving off school and getting into trouble. He has been in trouble ever since and now finally is facing prison for an offence as his luck has run out. He dropped out of school with no GCSE,s. He did get a job at McDonalds but was taking drugs and just couldnt hack it.
He has taken hard drugs and generally got into trouble constantly so prison may be the only way now. It breaks my heart even though I think prison is now the only option but I am his mum and know it will tear me apart to see him locked up.
On the other side I have my daughter who is 12 and loves her brother to bits. She thinks he dosent care about us as he has been staying away from home unless he needs something and see wants to see him.
She gets very upset on a regular basis but amazingly is doing well at school. But saying that hasnt started her GCSE,s yet. Last night she ran off and when I found her she said if her brother didnt care why should she. It really upset me as I dont want her going off the rails. I have thrown him out before but then my daughter was upset and I was worried sick where he was. So that just isnt an option.
I think I would just like other people to talk to or anyone who has been in a similar situation. It feels very lonely sometimes
Thank you Hazeleyes. This site seems to full of people all having some sort of trauma. I dont feel so alone now. My son is now 18 but dosent seem to be learning. I told my daughter he is going to prison as learnt the hard way it is best to tell her the truth. It sounds awful but our lives will be so much easier if he is not around.
It dosent stop me worrying though x
Hi Sam1j
I too am so sorry that things are not good for you, your daughter and of course your son.
Was there something at 14 to set your son on the wrong path? Does he acknowledge how much his behaviour upsets both you and your daughter?
Has he had any from of rehab, would he want the hlep if it were offered?
I am sure you have already been on the Frank website, if not it would be worth mailing or calling them to see what support there might be for your daughter in helping her come to terms with your sons drug problems, they might also be able to point you toward some support for yourself and the family as a whole.
Please do keep posting, everyone here will support you xxx
Awww, I'm so very sorry all this is going on for you.
I do agree too with how you're explaining things to your daughter. Do the school know what is going on in respect of her brother? Perhaps they'll be able to be more aware of how her marks are at school?
Things were weird here with some things that were going on, but the support from the school was tremendous. My eldest did start missing school when he was fifteen, and there were issues then. So far though, I've been lucky in that he has settled down at college.
I really do hope that you're having some support for you too...
Of course you'll be worried, but it isn't your fault. I also believe in telling children the truth, depending on their age, and how we word it. I too think it was best to tell your 12 year old, if only for the fact that she sees what is happening to her brother, and hopefully she won't follow that direction.
The site is full of different topics, all of us need support and advice at some point, so it's great to come here, shout from the rooftops if need be, and know that someone here will be listening.
Thank you everyone. My son dosent seem to acknolwedge what he is putting his family through. It makes me very angry but have to try and suppress that as this just upsets my daughter. The school are aware of the problems at home and they do support her. My son was offered rehab but as always wasnt interested so we just keep plodding on. He hasnt been home in a week and has been staying with a friend so I am not privvy to what he is getting up to which to be honest isnt always a bad thing
Is he still on the drugs? I was just wondering if maybe they are the reason why he isn't acknowledging what he is doing to you all. As hard as it is, he'll be home, like you said before, when he wants something. I guess it would be easy for me to sit here and say, don't give him anything, but as his Mum...... What i'm trying to say is maybe do the cruel to be kind thing with him, even though it'll tear at your heartstrings.
A friend of mine has had many problems with her son (who's now 30), and the mental health team have been involved, and have basically told her to not allow him back in the house, saying he needs to see for himself that what he's doing isn't acceptable.
It breaks her heart, and she does find it so very hard. He is an alcoholic, but has been involved in drugs too (which, as far as I'm aware, he doesn't take any more).
I dont know what sort of drugs he takes anymore. It seems to be cannabis and drink but to be honest it could be anything. He did phone me earlier to pick him up and for once I said no.
Thanks sparklinglime for the comment. I know its right but I worry what state he will get into if he dosent have somewhere to sleep. I suppose once he goes to prison that will be sorted for a while!!!
Hello sam1j
I am so sorry that you are going through all this. Has there been any involvement by the Youth Offending Team? (I know they can give support to the family as well, that is why I am asking and I think it would good to get some support for you)
I agree that you are doing the right thing in being honest with your daughter. It is sad that you feel that prison is now the only way he will learn....but do you know what? at least there is an enforced "rehab" there and you do indicate that you think that drugs are at the root of the problem. Of course it rips you apart at the same time. I sometimes think that is one of our "fates" as parents: we give our children their life and the best start that we can but then it really is up to them, and we as parents have to let them do it once they have grown up....SOOOOO hard 
Keep an eye on your daughter as I know you will want to keep her on the right path. Spend Special Time with her to reinforce your relationship; it would be very easy to let her brother's behaviour overshadow the whole family dynamic.
Do you think your son would benefit from some counselling with a Youth Worker? Would he go to it?
You say you feel very angry but suppress it because of your daughter. I am not suggesting you rant and rave, either at him or about him, but I think it would be OK to say to her "I am very angry that your brother has done this, I feel disappointed and hurt"....and let her talk about how she feels too.
We will keep supporting you 
Tough love is so hard to dish out isnt it but sometimes it is what is needed, good for you for saying no for once xxx
Thanks Louise. He was under the Youth Offending Team when under 17 but now 18 he is under Probation Service but keeps on having to go to court as he dosent attend the meetings. I try to concentrate on doing things with my daughter but she is at the age where she prefers to be with her friends which is fine. Just leaves me mre time to mull things over. I suppose the bottom line is I just have to to do the best I can as he is now an adult even though he dosent berhave like one. He seems very selfish and would be rather be with girlfriend and mates. I was the same at that age but wasnt taking drugs as my Dad would have killed me. Times have changed
They have indeed, and the hard thing is that once they are 18, although they are still your boy, they are an adult.
You say you are dwelling on things, maybe you could work on that first, to help yourself cope. It helps to be able to talk to other people though, doesn't it? You can come on here anytime.
Another thing you could do is to get in contact with Compass 1 who work with drug users and their families throughout the North, they also have a lot of experience of the Criminal Justice System which I know is looming its ugly head in your son's life right now.
You're right, times have changed!! Well done you for being strong with him, and saying no. I do hope you're not sitting there now feeling guilty for doing so. xx
Hi sam1j. Welcome along to One Space. I'm so pleased that someone recommended this site to you, and you'll receive lots of support. Even if we're not going through the same problems as you, you'll be given info etc.
I'm sorry you're going through this, as well as your daughter of course. It does sound as if you've tried different things with your son, even throwing him out, and that in itself must have been a huge thing for you to do. How old is your son now? Can you explain to your daughter that even though you love your son very much, he is having lots of problems and you can't have him living with you at the moment. Does she know that he is facing a prison sentence? I can't begin to imagine how you're feeling through this, but maybe serving time might help him see the wrong that he has done, and that in itself might put him on the right track.
Please keep posting, as others will be along to offer their support. Take care. xx