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Hi,
Its quite long but i just need some advice my current partner just received a letter from child support stating he will have to pay child maintaince to a child that his ex is claiming for. He has doubts about this child and had nothing to do with the child since the child was born who now is 4 years of age. My partner was out of the country for 5 years so thats where his doubts come in his name also is not on the birth certificate he had let go of all that but his ex is digging up again im not sure what to do or what my partners right is its causing a strain in our relationship and depressing and stressing us both please can you give me some advice in what rights my partner has and what he can do i will be very very much thankful.
Hey thanks!
Iv asked him but he does not want to pay and i dont think he wants to know he let go of all as he was suffering he says how he does not want anything to do with it and if any law or legal help stands by him his not seen the child or anything and the childs now 4 the last thing his ex said to him was " i'm going to make sure you suffer and pay" so im not sure how to go by it i know shes a very jealous ex and was not happy with him being with anyone else this is such a mess its so depressing :'(
It hurts me so much im so depressed i cant talk to anyone about it i cant sleep eat im constantly depressed and crying i told him im ok with it but it still hurts i love my partner more than anything i dont want to leave him and escape this missery but then theres another side telling me to run before it gets worse u suffer from anxiety really bad. Im so lost seriously.
Hi Saj1990. I think your partner should contact the CSA as Louise suggests. If he is the Father, then he should pay for the child, that is only right. If it's proven that the child isn't his, then you both can move on from this. In all of this, he should remember that there is a small child, who deserves to know the truth.
I know i've said that but he is so heartless about it i cant get him to do it he just wants to ignore it but its not helping as it messing me up
I think he knows its his and he just doesn't want anything to do with it
Dear Saj1990 you are getting yourself into such a state about it, poor you. But really it is not your problem. I agree with Hazeleyes that if it is his child then he has a responsibility and the child also deserves to know.
Sorry to say this.....but I would be very careful if I were you....if he is not wanting involvement with this child even if it IS his then what does that tell you about how he may be if you stay with him and want a child of your own someday? One thing I think is really important is to have a good look at our partner's standards and values before we get too involved with them and this is a real case in point. Sorry.
I know iv questioned that but i love him so much i just cant get myself to leave iv tried his tried but it hurts more!
I know, I do understand. I just want you to love yourself more!!!
I think iv gone on for too long and now in a position i feel trapped i dont want to leave him then i think is it for the best i mean i told him this situation is really effecting me and he turned on me say what sort of partner am i why am i so weak and how he feels bad now because i feel this way because of his problems you see then that makes it worse now the major stressful part also is i think i may be pregnant and i dont know if i should tell him or not
I would find out for sure before you tell him. It does sound as if he cannot take responsibility, and he certainly isn't doing the right thing by his potential child's mother. I would think long and hard about a future with this man, and if you're not pregnant, perhaps you should re-consider the relationship, especially as you have no children with him. Yes you love him, but think about the fact, if he can do this to one child, what could he perhaps do to yours? Too many men walk away from their responsibilities, and then turn up at a later date, when it suits them, totally disrupting that child's life.
Thats so true what confuses me is that his so desperate to have a child with me iv told him i dont want that but his been trying for two years. My periods are regular and this time i yet havnt started he stopped me from taking anything or him using protection and him he made me feel down that i cant get pregnant im only 21 and i feel as tho my lifes at a end
This is how i feel sometimes or could it be the fact that im in his life he thinks i will suffer and thinks his protecting me from pain and hurt am i stopping him ?
He cannot stop you taking precaution. Find out for sure, then see your GP. Only you can change your life, you're 21 years old, and if you think your life is at an end now, just imagine staying with him for another 10 years!!!!
Thats so true i think it will end iv tried to walk away but im his wife i think thats one thing that stops it i was the fool to believe that his past will not come up but it keeps on coming back we both come from very traditional families and it will bring major miserys iv left him before but felt life was worse iv been treated badly in the past by ex partners and his the only that was the best iv had in the begining it was amazing i felt on top abf now he puts it like he loves me more than anything and i know he does then why all this
Have a read of this here It's called the Freedom Programme, about abusive partners etc, whether it's physical abuse or mental abuse. If you've had bad relationships in the past, where the partner has been abusive in some way, as you don't know any different, it is so easy to get drawn back into another relationship, much the same.
If you don't mind me saying, it was foolish to think that his past wouldn't come back to haunt him and you. This is a child that we're talking about, not some sort of petty thieving.
I know i just believed its not his and his still saying its not his i will look into it thanks x
Yes, do read the Freedom Programme info that Hazleyes has given you, Saj1990. Have a pregnancy test when you can (you can buy them at the chemist and test yourself around the time your period would be due) and if you are not pregnant, you need to think about precautions, without his knowledge, you can see the doctor in confidence. ....and at least that would give you a bit of space to get your head round things.
Saj1990, I think you should contact Womens Aid on 0808 2000 247 and have a chat with them.
It sounds as though you are in an abusive relationship and also that you might not be safe, especially if he thinks that you are considering leaving.
You do not want to have children with this man, you need to rebuild your life and start looking out for you.
You know this in your heart but you are scared, that is why I urge you to ring the number above and get some professional help.
Thanks for your help. His not physically hurting me but let me tell u a situation yesterday we went to the supermarket to do shopping i had lost him in the store so decided to wait outside that way he could find me he came out with the shopping went fuming pass and goes for me to shut my mouth n get in the car he used other abusive words to i got angry as well because of the way he was talking to me and him to be quite or il slap him (i've never hit him) he stopped came to my face n forces me to slap him i didn't he chucked the shopping bag across the car park i was shocked. We sat in the car n he wouldn't even look at me let alone touch him he was very upset abd angry that i said i'd slap him he then goes how im ugly, he'll divorce me just like that, he hopes i'd die and that i should bleed and they baby would die ( found out i am pregnant). I tried to hold him he flung my hand i tried again he put his hand over my face n pushed me away :'(. I know this us wrong but there i was begging him saying im sorry i begged him for hours still no response at that point he told me to go away but he made no effort for me to leave just words like i'll throw u out the car. I dont know how to be without him and im scared of being asked to leave him :'(
Oh Saj you poor thing, that is totally horrendous. Please do ring Womens Aid as Anna suggested and talk through your options. You CANNOT live like this.
The number is 0800 2000 247
Please call TODAY
Saj1990, please, phone that number. You need to get away from him.
saj1990, this is just the beginning my love, you do need to do something about it. I know you feel like you can't live without him, but do you want your child seeing a man who is supposed to love you, treat you like this?
Do you want your child to treat you with the same lack of respect. This is a crisis in the making. I know that you will find all the excuses under the sun, of why he was angry, what you might have done wrong etc etc, but there are no real excuses, his behaviour is unacceptable.
Did you know that abuse escalates when a woman is pregnant, you are 3 times more likely to be assaulted by your partner at this time. You are very vulnerable.
I urge you to contact the number above and keep talking to us. Leaving someone like your husband is a very emotional and difficult thing and certainly not as easy as just finishing the relationship and walking out of the door and I think you know that, that is why you must seek professional support.
You mention that you come from traditional familes, this can make it seem all the harder to ask for help, however please click on Refuge and see what else is on offer. You don't have to leave him right away, just learn about your options.
Are you happy with the news of being pregnant?
Hello Saj1990
Your partner needs to contact the Child Support Agency and say he is not sure the child is his and asking how to proceed with a DNA test. Quite aside from the money, it must be hard for him not knowing whether it is his child.....if the DNA test proves that it is, will he also want to make a relationship with the child?