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Hi I'm wondering if anyone can help me. My little boys Dad just looked after him for the day and then brought him home asleep. L has woken up since his Dad has gone and has told me that he went to Daddy's old boss's work (who happens to be Daddy's housemate) and that Daddy did work while he was in the office and that he played on the xbox in the store while Daddy was working (his old boss works at currys). L also told me he'd been doing jobs with Daddy doing cleaning. When I've said something to his Dad he's basically tried to tell me he only left him whlie he was eating his lunch which to me seems worse in a way as i said what would he of done if he'd choked. His Dad has made me feel as if I'm blowing it out of all proportion but I don't think I am. L is only 4 and in my opinion too young to be doing this his mate takes his son to work but he's 12 and can look after himself.
What are other people's views on this am I expecting too much from his Dad or am I right to think this is wrong???
I'd been planning on talking to him over the next few days about changing the access he has with L as at the min it always seems to occur at my house other than on rare occasions like today but I wanted this to change so I didn't have to see him so much to help me move on and start re-building my life but now I'm not sure I can trust him if todays anything to go by.....????.....
Thought I had everything straight in my head at last and now i feel like i'm back at square one :-(
His dad wouldn't dream of taking him to his work with him because they would say it wasn't safe for him to be there, it's his mates work he took him to so not really a need for him to be there at all for any period of time. They were there from what i gather from about 11.30-3.30. If his Dad is meant to be working L goes to nursery so his Dad knows there is an alterative available and that he doesn't need to take him to work. L's dad's level of supervision isn't always fantastic and the slightest distraction would take his attention completely from L.
Gosh, no need for him to be there at all then!!!
Well that was what I thought but I wasn't sure if I was being a bit OTT
Well no, it is quite one thing for your boy's dad to need to pop into work to do something urgent and another entirely to just hang around his mate's work, although the cleaning thing, was that at the store as well, ie he might have been actually working?
Yeah could understand him needing to go into his work for something urgent. The cleaning was in the store yeah just as a favour to his mate not as proper work
Hi zippy
Personally I think it depends on how long he is at work with his dad and how much of an eye his dad is keeping on him. Surely even if he left him while he ate lunch he wouldn't just leave him on his own and he would ask someone to keep an eye? If they were only there for an hour or two then as long as he was looked after, there should not be a problem (I sometimes had to take children to work myself for a short time). However, if they were there all day then I would question it, not just in the matter of safety but actually more on the grounds that it is not quality time, your son being stuck in a store all day.
Of course I understand you do not want his dad always at the house but surely there are alternatives, whether the park, a cafe or a soft play centre. If you want to raise the subject with his dad, what do you think of the idea of a letter (less heated than a conversation and you can think quite carefully about what to say and stick to facts rather than emotions) You can choose to use a Mediator if things get difficult but better if this can be sorted out on your own.