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Three nights in a row dd stayed in bed from 8pm then tonight she didn't stay in bed until 11. I'm exhausted, she has been kicking, hitting, biting and spitting. I can't help thinking it is because her dad spent only one hour with her today and stayed here, whereas last week (on my birthday) he took her out for 6 hours, even though the agreed contact is 3 hours on Sunday afternoon. I didn't want to agree to the extra long visit on my birthday but he wears me down until I give in, and I suspect it was his fiancee that wanted the long visit. I'm seeing a new side to her since he phoned me in the week and his phone was on speaker and I could hear her voice clearly saying to him "I'm losing patience with her you're a parent too". she said this in response to me saying to him I would like to stick to the agreed contact of 3 hours and not extend the contact to 5 hours every week.
He is so hypocritical - after saying DD needs more contact (in front of the fiancee) he then only stays today for an hour visit as he says the fiancee is ill. I wouldn't be surprised if he heads off into town for a couple of hours and pretends to the fiancee he has had 3 hours contact with dd!!!
I do too...
Thank goodness tonight went back to normal, dd in bed by 8pm. asleep by 8.40. We've been doing a reward chart since Thursday so I'm glad it's going to have something positive on it in the morning! She has a bottle of tap water in her room every night and I leave the light on in the corridor outside her room so she can get to the toilet if she needs to. (which she hardly ever does - but hey they all seem to have these excuses don't they? lol.)
I'm much more careful these days not to talk about ex in front of dd, and I only talk about him with friends or family when dd is asleep or at school.
Thanks for all the comments.
I'm so glad the evening went well.
englishrose, it sounds as though you are doing such a good job. Its incredible the effect of our childrens other parent, can have on our little ones.
As long as you recognise that this is probably the reason for her unsettlement, then you can find that you dont' worry so much about it. It is just dealing with the fallout.
I know this is hard, and I dont' know if you do this or not, but never mention your ex's new partner when you and he have discussions about contact or issues around arrangements. Keep her well out of it, the deal is between you and him and no one else.
Just keep your home life as settled and stable as possible and your daughter will soon learn what is best for her.
Hello english rose
Poor you, you must be so tired.....
I agree your daughter needs consistency. However, you cannot "force" her dad to have her for three hours if he does not want to...ironic though it may be that only last week he pressurised you to have her for longer!
Your little daughter probably feels rejected, no doubt her dad has said to her "sorry but X is ill, I have to go " and your daughter thinks she has been set aside for X. All that bedtime shenanigans was pobably aimed at HIM but you are the only person she feels safe enough to express it with , if you know what I mean. See how you get on tonight but if the behaviour continues, I suggest a bedtime starchart. Don't forget the aim is just for her to stay in bed, not to go to sleep. I used to put a potty in son's room until he was about 5 just so he did not have the "but I need a wee" excuse for coming out of his bedroom
. You could also leave a drink of water in her room (another favourite excuse)
Your own (understandable) anger at your ex comes across in your post; please try not to let your daughter see that, as it is infectious and will make her worse.
Hope you get a better night tonight