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Hi I am new here and am looking for support. I have finally found the strength to tell my abusive partner to leave. We have children together and now that he has no control over me directly he is threatning me with taking the kids from me. He is spreading rumours etc and refuses to give me anything for the children. He has only been gone a week and a half and my life has been hell!!! He had a affair, I tried to get over it found that too hard especially as everything was/is "all my fault". I just wish he would act like a mature adult about this. I am seeing a solicitor this week.
Hello galaxy39
You are welcome here!!
I have sent you a very long post via the Ask the Expert feature with a barrel-load of links on it, do work your way through it as there is a lot to do right now.
Hazeleyes has mentioned The Freedom Programme and this is a fab online course that helps you get to grips with moving on from abuse.
There is loads of friendly support on here too, some members have experienced what you are going though and can reassure you that life does get easier.
Hope you are staying warm on this chilly day 
Hi
My children are 5 and 8 they are his. They are ok until they see him and come back and say its my fault daddy is not here. Then I have a 14 year old (he has a different dad) who has suffered through this. The police have been involved twice, they believed him. My own family even question if he is telling the truth!! I have been seeking help through my doctor and therapist for months, even contacted womans aid/dv a few times over the past 12 months. So I can safely say I have been effected by him and this situation for a while. I just feel by myself at times, alienated by people I thought understood.
Yes it is hard as they can even begin to make you doubt yourself! and always they are charming to outsiders so it can be the case that people don't believe what theya re capable of.
if it is "your fault" that the children are not living with their dad anymore then they will thank you one day if you have removed them from an abusive situation.
Stay with us
Welcome to you galaxy39...
You have great strength finally telling him to leave, although it probably doesn't make you feel much better at the moment...there is great support here though...
hi galaxy39 first of all i like to say welcome to this site and you will find alot of support on here .
i know how you are feeling and what you are going through put please can i say that you have a made huge step in telling him to go . i know that that was not easy thing to do . but it his choice to virbally abuse you or to hit you . you did not ask him to that to you and you are not to fault. for any person to do that to their loved one is a sign of their weakness not yours .
yes you will feel like that your world and the people in it are against you . but you have to stay strong and you will get through this , you may not feel like it yet . you will in time start to feel like you are slowly getting the control of your life back. but it wont be easy nor wil be quick . at the mion you will feel worthless etc but trust me your not.
he will say all sorts and do all what he can to get at you . people will believe in him as they have not seen it or heard it so they feel like they cant believe it cant happen or dont want to see it as they cant deal with it . he will make it out to be you and your fault. but like i say he had the choice and they get to believe in themselves and what they want . it boild down to them and they want to control . he will say waht he can to get at you and its sad but he will use the kids its there way to get at you . all i can say is be strong and hugs and kisses try to explain in words that they understand as they are upset and they are confused do they want to see their dad ?
even if you spoke to your ex he will turn it to being all your fault . you have spoken to your doc and counselling will help . keep with the womens aid they will help and have you spoke to them about family support ? that is what my boys are doing with me . speak to cab stay with womens aid and if keeps being a pain always call the police they have to listen
you have to get your money sorted out so you and the kids will be ok and looked after that way in wont feel it but standing up to him and telling him is so brave and you are taking the control off him and i really do know where you are coming from and it is not nice but there is hope .
my ex left me in may this year and he had hit me before in the marriage but i stayed cause of the kids i was scared and loved him and then i thought he would change but they dont its a cover they put on . it them feeling insure they have the problems and they cant face them. they push the blame as its there way and its us that feel crap . this time he hit me for the last time and in front of my son who saw what he did and now he is on bail and we are awaiting court .
that is not nice to put your life through this but i had no choice as my son saw what he did and i had to take control stand up and tell him no more im in control . it takes time to get to where i am and god i still have down days and feel like im caving in so i go out if i have to kick the wall my aunt told me too and cry out there i try not to get upset in front of the kids but its hard to do . im still under the hospital for what he did to me but i will get there .
you hang in there is there any one close that you can talk too in times like this you find out true friends etc but you are not alone here we help each other.
sending you a hug dont be too hard on yourself cry when you want too and rest take little steps keep the key in the door at all times so if he as to come to the house he has to knock to get in my ex hated that when i did that but its a small way but again you are in control stay posting
Hello galaxy39 and welcome to One Space
shaz 5 has written a great post, and i hope that you have taken a look at the freedom programme link that hazeleyes added as this is really helpful in looking at the abusive behaviour and understanding how it is not your fault.
Do you have any other support friends/family? How are your children coping?
Hi galaxy39, MMmmmm my favourite chocolate 
Hi five to you for doing one of the most difficult things in the world, removing an abusive person from your home.
Your poor kids are being fed a load of rubbish, is it possible for you to repeat what they say with shock in your voice, so they can hear it coming out of your mouth "you think that me - your mummy is mean? I think you are wonderful and the most important thing in my life, is for you to grow up happy and carefree??" and move in for a big hug.
As for your eldest son, he is going to need lots of support and understanding and I imagine he is going to need his confidence raised some. Does he do any activities after school?
Hi galaxy39. Welcome along to One Space, and well done for finding the strength to tell your abusive partner to leave. Like you've already said, now he no longer has control over you, he is threatening to take the children from you. It's just a mere threat, as he is wanting to hurt you for taking his control away! It's good that you are seeing a solicitor this week, and One Space also have a solicitor, so feel free to e.mail them, all confidential. Click on the blue link here They normally take a few days to get back to you. Keep on posting here, as you'll receive lots of support from us.
How old are your children? How are they dealing with everything?
You might also like to take a look at the Freedom Programme. An online course about abusive behaviour. here