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hi im new here and newly separated. I had what i thought was a happy solid and secure marriage to a loving husband and amazing father until last friday when we were woken by the police arresting my husband for sex offences over the internet with a 12 year old. Ive read the magazines and never got how the wives had no clue about there husbands other side but i can honestly say i had no idea and I still cannot reconcile the idea that the 2 men are the same person. Neither myself nor the police have any concerns over our daughter who is 3 however they have put no unsupervised access as one of his bail conditions. I am still completely shocked by everything that has gone on, I cannot begin to understand it and want to just curl up in bed and not get out but i have to keep things as calm as possible for my daughter. Ive already started divorce proceedings. my immediate family which is tiny are the only ones who know the full story, a few friends know weve split but i havent given any details as i am too embarrassed by it all. I cannot believe anyone will accept i didnt know and also humiliated at what hes done to us. I am moving between grief as its like the man i know and loved has died and tainted every memory we made and anger at the man that is in his place and what he is putting us through. I then have guilt at accepting any kindness from friends as feel if they new th full story they would avoid us like the plague, worry at how im going to cope as a single mum on just one wage and that im doing the right things for my daughter what do i tell her about where her daddy is (though in a week she has yet to ask, is this normal?) After disussion wth child protetion services Ive decided that for the time being no access at all to be allowed and based on that they are not going to become involved . Its all just such a mess. Sorry for the ramble.
Hello skittles and welcome.
My heart goes out to you, what a terrible shock. Of course you knew nothing of what is going on but although you are right that not everyone may believe that, the fact that you are divorcing him surely shows the world what you think of his behaviour, and anyone who knows you properly will know the truth of the matter,
There are a lot of decisions to be made now, mainly practical ones. Firstly are you intending to remain in the home you are in now?Secondly you need to look into what financial help you can get as a single parent. I presume that you have already had legal advice in that you have started divorce proceedings.
Please feel free to email our Housing Expert and our Benefits Expert who can give you help and advice about these things.
There are not enough support services for the partners and ex-partners of sex offenders, but it may be worth looking at this website here
Hi skittles. Welcome along from me too. What an awful shock for you, but you have nothing to be ashamed of. Your husband did this, not you. You've started divorce proceedings, and of course you're going through so many different emotions, so your head and heart must be all over the place at the moment. I'm assuming your husband is guilty, and it's not some god awful mistake? This of course can happen can't it? Have you had the chance to speak to him at all? Not sure how you'd feel about that, but it might help you in someway or other. I'm glad you have some family around, to support you and your daughter. You also have One Space too, and we'll all give you as much support as we can.
Thank you all. Louise im ok for housing luckily my home is owned by my sister i rent from her so were secure at home, youre right there is no support out there ive tired searching, i've been to the link you gave and sent then an email so hopfully there may be some there. hazel eyes i wish there was some sort of mistake thats what went though all our minds as it just seemed so absurd to any of us at all but the police have said he has admitted to it so as hard as it is to try and belive i have to. I have taken legal advice as im very concerned with self preservation because of my daughter. I am well aware if when it gets to court its picked up by the press how the public percieve these caases to be worse than murder these days and i dont want a brick through my window or my daughter labelled with it and following her round school. I have been advised due to this i can change my daughters surname as well as my own and i am best to leave it as no contact with him or his family at all. On the one side i agree with this as i dont think i can handle my daughter seeing him off and on and how this will confuse her as she is a total daddys girl, but on the other i feel for his parents, she is the only grandchild and his mother absoloutley dotes on her,,though she has taken him in knowing what he has done and has not asked how we are. I'm rambling again so much runing through my head.
Hello skittles
Yes there is a lot to think about. As far as I understand it, many people choose to move to a new area. This seems a massive upheaval but it is worth keeping in mind as an option (not immediately but as time goes on)
Hope you get a positive reply to your email. All the material I have read echoes what you have said: that the wife or partner is absolutely astounded and it is the last thing they would have exepected.
As for his mum, I guess what we have to remember is that he is her child, and so it would be difficult for her to turn her back on him. You can keep your distance for the time being and see how you feel re contact with the grandparents once things have settled down...it's hard to make decisions when emotions are so raw.
Keep posting and we will keep supporting you 
Hi skittles, just wanted to pop into this thread and welcome you to the forum
I am so sorry to read your shocking and devastating news. While you are sorting out money and other practicalities, please just take each day as it comes, be kind to yourself and have little treats and rewards for yourself and your daughter.
Do your family help with childcare at all? I was wondering if you could ask them to have your daughter for a couple of hours so that you can 'just be' for a while, without having to think about her?
hi skittles just read your story what a shock but welcome to this site . i get where you are coming from that the person you loved becomes someone you dont know and that in away is another emotion we have to deal with. but do take it day by day and try to treat yourself and your daughter like anna says even if it is a chocolate bar it is small but helps .
stay on board you will get lots of support on here x
just posting again to vent before i explode with anger. Having sorted all the practical stuff since i last posted the divorce is underway the papers have gone to him im just waiting for him to sign however i am now being hassled by his family for access to my daughter, they have sent me a letter having a go at me and accusing me of punishing them for his behaviour in witholding access from them also. steam is coming from my ears. i had really thought they would know me better than that if they are that concerned about their grandaughter they have had 7 weeks in which to ask how she is which even their letter doesnt do. in addition how can they even think im just going to let them pick my daughter up and take her for a few hours when he lives with them. I have also heard from another source that he is seeking legal advice as he is determined to get access to our daughter. have any of them actually stopped being so selfish and though about my daughter in all this.?!?!?!?!?!. For her to see any of them she then has to have child protection services involved she has to also deal with seeing her dad for a few hours and leaving him which is going to confuse and upset her more than she is already if they really cared they wouldnt push this. i really get the impression they do not believe what he is done is as serious as it is and this is going to blow over!
Hello skittles,
My heart goes out to you - what a cruel blow to have life as you knew it shattered in the way that it has been.
I can totally understand your anger at this recent turn of events regarding your ex partner's family - they seem to be thinking about themselves rather than your daughter, who you naturally want to protect and shield from what has gone on.
How do you feel about writing them a letter in return, pointing out what you have stated above (it might help to write two letters - one being a 'do not send' letter, where you do totally vent and write down exactly what you think, the other being a more measured version that you actually post)?
You could also ask our legal expert their advice - I've inserted a link here if you feel you want to do that.
Mary
Hello Skittles , welcome to OneSpace ....IM so very sorry to read your story. You must of been/still am so shocked and hurt... When I read these stories in the mags I always read that it tends to be people who have children themselves althou they would never hurt their own and now a days the children involved (sex) look a lot older than they are (that's no excuse thou ). It's totally up to you who you tell but don't feel ashamed as its not your fault. How could anyone possible think your involved or knew. I wouldn't be happy with unsupervised visits with your child bUt I'm not sure how laws work when it comes to that & the crime involved...beat of luck for the future (big hug)