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Hi
My name is Steven and have recently seperated from my wife of 8 years (together for 15), we have 2 kids one 6 year old and one 5 month old. I tried so hard to keep us all together happy, but knew I was fighting a losing battle. Finally 2 weeks ago I packed my bags after we both finally agreed enough is enough and we couldn't carry on just for the kids, it was killing us. I pictured that moment for months beforehand day and night, and driving back home to my parents in London I felt so many emotions it was unbearable. Unfortunately due to living up north and having nowhere to live I had to leave my job so now I'm 200 miles away from my boys and currently dont have an income. I'm probably going to have to declare myself bankrupt as credit cards, mortgages, loans etc wont be paid. The good news is that me "ex" will let me see the boys whenever I want, and I promise when i'm back on my feet I will take care of their finances and will always make sure they know who their dad is.
I'm praying that this raw pain will one day go, I tried everything to keep us together, I always tried to give her whatever she wanted but when the love disappears between the both of you and you dont know why? I just feel I'm being punished for something?
I hope one day I'll find love again, I enjoy looking after someone - saying I love you and them saying it back, it's such a buzz. I know that I have to take my time and make sure i'm in the right state of mind........but i'm lonely.....and it hurts so much.
S
Hi Steven_S
Loads of hugs from me. Nothing can be said at the mo that will be of any comfort. But this board is brilliant for listening and offering support.
Thanks!
One thing i need at the moment is support, and hopefully friends.
S
Hi Steven_S. My heart goes out to you, it really does. I guess all anyone can really say, is, give it time, as much time is needed to get over the pain that you're feeling. Its great that your ex says you can see the boys anytime that you want. Would it be possible to have contact and stay in the same house that she is in? I know it isn't really ideal, but just until you can come up with something else?
Please keep posting as we are all here for you, to listen, to rant, to sometimes have a laugh or two.
Hi
I will be staying in the for a couple of nights each month, i'll be sleeping in my 6 year olds room, while my ex sleeps in "our" old room. This alone will be painful enough just knowing that she will be in the room next door. I still have very confused feelings for her, love her/hate her feel torn most of the time. I know that I can no longer have a life with her but that situation that will arise in a couple of weeks already gives me the creeps. But must be done for the sake of the kids and me and my ex's continuing friendship.
Steve
However difficult, as I'm sure you're finding, if things can be kept amicable, it does help.
It is an incredibly difficult thing to come to terms with and to adjust to.
Hello Steven_S
It is good that you have found us, welcome. I am Louise, one of the Moderators here, along with Anna and Helen T.
The others have suggested some good things, especially the bit about staying amicable, NOT easy, but so helpful for the children if you can manage it.
There are a lot of challenges ahead: financial, emotional and practical so just take one day at a time. There will the legal situation to consider as well, but maybe you could concentrate on settling in at your parents' house, making arrangements for the boys and then how to sort out the money side of things. Do get in touch with your local Citizen's Advice Bureau and arrange an appointment to discuss the debt situation. Be totally open when you go along and take all paperwork, they are fantastic and have seen many people in your situation and know exactly what to do. Click here to search for your local one.
We are all here to help you in your co-parenting and to give you some emotional support too!
Thank you!
x
Hi Steven_S and welcome to One Space,
Support is definatly something we can offer here.
I think your so right, breaking up is such a hard thing to come to terms with especially with the mixed feelings you mentioned towards your ex. Do you know any other single Dad's?
HelenT
Hi
No - i'm on my own on that front.
S
Hi again Steven_S
Well, we have a few dads on here who can give you a helping hand and some wise words. Also you might like to have a look at a site called DadsUk, click here to see it.
When is your next visit to see your boys?
That type of arrangement was something I first suggested in our case. I had an office, as I worked from home - it had been a detached garage (used to have a big place). It had a utility area in the back, that could have been converted to a shower room and kitchen.
I had suggested that he stayed there in the week (he left for work before 6am) and I would stay there at the weekends.
I think it might have worked, as at that point we were still reasonable friends.
Sadly, the place had to be sold to pay off debts.
I think you're incredibly strong doing this the way you are. Would she consider the odd weekend away so you didn't have to feel the... I'm struggling for a word here... is sadness the right word to use? Being so close to her?
hug. Look after yourself.
sy
Hi Steven_S
Welcome to One Space, I am sorry you have had to find us, but very glad you did!
There are no answers to overcoming the pain and sorrow of an ended relationship, other than take each day as it comes, try and concentrate on the good things and good memories, know that as one door closes another door opens....I don't mean a new relationship, I mean opportunites, life changes.
Other sites you might want to look at are Dads Talk and Dads Space. I am not trying to send you away as we are here for you, however you may find some useful information from them. If you do, let us know!
Do you think you will find somewhere to live in London, or move to near your boys? or is it too early days?
Hi, I'm not very good at saying stuff, I just remember how it sounded when people said stuff to me when I was in a bad place.
But hello anyway : )