Hiya,
Well, how to start? I am a single parent of 4 boys aged 1, 2, 4 & 8 respectively. I suffer from bi-polar (which is managed, though have my down days)
Somebody recommended this site. So here I am!
Hello 
Hiya,
How ar you?
Watching Eurovision and trying to forget about the rest of the day!!
I do indeed have my down days. Today is a very bad one. It's a very selfish reason though, so probably best to ignore my issues.
The children do well, despite me, I'm sure!
I have no idea how well/badly I will be received here. Suffice to say that I am not exactly popular and with mkany friends.
How old are the rest of your children? Sounds like you have done an amazing job.
Thank you for welcoming me, although I doubt I am worth the time.
Fair enough. How's it working out for you? Are you able to forget the day? And what has happened today that hasd been so bad? Perhaps I can help, albeit with only advice.
There's a lot going on here - having to clear the house for it to be rewired - just not much notice! And no one to help, sadly...
When you say not much notice, you mean it has to be done by when? I'm in A********, if you are remotely nearby, I may be able to offer some help. I can always get someone to sit with the kids if you need help at all.
(Note from Moderator: Name of town initialled for the sake of users privacy and that of the children)
Thank you very much. I'm in north wales though!
We were meant to have the work done in June, but changed to 16 May. Ten days notice, but not much good when the children at school/college and I had work and scouty stuff to sort. Should be doing an essay too.
My lot are quite grown up though 19, 17, 15 and 12, but the 19 year old is away for the weekend.
The other three have worked hard today. Fifteen year old has learning difficulties, so is finding it challenging - but has worked hard.
Sounds like they are a credit to you!
My apologies as you work and I am signed off as i-polar (prior to becoming a single parent).
I would love to go out and work, if for nothing else but to be able to. My children are the best in the world, but I do feel they are jinxed with having me as a father figure.
Thgere are times when I feel they would be better off without me, to be honest.
I work very part time. I'm officially a carer for my fifteen year old. I try and fill in time doing voluntary stuff, which means I am here or can at least drop everything to be here when things aren't straight forward.
The best you can do for your children is what you are doing. They need someone who is there for them 100%. They're certainly not jinxed having you.
What ever this lot go through, they know I'll do all I can to never let them down.
Children can't ask for more.
Every day of my life I feel like a let down. There never seems to be anything I can do about it, other than accept it.
Perhaps this is somewhere that the board can help you with.
Your children are very young too, which is so incredibly tiring.
There will be support groups able to help you too, as well as parent and toddler groups where you will be able to go and have some company. It's difficult for the mother's to walk in for the first few times (my oldest is 19 and I still remember!).
It's a case of getting into a new routine with things, and the need to believe that you are doing your best. No one's perfect (although I tell my lot I am!), but when your doing your best, no one can ask for more.
My youngest was 5 when I left.
I've not had experience of bi-polar, but its good that it is managed.
Garak
Everyone has value, your bi-polar will make things difficult for you at times, please dont let that stop you from posting on here, no one will judge you, if you have a bad day then we want to know and try our best to support you through it, if you have a good day we also want to know, there is a chat part towards the bottom of the page where we have a good old whinge and a moan about day to day things.
Why do you feel you are unpopular with many of your friends, is it that they dont understand bi-polar? I do have knowlegde of it, my ex`s ex has it and at times it was very very hard, she didnt take her medication and didnt go for appts which was a recipe for disaster really.
Do you have support, family or groups that you go to?
One thing I would like you to think about is this, you say that you feel your children are jinxed having you as a father, social services didnt think that did they? The courts didnt think that either as you were awarded full custody of all 4 children, not an easy thing for a father to get even without bi-polar so well done to you, please do think of that when you are having a down day, lots of people see something in you that you dont see in yourself, hopefully as time goes on you will xxx
I think you have more than enough "work" with 4 children to care for, please be kind to yourself, there is time enough for getting a job when the time is right for you all.
I do hope you will stay with one space, it really is a wonderful site and as I said no one will judge you, we will though support and advise you the best we can.
I also thought it was such a lovely gesture to offer to help sparklinglime, really really kind.
Hope you have a peacful night and look forward to chatting again soon xxx
Hi Garak
I have just been posting to you on the "Your story" section, nice to see you here, do join us in the Chat section (click on the blue link to get there)
Hi Garak
As I said in the Your Story link, it really sounds as though you have your hands full! I don't envy you! However as your children get older, they will bring you so much joy.
You mentioned earlier that you werew having a bad day for selfish reasons, therefore it must be ignored. I beg to differ, whatever the reason for having a bad day, it needs to be expressed and shared, then we can concentrate on being a good parent again....when parenting alone I think we often think we are being self centred, feel sorry for ourselves and our situation and there isn't anyone around the 'put us back on the road to sensibility!' however One Space is here for you.
You mention that you have someone that can sit with the kids, do you have good local support? Friends or family?
I have very few friends, and the only family living locally is her's, not mine. And things are politely referred to as 'strained.'
My father and brothers are all very busy where they are, and my mother died a long time ago (I was 5 at the time).
But still, I will muddle through, as always. Please forgive the dramatics when I feel I can't go on.
I can sort of understand that feeling.
I have a brother and sister (quite a bit older than me) who have their own lives - so understand that one too, sadly.
You will muddle through, and you will be ok. It's just a case of taking baby steps to get there, and I have found that trying not to look too far ahead helps too.
Hello there how are you
I have read your story and feel for you, i have sort of been there to i was left with three young children 3years age they were aged 5 7 and 13 at the time and my ex-wife ran off with a guy from the internet, left debt and started again with a new family.
its soul destroying i know dident want to carry on do it couldent see a way out but hey man your a star your children need you your there life line there stabillity. I know its hard you carnt see a future maybe but believe me promise it does get better, its just one day at a time fella.
STUART
Hi garack, have you seen this message looking for single dads? They might get someone to give you some tips on coping with 3 small children and it would give you something else to focus on!
Let us know if you do decide to respond to them!
Hello again Garak : )
Wait till your kids get older, mine make me laugh every day, eight and six now, mostly anyway they do on occasion make me want to beat them with a stick mind.
An old girlfriend of mine had a Morroccan dad and he used to make her go and choose a stick that he would then smack her with, not that I'm suggesting anyone do that, just her story made me laugh when she was telling it, she used to go off and find the smallest one she could and come back and he would make her go off and get a bigger one.
On reflection though she was a bit mad so maybe it didn't work out as such a good thing in the end.
Lol, thank heavens all the sticks are in Morocco and not here!
How are you doing today, Garak?
My kids are doing Karate at the moment, its amazing, the Sensi has total control over them all, they jump to attention and bow, stand completly still for periods of time I previously thought impossible.
He hit's them with a big rubber stick, they are supposed to try and get out the way, but often don't.
: )
Amazing.
Hello all,
Health visitors have been out again and have said to persevere with my youngest's refusal to eat solids, so plenty more vomit on the way, for me to clean up!
Anyway, at least all 4 kids are happy. Just impossible to get a social life off the ground. Nowhere really to go, nobody to go with and when I do go to things, I never quite fit in. I try the toddler groups, but although I am of an age group likely to fit in (31) I still don't, since I am the only man there.
Anyhow, thank you for all your replies. Hope you are all well.
Yes it must be hard to go to the toddler groups with a gaggle of women :-) it is hard enough to go to a new group as it is.
I notice that you have not filled in your location in the profile section, please be assured that this can only be seen by Aministrators such as Anna and myself and not by everyone, so click on Profile, then the Edit tab and complete your address/postcode and I will see if there are any dad things in your area
Hi garak, there here is a little bit of info from other people who have experienced the same issue with their 1 year old refusing to eat solids that may give you some reassurance. It has been interesting reading actually, it is important to persevere with it, however, don't beat yourself up over it, it doesn't make you a failure, all our children are different and as has been said before, he won't always me like this!
Also here are a couple of dads websites you might find interesting and supportive,(not that I want you to leave us, just to find more info perhaps) Dad.info and DadTalk.
Are they of any interest?
I will certainly check them out.
I must admit, I don't mind groups with just women, as I don't really have much in common with many men. It does, however, seem to make the women uncomfortable.
As for location, I don't really mind anyone knowing where I am, just that I missed putting it in, and whenever I go to edit it, it claims a problem with me putting 0 for teenage children (which is what I put and was accepted first time around.) I did put my town name in a post, but it put stars over it. Think of a military town south of our capital.
Ooooh it is a quiz! I am bound to get the wrong answer and will have to let you go into the profile thing again, instead!
Garek! I can relate your comment about 'not having much in common with men' In the six and a half years as a single parent and all the course and groups I've been involved in, nearly all exclusively women, maybe three men in total... I can no longer really relate to men, and women never wholly accept me, cos I'm a man and most of them seem to have a low opinion of men. And where as, oh! isn't he wonderful doing all that on his own being a bloke and all, I still have to get past the man/woman thing of does he or doesn't he, and I rarely do.
And even if I do, I'm not about to do anything about it as I have two kids and I love them more than anything and they come first above all and I'm not about to jeopardise their well being and stability with the fickle interests of someone else.
Still... I do find I have more in common with women these days, well women with kids anyway.
Later.
: )
Cheers, Bubblegum :-)
Hi Garak, I get a bonus point as I guessed the town! I used to work not far from there in my pre-child days, I know you say that you maybe do not have a lot in common with most blokes but I do think it is worth persevering as there maybe some out there who are more your cup of tea, especially if they are caring for their children, as you are. My own experience is that we sometimes make friends with people even if they are not our usual type simply because their children play with ours. There is a dad's group at THIS Children's Centre, give them a ring and check what is on? Same goes for HERE, where there are loads of things advertised.
Just to give you a laugh, when I first started doing the search I found a place called Lads and dads, I thought wow ideal for Garak and his boys......durr, it was not an activity place but a barber's!!!
Hi Garak, welcome to one space, gosh 1,2,4 and 8 you have your hands full xxx I remember it well when mine were little I have 5 altogether but 4 were closer in age, my youngest is now 10.
I`m sorry to hear about your bi-polar but glad its managed, are your down days worse on some occasions than others?
One space is a great site, lots of lovely people on here, please stay and keep posting, others will be along to welcome you and give you lots of advice and support xxx