Hi all
bit of a pickle
I am 27 with 4 children all with the same partner.
Me and my partner broke up around 18 months ago because she cheated and fell pregnant i was not able to deal with the fact the baby may not of been mine 1 month after we split she had her new partner move, in this bloke had never worked in his life, done drugs i was not happy at all
in March this year baby L was born and i did the DNA and it turned out to be mine i was shocked and felt so gulty as i had not brought anything or been envolved.
in june my daughter went to school and the teacher found bruises and a bite mark and we became part of a child protection case, the bite mark turned out possitive to the bloke but my ex refused to leave him and left the house and the children to go live with him so i move in to the house and care full time for all 4 of my children as well as working full time
I am shocked after knowing my ex for 10 years that she can put a bloke before her children
In October this year i went to court to see him hopefully go down then i was amazed to see my ex come out as a witness for him and the bloke got let off but he did plead guilty for playing to hard (grrrr)
i am now trying to get legal aid for my children however i do not think i am entitled as i believe it takes in to account child tax credits even though i pay out 500 a week in child care so it means i will have to pay for a solicitor 200 pounds per hour which i can not afford and will mean me taking out loans
I am living in a two bedroom house as i have had to take over all of my ex debt 4000 pounds, i can not move because there is rent arears and the property is in both are names so housing will not move us until it is clear
Its just never ending lol
Hi raygeorge1985, just wanted to pop in and say Hi.
You do sound like you have your hands full. Did you get any feedback from the Experts Louise advised?
How old are your children? How have they coped with the separation? Do you have contact arrangements for the new baby?
Hiya RG1985,
Bloody hell and I thought my life had been a mess!! I am hoping my battle is coming to an end (Social Services and Police) meeting today.
I am tempted to ask is your ex wife on drugs? Is this something you had considered? Unlike alcohol, drugs (cocaine in my ex's case) are hard to detect/see without tests. She has lied about her usage for 9 years and got away with it. When she did test positive, she lied that it was a one off and the Court believed her. I have had a real battle to prove what I know is true. I have been fighting for custody of my dgthr and spent a lot of money I couldnt afford on solicitors - so much it almost bankrupted me and I got nowhere.
For a mother to give up on her children and to follow her boyfriend sounds like he has something she wants and I dont necessarily mean an exceptionally charming charisma and big appendage. Ironcially enough I had suspected my exwifes new husband might have a drug problem and my dghter confirmed it over the weekend. If you know what drugs he is on, then she is more than likely doing the same. Hair strand tests can detect up to 6 months previous if I am still correct on that.
I would also consider whether u r better off not working whilst all this is going on. You may get more help - not just legal but possibly financial. I wouldnt usually advocate this sort of behaviour but u have to do what is best for you and your kids. I tried to do what I thought was right (being the decent person I am) and paid for everything. If I knew how the last 9 yrs would have turned out, I would have left my job - got Legal Aid etc
Good luck with all your end. It is a big battle but am sure you are big enough. That said I dont envy you. Try and keep your sense of humour. If they are both doing drugs try and look at them as being sick and need help. This helps me otherwise my natural default would be angry and you get less achieved when your emotions take over.
Hello Raygeorge
I can understand what your going through.
I to was left with three children when my ex ran off with a fella.
But of advice if you can try and get a residence order in place for the children to reside with you by law so the children are protected.You then have the rights to claim the child benefit and tax credits.As you both will have PR but they need a stable home base.It will help you in the future if the mother deside to want access or overnight / weekend stays and want to claim.
Stuart.
Hi all,
Yes i currently now recieve the tax credits and child benefit my children are 9, 6, 4 and 7 months we have and arrangement for my ex to see them every other weekend it was every weekend but she changed it as she works now. The children are not alowed to see her partner i have made it clear if my children do come in contact with him contact will be stopped.
As far as i am aware she is on no drugs but lives now 40 minutes away so i do not know the people whos she hangs around with
I have contact a new solicitor so just waiting to see if i get legal aid.
It has put a lot in to perspective i am slowely getting sorted but you realise who your friends/ support are when you have children, its opened my eyes
I did consider not working however i feel this is not a good impression on your kids so i will try to carry on no offence to those not working i understand now more than ever its tough
thanks all
Hi raygeorge1985
Yes you do realise who your friends are. Let us know how you get on with the solicitor.
How did your social worker and police meeting go ?
Hiya RG meeting I was told that was going to happen - didnt happen. Spoke to Social Services and my daughter just came to live with me as from Monday night. Am told a meeting will be convened to decide long term strategy but not heard anything yet - will chase them up on that later.
It sounds like you have got your head screwed on and like you I carried on working (even without always having my dghter) and life was a bloody struggle. With your kids you have a real battle and I wish you all the very best!! Constant Court Cases and breaches of Access wore me down. I dont want to sound like a stuck record regarding the drugs and your ex, but it could be worth having her tested. All they need to do is take a few strands of hair. My logic: if she is clean then she would not mind - if she is guilty then she would refuse. Up to Court then to make a decision.
Best of luck and there always appears to be some good pple to help you on here with professional advice and just to keep your mood up!! Staying positive helps alot!!
Take care
Hi raygeorge1985
It sounds as if things are getting sorted with contact.
Personally, I will never be able to get my head around a parent not able to make children their priority...
Look forward to getting to know you.
Hello raygeorge1985
You are very welcome here. What a lot you are going through and so scary to think of how that bloke might have been with your children.
Ok so let us look at what you can do....
Firstly, look at this Legal Aid calculator (click) to see if you will get it
Secondly, contact our Legal Expert (click) for some initial legal advice (free)
Thirdly, what about the debt situation? Have you been to the Citizen's Advice Bureau to help get sorted? We have a Money Expert (click) who can give you some advice too.
The house sounds very overcrowded! Hope that is something you can sort soon. Do you work fulltime?
Ooh sorry that sounds like such a LIST. We are here to help and support you and there is lots of online friendship here.