Hi
I am very nervious writing and admitting how I feel. I have been separated for 16 weeks now and moved out of the family home as life was very unhappy and felt nervous and uncomfortable around my ex and I never told anyone. Everyone thought we were the perfect couple and family.
My ex use to put me down in front of family and friends by telling my embarrasing stories or events about me. I had put on nearly 6 stones because I felt so unhappy. I worked full time and have 2 beautiful children who are my world. My ex worked away or worked from home but never helped me around the house or with the children. I felt like I was a servant in my own home. Trapped was how I felt. Our arguments were getting worse and he said if I wanted to leave I had to leave the kids and home. He was always controlling and never let me go anywhere on my own , even spoke for me at the doctors when I was suffering from depression. He use to hit his head in our arguments and scare me but never actually touch or hurt me physically. It was all mental abuse looking back now.
He would not move out of the family home so I made the decision to leave and move in with my parents. My parents have done everything to support me and the children.
My children have started their new school and settled in very well. I'm so proud of them. My ex is starting to use them mentally, which my solicitor is trying to deal with.
I can' t help feeling lonely. I have had to drop all my friends who lived near the family home as it is an hour away but they are friends with him. I do not know who I can trust. I do have 2 fantastic university friends who support me greatly.
Is there anyone going through a similar situation to me?
Lisa
Hi Lisa
Welcome to one space
I am not going through a similar thing to you but have been there in the past, it is hard and it is a lonely time but you will get through this, it is good that your children have settled well into their new school and it is good that you have 2 good friends to support you. Do you still work?
There are lots of lovely people on here who will give lots of great advice and support, it is usually quieter as the night goes on but they will always respond to you so please so keep posting.
xxx
Hi Lisa
You've just come out of a situation where you were emotionally abused and made to feel you were worthless, so of course your self-esteem has taken one hell of a knock. But in time you honestly will believe in yourself again - because you WILL prove yourself to be a strong person by the way you will bring up those precious children on your own. I'm really glad to hear you have the emotional and practical support of your parents - treasure them!! 7 - 8 years ago I came out of quite a similar emotionally abusive relationship with the conviction that I was the most worthless, unloveable excuse for a human that had ever crawled out from under a rock but I am a million miles away from that now and happy with the person that I am. One day you will be too - keep the faith. Fi x
Hi
I'm so glad you have the support of your parents here, and glad to know your children have settled well in their new school. Somehow, when the children are doing ok, it can help you as well.
I can be very hard to stop the other parent getting to you through the children, sadly. And sadly, it can be that they get pleasure from doing this as well.
Looking forward to getting to know you.
Hello Lisaf3600
Welcome to One Space! Here you have found a community of online support and friendship which can help you through this time.
As you can see by the replies you have already had, some of us have been in your situation and some haven't, but we do all understand. Well done for breaking the cycle and getting out of that relationship, and it is fantastic that your parents have been so supportive. I totally understand how isolated you feel, but when you think about it, that was part of his technique, to make sure that your friends were his friends and would ultimately take his "side".....although I have to say to you that people may not have thought things as perfect as you thought they did, when he put you down in public.
How old are your children?
2011 is a new year for you and a new opportunity to get yourself a better life. Start by having a look at The Freedom Programme. There may be a course near you or you may want to get hold of a copy of the handbook. In time you can think about working with a counsellor to repair your self esteem. How are you doing in practical terms? If you need help and support regarding your financial situation, do email our 1-2-1 Money Advice Service who will provide free and confidential information.
Keep on posting, we are all here for you 
Hi lisa. Welcome Well done for getting out of that relationship. It must have been extremely difficult for you, but you took a huge step, and did it. Really pleased that you have the support from your parents. As for friends,It is sad that you've lost them, but you will make new ones via the children's school etc. Glad that they have settled into their new school, that must have been a huge relief for you too.
Please keep in touch, and we'll all be here for you.
Take care
Thank you all for your comments.
I can't believe how quick people have replied.
It is great to know people do understand.
Lisa
Hello Louise,
My children are 5 and 9 years old.
Lisa
Hello tired mum,
Yes I still work full time. It is very exhausting as I travel 1 hour there and back as well as work a full day.
My full time job is 5 minutes from the matamonial home which I hate driving past.
Bad memories.
Lisa3600
Hi LisaF3600
Oh that must be horrid to drive past your former home. Could you think of a mantra (a little motto) which you bring into play as you approach the place? Something along the lines of "Lisa, I am so proud of you for leaving that place and starting your new life with your children"
Hi Lisa
Nice to hear from you sorry to hear what you are going through. Keep your chin up things will get better soon.
Hi Lisa
That must be difficult for you, good suggestion from Louise about turning it ito a positive.
You must be shattered with the driving and working full time, do you have lots of support with childcare? Do you get some time for you?
Hope you are ok today xxx
I some times look at the place I used to live with my wife, on google earth, I can see a swimming pool I helped build in the neighbours garden.
It makes me think about the good stuff as well as the bad stuff.
Hi LisaF3600
Welcome to One Space, HUGE pat on the back for you for having the courage and conviction to leave an unhealthy relationship, you might not realise it now, but have already faced one of the hardest challenges in this process and that was finding the courage to leave your ex.
It is great to read you have your parents support and it sounds as though your children are coping well, they must have disliked the atmosphere in your marital home without perhaps even knowing why. I hope that you will keep talking with them as they get older about acceptable behaviour and the reasons why you had to leave.
We have just published a new article about Making new friends, you may find this of interest and give you some ideas for adding some quality to life. You may think that you lean on your parents a lot for childcare etc, but it might be worth having a chat with them about you having an extra curricular activity to improve your health.
As someone said earlier, your ex will continue to harrass you through the children, I would highly recommend finding a Freedom Programme in your area, or even contacting Womens Aid, as although your ex wasn't violent, he was abusive and there are lots of useful resources that you can find out about. If you are a member of Facebook, there is an excellent group online called 'Stop women being forced to give abusive men access in court', where women are going through difficult court processes discuss their issues.
Life is going to be different now, your new journey is beginning, how are you feeling today? Can you see the positives?
hi ladies. is any one here from st albans.??? i really am in need of some adult company. single mum lonely and new to the area.
Hello joanne 2010, and welcome!
Have a look in the Local Information Section to see if there are people from your area. You could also have a read of our new article Making New Friends, which is packed with ideas to combat loneliness, and check out netmums, who may have meetups in your area.
There is alos lots of online friendship and support here, as I am sure you can see
Hi joanne2010
Hi joanne, welcome along.
Hi Lisa and Joanne welcome to the boards. Everyone is really friendly here Im sure youll find some support.
S x
hi any mums from st albans ? would b great to chat x
Hi joanne2010, welcome to one space, it is a really good site, lots of friendly people on here, I`m not from your area but sometimes its nice just to come on here to offload, you will receive lots of support and great advice xxx
Hi lisa. I know exactly what u mean about being nervous when writing your first post. I know from experience that its hard when a relationship end's when people looking in from the outside think everything was perfect. I was really unhappy in my relationship for a long time before we seperated for a number of reasons but because i'd never spoken up about it then people don't believe its true now. I'm glad u've found us here i don't say very much on here but everyone is friendly. Hope things start to feel a bit easier for you soon. Take care and keep posting. Zippy