Hi everyone,
As of approx. 3 weeks ago, I am a single parent when my husband decided our life wasn't enough for him and left us. I have 2 children who are my world. A son who is 3years and a little girl who is 9months.
Hoping to use these forums to gain advice on what I need to do etc. Having been looked after by my parents until I met my husband and then by him, I feel like I also have a bit of "growing up" to do, to some extent!
I'm very scared and of course, heartbroken and devastated, but I seem to have found an inner strength I didn't know I had and I am coping "ok".
Jxxx
I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation.
Do you have family and friends close by to support you?
This is a good site for support.
Hi all,
Im new to this and wanted to chat to parents who are newly single parents. I was with my partner for 5 years and we planned for our baby for over 3 years so we were both really happy when i found out i was pregnant in Januray this year. My partner started a new job working away in Holland afew months after finding out and little did i know he started seeing someone out there while working. He told me a week before moving house and me being 6 months pregnant that this isnt want he wants no more...
my world turned upside down and felt like i was losing my soul mate and best friend. I kept intouch with him till the baby was born, i guess hopin that he would change his mind and he was just scaried of the whole father thing. But little did i know he was still seeing this girl.
I still let him in to our babys life letting him see her at the birth and letting him help for the first two weeks (knowing what he was still doing) and now after just a few weeks old hes turned on me saying he will only see our baby when it suits him and when hes new gf comes over he wont be seeing the baby at all.
I feel iv been through hell and back, and hate him for ruining this special time with my 6 week old baby. Now i dont know if to go through the CSA for money? As he said he will pay his way only if im fexable in letting him see her when its suits him. Am i wrong in wanted him to see her on a regular basis or just let him see her when it suits him? I mean the baby doesnt understand now but i do want whats best for her but dont want to have to put myself through the whole CSA and courts?
Would love to be able to talk to parents who might be able to give me some advice. I feel very alone and dont know what do to for the best for her.
Gem
Hi gemma. Welcome along, and congratulations of the birth of your baby girl. Is your ex paying for the baby at the moment? If so, then maybe leave off going down the road of the CSA, until if/when he stops paying. As for the visits, unfortunately, we cannot make the fathers see the children, but if he's going to have contact, perhaps between the two of you, you can establish times, days etc. Again, maybe wait until the girl arrives here, and see how things go then with contact.
I'm sure one of the parenting specialists will offer you lots of advice on this though, so do please keep posting.
Hi gemma172002 and welcome to One Space and parenthood! 
Wow you have had a year of it, haven't you, lots of shocks and surprises! Congratulations on your baby girl, but I am sorry to read about the breakdown of your relationship.
As hazeleyes suggests above, if your ex is now paying CSA then it is fine to have a private agreement, if you believe it will be consistent, however remember this money is for your daughter not for you. So by contacting the CSA you are ensuring that your daughter gets what she deserves.
You talk about 'letting' your ex see your baby. I understand that this must have been very hard, but very admirable of you to see clearly and put aside your feelings. Your daughter has a right to know her dad.
Again as hazeleyes has said you can't force an absent parent to see their child as and when you wish. As the parent with care you can't take them to court to see their child either. The absent parent would be the one to take you to court if an agreement couldn't be made between you (although mediation is offered before this and can often sort out the issues, if there is no violence,danger to the child or drugs/alcohol involved). However if it does end up in court it means that the absent parent would have to agree to a regular commitment, so this could end up in your favour.
Do not be bullied by your ex, you know what is best for your baby and if you want consistency then you stick by your decision. For some parents who have separated, visitation as and when it suits the other parent works for them, however it sounds as though you would not be happy with this.
It sounds as if all of this is having an effect on your enjoyment of your newborn. When he is next due to see her? Perhaps you can put everything on a back burner for now and concentrate on being a new mum and all the joys (and sleepless nights) it has to offer.
You and your ex will come to a solution/conclusion eventually but it won't happen overnight. Right now I think the best thing you can do for your daughter is believe in yourself and your decisions and enjoy this very precious time.
Do you have family and friends surrounding you at this time?
Hello Gemma 172002
A quick hello from me too
I just want to add that a parent paying child support and the question of a parent having contact with a child are completely separate matters in law and if he decides to withold financial support because you won't just fall in with his requests, then it is time to involve the CSA as your daughter is entitled to support.
Stay with us, there is lots of friendly support here. How are you doing, coping with your lovely new daughter?
Hello CupcakeJoo, or may I call you CJ? Welcome to One Space.
What has happened is still very recent for you and there will be all sorts of emotions to go through as you come to terms with your separation.
Can I ask if you have sorted out the practical things: where you will live, have you had any legal advice? has their dad arranged to see the children?
There is loads of information on the site and lots of online support here for you, so keep posting and let us know how you are.