Hi, my self and my wife has agreed to split after 20yrs. No third party involved just not in love anymore. had past problems in the past with third party (not me, wife only twice). We have 2 children 7 and 12. we have decided to make the split as soon as xmas has come and gone, for the sake of the children.
I have agreed to pay for all the dept and the morgage from our marriage.
Is the wife entitled to any benifit as she wont be able to afford the monthly utillity bills and living costs. At the moment she earns £700 salary a month and recieves £130 familly allowance a month. Is there any
help!!!!!!!!!!!
It also helps to keep an accurate account of what you are paying for by keeping reciepts and a diary of events. I truly hope that you two can keep things civil for the childrens sake but there will be times of unrest between you both no matter how hard you try to remain calm. This sounds petty to do this but it's really to cover your back for any event.
Thank you for your possitive remarks and kind words. I know its going to be difficult. I dont know how i am going to face telling the children im leaving home. my youngest is seven and very much daddies girl. my eldest 12, going on 20, but still also daddies girl at heart.
Carn't seem to get in my head what to say and how to say it when we tell the children. We obviously shall shall be telling the children together.
Currently im looking for rented accomadation and plan to move after xmas.
Would it be wise to tell the girls now im leaving after christmas, or better left until after christmas.
I just dont know what to do. the wife is addement to leave until after christmas but the atmosphere in the house between us is already changing.
In a mess!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I do agree that you should wait till the moving out is imminent. otherwise it just prolongs the agony. As for the change is atmosphere, I know what you mean but this is part of the challenge you both now face.....to keep things civilised for the children is your new joint aim. You have taken the decision and you have a plan, and now you have to hold your nerve. Try to have some accommodation sorted before you tell them as one of the things they will want to know is where you will love.
As for telling them, do this together. Stress over and over that you both love them and this is not their fault, and that sometimes grownups stop loving each other. Stress that you are not going far, that you will still see them lots and lots, you just need to live in a different house from Mum. Ask them if they have any questions. Tell them they can come and talk to either of you about anything at any time.
Of course they will be sad and probably angry too. Hold on to the one thing that all research and experts agree on: that what affects children most is living with parental conflict, and if you stay, then this will inevitably happen.
Thanks Louise, It helps to know that someone cares.
I shall try to remain focused going forward.
Many thanks
Hi phil O, it sounds as though you are a thoroughly reasonable person and taking responsiblities seriously.
You might be interested in watching ParentchannelTV's video on Family Breakup, it is for children aged 9 - 14, but it gives some top tips.
Here is an article about what to say to the children, with dialogue, that you might find useful (American site).
If your children are recognising that things are uneasy in the house, I would take this into consideration as to when you tell them. Your children won't want to raise the issue, but it is best to be open and honest with them I think. They need time to talk it over with their friends and get used to the idea, whilst you are still around regularly so they can ask questions etc.
This is going to be tough for you, have you got supportive friends around you?
Hi Anna, Sorry for the delay, been trying to sort things out over the weekend.
have all ready watched the video and found it very usful.
shall look at the the other sujested site when i have another spare few minuets.
Been a reasonable weekend, tried to be a a family guy with intent to try and assure myself and wife that the disision we have made is the right one.
After lunch Sunday we chatted and our heads are mush. The wife in one breath wants to split but not in another. She finds it difficult to see the future with out me by her side as a partner, but then thinks we wont be able to make each other happy together. She finds it difficult to think of me with somone else. Too a degree i feel somewhat the same but have tried to assure her that them feeling would be natural. We both feel upset that our children may also at some point have another male figure come into there lives at some point should the wife meet someone else
Have been viewing different property options around the area. These all seem to be let already as soon as i phone. The area we live in is quite a sort after area and propertys move quickly. Feel as though i mis the boat each time. one property is available now but feel out of place chasing it at the moment with the position im in.
Just want to know is it rearly the end or what. Discussed possible councelling options but i think were clutching at straws. I think we may both be looking for option to not put the children through this at all. We both understand they will cope it eventually, its just going through with it.
Hi phil O
Have you heard of Couple Connection they have great information and resources to help you through difficult times in a relationship. I have just visited their site and it looks like they have just had a redesign, which is not all that great, but I promise you the info is good 
You might also be interested in the Relate website too.
You might just be at a sticky junction in your relationship, which is normal, however if you feel you are trying to stay together for the children, I don't believe this ever works.
It sounds as though you are able to communicate reasonably well together, so the children, although will be hurt, will still be able to get the best of both worlds.
Two happy parents is much better all round for the children, than two struggling parents. It can teach them the art of splitting up sensibly and also truth and honesty.
Hello phil 0
I am sorry to hear about what has been going on for you and your wife. The more you can work together to keep things civilised, the better for everyone, especially the children
Your wife should be entitled to working tax credit (as long as she works 16 hours a week or more)and child tax credit. We have a money specialist on the board, get her to register here and then on the home page there is an Ask the Expert section, click on the Money one and there is a form for her to fill in which goes off to the adviser in cofidence and they will tell her how much. Here is a link to the form, but she needs to ask them herself.
Once you have moved out, get her to tell the council there is only one adult in the house and the council tax bill will be discounted by 25% as well.
Hope this helps