Hi, im not entirely sure how I came across this website, but im glad I did!
Basically the situation is as follows.....
Im 24 years old, and a single parent of a 2 year old girl and a 5 year old boy.
I split with my ex about 2 years ago and it's been hell with him ever since, he hasn't , made it easy for us or accepted responsibilty for the children reguarding seeing them or paying for them, which is constantly stressing me out especially seeing as my little boy recently asked me if it was his fault that his dad is not bothering with him! So theres that still hanging in the balance...
So ive met a new guy and alarm bells are ringing already (its been 4 months) and in that time weve had a few arguments, hes dissappeared whenever he feels like it and now he is pressurising me to move him into my house as hes getting kicked out of his house on friday.... I know i should cut my losses but I always feel like its better to have some one around rather than being on my own, I dont feel very confident about myself and was prescribed antidepressants last year, which i took myself off. So i dont know if im just sticking with him because im vulnerable or because its a good thing......?!
Also I moved to a town where the only support is my mum, who also last year got diagnosed with a brain tumour and the prognosis is only a year, although she is doing well, its just so draining with all these emotions, thoughts and feelings bouncing around in my head. I feel constantly stressed out, and thinking should i leave my whole life here with my children and moving back to the town i moved away from where I have lots of friends, family and support.....?
You all sound so lovely on here it'd be great to have a little bit of advice, Thanks xxxxxx
Hello AntoniaS (and hello to Rosycheeks32 too!)
First of all welcome along to your new online port of call, with lots of friendly advice and support!
As I see it there are four areas where you are needing some support right now, so I will deal with them as a 1.2.3,4 ok? (ooh I love lists!)
1. Your children's dad. You cannot force him to have consistent parenting time, What you can do is to be assertive with him, perhaps write a letter saying that it upsets the children when there is no consistency and asking him to make a commitment to set times, and in the letter suggest what these might be but say you are happy to negotiate and will go with him toe Mediation if the two of you cannot agree, Keep a dated copy of the letter and indeed any letters/emails/texts you may send him. This is so you have a record of what went on, if there is a dispute in the future involving solicitors etc. If he is not paying Child Support then please get in touch with the Child Support Agency. Ooh, and lots of reassurance to your boy that you love him and you aren't going anywhere.....this is especially important in view of the fact that he will be experiencing the loss of Grandma in the near future.
2. Secondly the new boyfriend. I think you know what I am going to say here. Even if he was Mr Perfect then four months is far too soon for him to be moving in with you, especially in view of how it would affect the children, who are already feeling insecure with their dad's behaviour.....not to mention how it may affect things moneywise. And from what you say, he is not Mr Perfect by a long chalk.
3. There is a massive connection here between your confidence levels and your feelings about relationships. You say that you don't feel confident enough to be on your own but being in a relationship with someone who does not treat you well enough will carry on undermining your confidence. Have a chat with your GP and explain that you are no longer taking the anti depressants and that you would like to be referred for counselling, where you can talk through this issue and understand your feelings.
4. I do think that in the medium term a move back to where you have lots of support could be a very beneficial thing. However, if this is the last year of your mum's life, is it better for you (and her) if you stay here just for the moment? If you moved away would it be hard to spend time with her as she becomes more ill, and to travel back and forth etc? Practical considerations in an emotional situation. And I have to say how sorry I am to hear that your Mum is ill. My experience tells me that one of the things that is important right now is to say everything to your Mum you want to say, and ask her anything you want to ask. The nature of her illness, sadly, means that the Mum you know could slip away long before her actual death, sorry if that is upsetting but I would hate for you to think "If only I had known that" later on down the line. This is something else you can work on with the counsellor.
Hope that has all given you somew food for thought, even if you don't agree with my comments, sometimes they can trigger off other ideas you may have.
We are always here, and not just for problems, we have a real laugh too, so stay here and join us, we would love that!
Hi AntoniaS, welcome to One Space from me too!
You have already had some great responses. I just wanted to add and reinforce that you must listen and trust in yourself in regards to letting the boyfriend move in.
Many years ago, I was in a similar position, I didn't see any warning signs, but he did pressure me to move in and even though I was unsure at the time, I covered it up by telling myself it would be wonderful.......It took a long time to get him out, especially as he had nowhere else to go. Please stick to your guns and say No, you need someone that can stand on their own two feet. You have enough on your plate.
You do not need to explain yourself other than it is not a good time and just keep repeating that when he asks.
Come back and let us know how you are. Do you have any friends where you are? Other school mums or at a playgroup?
Hi AnotniaS
Great to see you here.
Someone told me that it takes two years for the rose tinted spectacles of love to clear...
Listen to your heart, and has been said, don't let him move in. I did meet someone, and to be honest, it would have been so easy to have rushed on with things. It fizzled out after a couple of years.
Looking forward to getting to know you. :-)
Hello AntoniaS and Rosycheeks32 welcome to One Space from me too 
Hi Antonia,
I too am new to this site, just tonight in fact. We all must have came across this site for a reason and to look for support with others in our situation.
First of all I'm sorry your ex doesn't seem interested in your kids, its heartbreaking when thats the case and there is nothing you can do about it. All you can do is be there for them as they are the main priority in your life.
As for the 'new guy' .......getting kicked out of his house and wants to move in with you. Well you said it yourself in your post, alarm bells are ringing.....please dont move him in because you feel its better to just have 'somebody' thats the worst thing to do hun.
If you feel its better to move back to where you have the support of friends and family then thats a great idea. Everyone needs that. Maybe thats why we are all on this site too.
I probably didnt give you much advice lol. But I understand and you are not alone. xxx