Hi everyone; ive just become single after 16 yrs of being in a relationship ...I have 2 kids aged 9 /girl & 11/boy.I am finding this very difficult to cope with as he just walked out after one arguement without a real explanation at the time ...this happened last wk so things are still very upsetting for me & the kids .Im scared of the future & just need friendly advice on how to cope with this .
Hi ; He just said he was unhappy & had to go;I feel like ive lost my best friend aswell...i still dont understand why he had to go the way he did ..we were having problems over the last yr but i thought we were ok ..obviously he thought differently. The kids are ok ..but my son has become very withrawn hes a quite boy anyway & wont show his feelings that much ..My ex has been to visit them ..but they cry when he goes & its left up to me to calm them down.Im also facing loosing the home as we rented together but i only work 25hrs a wk; ive just filled out the form for housing benefit but because i work im not sure i will get it.Ive also applied for working tax & child tax credit.I just feel like my whole safe world has been thrown up in the air.
Hello chrocks
What an awful shock for you, your head must be all over the place.
You have done the right thing in applying for working tax credit and child tax credit. You should get SOME housing benefit but you will have to find some of the rent yourelf. The good news is that the other two benefits mentioned should add up to a decent weekly total. The children's father is also legally obliged to provide some financial support for them. Ask him about this and if he is obstructive you can apply through the CSA, see here for your options.
Am I right in thinking that you are not married?
As far as the children are concerned, whilst it is better for them to have a relationship with both parents, I wonder if a "cooling-off" period might help? ie he does not see them for a couple of weeks, as they might get a bit more used to the new set-up. Do give your children a lot of reassurance about how much you love them and that YOU are not going to leave as well. Contact their schools to let them know what is going on, their schoolwork could be affected and also they might have a "listener" or counselling service in place to help. Relate also offer a counselling service to young people aged 10+ whose parents have separated.
Are there any other family members who can help support you and the children? emotionally as well as practically?
I know I have given you a lot to think about and investigate but it is important not to let things drift too much because it is then that money and housing problems start.
There is lots of support and friendship on here for you 
Hi Chrocks,
I agree with what Louise is sayin, and the cooling off period is a good thing! my parents went thru a devorce when i was 14/15 (pretty much GCSE age!) and even tho my dad was/is a distant person (wasn't full on dad, he was just there in the room so to say!) it still helped me to not see him for a bit and then we work out ways I could form some sort of relationship back up with him. So after about a month he phoned me and asked if i wanted to go to a cafe for a drink, then worked on goin round the shops for an hr, then eventually went up to his for the day and worked at it like that!
it really helped me out :) hope that you get things goin again for your self and your children stay strong xx
Hi chrocks, as Halzeleyes says, it is early days and of course your emotions are all over the place.
First things first, recognise you are not a failure. Nobody is perfect. Also that you are not alone. One in four parents are raising their children alone.
It sounds as though you are being very pro active with sorting out benefits etc, if you need any further help with money, debt or CSA issues, do contact our 1-2-1 confidential email advice service, who have over 30 years of supporting single parents with these sorts of issues.
I wonder if you can arrange a family treat for you and your children? a weekend away, a day trip to a local wildlife park, or perhaps just a BBQ in the garden where everyone gets involved? Do something nice for yourselves, you all deserve a treat by sounds of things.
Is that something you could do?
Hi chrocks. Welcome along to One Space. Understandably you're still in shock, and when there is no explanation given, I'm sure your mind is in turmoil. Have you been able to speak to him since he left? How are the children handling things? Please keep posting as others will be along at some point during the day or evening, and you'll get lots of support and advice here. Hang tight, it is still very very early days. xx