hi im jayne
ive recently spilt with my husband after he went off with a 23 year old, hes on about moving in with her in spain of all places and wants to take my children out there to visit.
im findin the whole situation very stressful and quite hard to deal with
Hello Jayne.
I'm Mary, one of the moderators. I'm not surprised you're finding the whole situation hard to deal with. It sounds like a big ask from your ex to want the children to want to travel as far away as Spain without you.
hazeleyes offered some sound advice there - it is still early days and taking things slow and steady is probably the best way to deal with things.
Hello jayner
A big welcome from me too!
I know your head will be in a whirl about what is happening, so please talk to us about how you are feeling as the support can really help. It is really important that you get some legal advice, especially about the situation with the children. We have a Legal Expert on the boards and you can contact her by clicking here. Let us know how you get on.
How old are your children?
hi, the children are 10 and 3, my 10 year old has downs sydrome. i dont want them to go as its too far away and there is no support network in place there.
my ex is goin out there to dj so i dont know how he thinks he can look after 2 small children as well x
thank you, just stuggling a bit with the whole situation x
thank you, just stuggling a bit with the whole situation x
hi
the children are 10 and 3, ive spoken to the legal expert and she said they were too young to go over there and if he wanted to see them then he should come here. then review the situation in 6 months.
i feel happier knowing he cant just take them or demand them to be sent over there
x
hi
the children are 10 and 3, ive spoken to the legal expert and she said they were too young to go over there and if he wanted to see them then he should come here. then review the situation in 6 months.
i feel happier knowing he cant just take them or demand them to be sent over there
x
Glad to know you're feeling happier, jayner. Also pleased that you found our Legal Expert's advice helpful. It sounds like knowing where you stand legally has made a difference.
i must admitt i do feel alot better knowing where i stand legally, and knowing that he cant just take my boys away.
he the one done wrong not me
Hello again jayner
I am glad you are feeling better on that score....Now more practicalities, what has been sorted about the house and about money? I know you might not be wanting to look at the practical things because of the emotions you are dealing with but it is better to face and sort these things sooner rather than later
hi louise
the house is a council house and its in my name, so thats not a problem all his stuff has gone and locks changed, goin to the council today to try and sort out benifits ect as i only work part time but not sure if i can continue to work, due to paying child care costs.
he hasnt offered to pay any money towards the children at all as hes saving up to go to spain so i need to deal with that. but he has managed to find the money to pay for a flight to spain for the weekend next weekend,so not only is he not paying for children he goin away from them again. when he goes to spain it will only be cash in hand work he does so even goin though the proper authoritys will be a nitemare.
then this afternoon im goin to see a solicitor to sort out childcare arrangments so ive got something set in stone, we always said if anything happened between us that the boys wouldnt suffer, but its happening already and we have only been spilt up a month.
is there anything else i should b doing ???
Hi jayner, you are doing fantastically well! 
Glad you are sorting out benefits. If you work 16 hours a week or more them you should be able to claim Working Tax Credit and have a large percentage of your childcare costs paid as part of the deal. See how you get on this afternoon and if you have any queries after that then do get in touch with our Money Expert
It feels like once you have all the "arrangements" in place you can start to process the emotions of what has happened. How have the children been with everything?
hi louise
went to council offices today to sort out housing benifit ect and that looks a lot better and i feel a lot better now im not so worried about money and keepin a roof over our heads.
this afternoon i went the solictors and i dont quailfty for legal aid but the soclictor did give me some free advice.
ive been sortin out contact though a third party the soclitor told me that my ex has to come to me and sort out contact with me, which he hasnt been willing to do. so after this weekend as its arranged he will have to ring me up like an adult and speak to me about contact arrangments. ive thought as he works mon - fri from 8 till 7.30pm that he could have contact with the boys either on a sat or sun for the day.
i still not sure want to do about contact from spain but the soclitor said for a least the first 6 months he should be makin the effort to come over to the uk to see his boys rather then me sending them over there. then review the situation in 6 months.
i dont know what to do or suggest, can anyone help me please ?
Hello jayner, you have done so well today and the more info you get the more you will feel empowered 
The solicitor has given you some good information. Your youngest is still really small and your eldest has special needs. Both these factors must be paramount when contact is arranged. It may be that they will visit him in Spain in the future (when they get older) but of course that means either he comes back to collect them or you have to go to Spain as well. My own instinct as a parent would be to say that in view of the factors I mentioned above, it feels important that the children stay where they are for the immediate future and it should be for him to come and visit. If you both have computers, you can download Skype for free and then he can talk to the children with a webcam as well.
By the way, as part of any divorce proceedings you will be asked to submit the arrangements for the children. Are you going to leave the ball in his court at the moment? What have you said to the children about their dad going?
You've done well today 
thank you x
i think for the moment im goin to let him come to me regarding the boys and if he is be reasonable about when and where he whats them then he can see them. as for goin to spain he will have to get use to the fact they wont be going for a while yet.
im not sure what to tell the boys as they are so young and they dont understand
Yes, it is difficult for you to know what to tell the boys. Perhaps you need just to say he is "busy at work" for the time being...and see if the Spain thing really does happen and maybe then would be time to be more assertive about it and say that he is moving away with his work.
Hi jayne. Welcome along. I'm sorry to hear about your recent seperation. It's very early days, so for now take little steps, you have an awful lot to get your head around. You will do it though. How old are the children? How are you feeling about their visit to Spain, if it comes off?
Please keep posting as others will be along. It seems very quiet on here today, but it will pick up later. I look forward to getting to know you.