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Hi ya again
When I try and speak to my eldest son on the phone this is what i get:
“What do you want (me how would you like a XYZ or whatever i say it makes no difference)
The reply is F OFF or okay then now F OFF
his mother is doing nothing to discipline him and now the 15 year old won’t even speak to me.
Our children were brought up to respect people etc. and since moving out all i am getting is the abuse.
What can i do? She has really poisoned them against me.
That sounds awful. I agree with hazeleyes that there could be a multitude of reasons why he is acting up and the fact his family has been seperated and siblings in care etc will be having an impact on him too. He may also be trying to test you to see if you will stick around.
The letter idea sounds like a good option and you could him what the reasons are that he is angry with you, but be prepared to listen and acknowledge all his feelings without trying to tell him how bad it is for you. He may just want to vent his anger/frustration somewhere and at this point it is at you. Whatever he says continue to tell him you love him and are there for him no matter what and perhaps when his feelings calm down he will be more respectful towards you.
Have to say my son went off the rails somewhat at 15. He's 20 now, and although he is respectful towards, his attitude can also stink.
My word of the day, I'm afraid... Stay calm when you talk with him, but don't put up with the language. I used to put the phone down on son or walk out the room (rare event, to be fair) and that side of his anger did subside.
As littleangel says though, perhaps him being able to express anger with you is a good thing. My lot are too afraid to show their feelings to their father.
I'm sorry things are so hard.
Sorry I can't help with advice.
How hurtful, Pash. I agree with sparkling that 15 is the very worst age of all for boys. However, that's no excuse! The letter is a good idea but make sure you say positive things in it like you love him and want the two of you to have a respectful relationship, that you are doing your best to improve things for the future, DON'T say "you are very rude and I am sick of it, what on earth is your mother playing at?" even though that might be what you think.
ok
I recently heard a great idea
It is normal for our children to feel angry and frustrated with us, from a small age to adulthood, however we often quash their anger as it comes across as rude or uncontrollable.
However remembering that it is a natural and healthy emotion, this woman used to say to her kids 'you can say that you hate me 3 times, but then you have to do as your are told' (ie putting on your shoes etc)
Why do you think your son is angry?
That is a good question to which i can only pressume that the ex is feeding the children rubbish information and he has rule of the house and gives out the orders.
Bad dad he never did anything for us this i heard is comenly said.
who bought them everything they have and wanted
Maybe putting up with the arguing and her drinking all the time i know last time she moved out the two eldest stayed with me out of choice and i found a note on the pc saying "forget them two you have us now" or words to that effect, other than this i dont know he was totaly against living on a council estate last time.
Is there any way i can send someone the core assessment and my reply to that to see if anyone can make any sence of it?
Please
Hi Pash02, you might get someone with more experience of this on a site that deals with families that have Social Services involvement, such as the Family Rights Group. I know they have discussion boards too. We are funded to support single parents who have the majority day to day care of the children and so our service (and knowledge) is very much around that. It sounds as if you need something more specialist wih this one.
Thanks
Sorry he is acting like this toward you Pash. I have to say though, it might not be her that is poisoning him against you, it could just be because he is angry at you, for all sorts of reasons, you leaving, his age, not really understanding why you and his mum split up. Could you maybe write to him, and see if he responds. Don't give up on him though, despite the reaction you get from him.