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Background info: I got a resident order in July (I am mother to one girl age 7), dad got a contact order to see daughter 11am to 5pm three Saturdays out of four. When daughter came home yesterday she tells me that her dad will be collecting her on a Friday and dropping her home on a Sunday evening in future - when he gets a one bed flat!! He currently shares a single occupancy room with a young woman who he says is just a friend!! The mind boggles. Not only that but he currently lives about 10 minutes car drive away, but he will be moving to a town about 2 and a half to three hours car drive away. I drive a car - he doesn't (he is not licensed and has never had car driving lessons). The court order does have a clause regarding overnight stay as agreed between the parties, which up to now has not happened - as why would it - he lives in a single occupancy room with another woman and they are 10 minutes away. I think he thinks overnight stay means two nights but it doesn't - my legal executive said it was for the odd occasion when he took her somewhere and came home late and so put her up for the night and took her back to me in the morning.
I have sent an email to the legal adviser- but while I wait for a reply, I was wondering if anyone in the same situation could tell me their story please? Is it against the law to have dad and 7 year old daughter in a one bed flat? Thanks.
Hi englishrose, i would have suggested our Legal Expert but you have already contacted them, i don't think that there is a law regarding him being able to share a room with your daughter, i know that housing authorities keep changing there guidelines about ages and sharing, you could contact Shelter (click for link) to see if they know anything.
thank you GEM and Sally.
Your welcome englishrose, have you found out anything that is helpful to you?
I had a look at the shelter website, it seems that as an only child under ten years old she will not require her own bedroom 
So annoying! She has told me that she does not want to stay with her dad all weekend, she only wants to see him on Saturday's, I doubt she will tell this to her dad out of fear. It will be up to me to put a convincing case to court.
Hi englishrose you need to have a conversation with her dad first of all to say that he cannot automatically expect this and it is too much of a jump from what she is used to. Do you think this might be better done in a letter?
Well I don't want him to have her overnight at all but as this will make him angry I'm waiting for him to ask me before I tell him this. I will do this in a letter as you have suggested, thank you. It might take months for him to get a flat - (he has to bid for a council flat). I would prefer him to visit her here in her own town and take her out for the day, then bring her back to me. (Daughter has said to me she only wants to see him on Saturday's - no overnights.) Daughter has bad health, he simply doesn't remember or want to do all the things she needs that are in her best interests. (She has eczema, asthma and food allergies, so she needs regular skin care, a strict diet and avoidance of his cigarette smoke. He does not do any of these). In court the judge granted a 6 hour contact so that dad and daughter were able to have opportunities to do more interesting things such as the cinema, museums etc (guess what - they spend most of the 6 hours watching DVDs and playing Xbox in his cramped room where he smokes. They go out to do his food shopping sometimes.) I provide a packed lunch for daughter, so I know he won't accidentally give her something she is allergic to. However yesterday for example I noticed she had not eaten much lunch and she just said I wasn't hungry. When she didn't eat her tea I asked if she was ok and she said yes dad had taken her to a restaurant (!) she had eaten well. This is really unusual as he has not taken her out to eat for at least a year or maybe two. (He *forgets* that the restaurant cook sausages in the same frying pan as egg and this is enough to give her a reaction - I know the place that he took her cooks this way as I have asked them myself and then told him not to take her there) 
. Then surprise surprise she had a bad flare up at bedtime as a reaction to what she had eaten. Yes I will tell him next time I see him, but I know he will *forget* again or ignore me and say it was not his fault. He is a difficult man and this is getting me all worked up just thinking about having to say overnights are not a good idea, as he won't understand why because he thinks he is perfect and doesn't make mistakes (he has a personality disorder). He *will not* listen to any instruction or advice about her health, but in the past my concerns have been ignored by judges who have said "well he has parental responsibility so he will have to meet the medical requirements".
How is your daughter today englishrose, i hope she has got over her flare up? It does sound ridiculous that he ignores her health problems, i'm not sure that there is much that you can do though, have you spoken to your solicitor to see if they have got any suggestions?
I would suggest that you document all this english rose as it sounds to me as if it may well end up in court again (sorry) Get some A4 paper and head it up with a bad effect on the child, such as "Daughter is poorly after dad not respecting her food allergies" and briely list what has happened, with dates. Another page could be "eczema flared up after cream repeatedly not put on" and again list instances and dates.
It sounds very cold-blooded to start such a dossier but if this eventually becomes a CAFCASS matter then you need to show why you believe it would be detrimental to your daughter to stay for the weekend (the court assumes it is almost always in a child's best interests to spend a good amount of time with both parents)
Then, as Sally says, you need to see a solicitor in due course
Hi Sally, daughter's skin is still sore today it will take a few days to settle. I don't currently have a solicitor - they closed their file after the last court hearing. I will do my evidence gathering first as Louise suggests.
Thank you Louise. I will make a start on the dossier before I go to bed. 
Hi englishrose
I don't know anything about that situation I'm afraid but I do have an ex who often says things to the children before he discusses them with me. Presumeably because you have the order, if anything were to change he would have to go back to court and get it altered? It's horrible when you hear things secondhand like this, I know how it can make you anxious.
I doubt it would be against the law for him to have her in a one bedroom flat. One of them could always sleep in the lounge? Or do you mean a studio apartment? Even so, I think it would be okay as she is under 10. You could check with Shelter about what constitues overcrowding. Of course, it might not be in her best interests to be in such close quarters with him, but that's a different issue.
It's really worrying how far away he is moving!! It's obviously completely impractical for her to have to travel five hours in a day to see him for a couple of hours. I suppose that's why he's wanting overnight stays? It sounds like as his situation is drastically changing you might need to renegotiate things?
I really feel for you this is such a horrid situation for you. You will get lots of good advice on here from others more in the know.
Love Gem
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