Hi
I'm mum to an 8 yr old daughter, the love of my life. Conception unusual- non-consensual, I have no idea where the "father" is now. I will never lie to my daughter but am really struggling at how I can answer those awkward questions that have started to come up. I feel that she is too young to know yet but she is starting to ask questions about how babies are conceived. She recently told her friend that she "doesn't know her dad but he's not very nice and if she wants to find him she'll probably google it"... it breaks my heart to think of her being hurt. She knows nothing, I told her we didn'y stay together (this was a 1 night thing and was non-consensual) she is desparate to know something, she has asked me just to tell her what his name is, I just don't know what to do. I have thought about being matter of fact, ie, "when 2 people have a baby they (something very simplistic) but in our situation the seed plante/whatever did not ask permission so I had a baby who I love very much but our family is different because dad is not around/does not know she exists. I would prefer she has a good impression of him rather than think her dad is a monster but I don't want her to think he's worth trying to contact. She is the most fantastic, beautiful, intelligent little girl on earth and I can't bear to hurt her. It's been suggested that I lie- I can't do that. I want to be as honest as possible (to suit what is appropriate for her age) but keep her as balanced, content, secure as possible.... Any advice is wwelcome and sorry if this is a bot rambling....
Hi M12 and welcome from me 
Can I ask how old your daughter is? You mention that she told a friend that he is not very nice...do you know where she has picked this up from?
Good morning M12
We have an article about talking to your child about an absent parent, which will give you some general thoughts on this topic. Click here to see it
However, this really is a specialised situation. You can explain that a lady and a man have a special cuddle when they have a baby. I would get a book as well, perhaps something like this one? (click) It's a basic baby book I think, but you may prefer to actually go to a bookshop and look through all the pages to make sure you are happy with every bit of it. Then you can say but your daddy was not ready to be a daddy, he was busy with work and went away but aren't I lucky cos i got you all to myself? and I love you so much. Think about other families you may know that are not two adult, two children and talk about them. Stress that the important thing is that people who are in a family love each other and look after each other. If she says but WHY wasn't my daddy ready? WHY did he go, you will just have to say I don't know, sweetheart, it is sad but there it is. Now let's.....(and offer a distraction such as a game or a tv programme)
There is no easy answer to this one. As for her contacting him when she is older, not only is that a long way off but she will be old enough then for you to be more open with her.