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Today, my child and i were in the home of a nuclear family, and i felt too overwhelmed, words cant describe. What i so desperately want, was staring me in the face ... but wasn't mine to have.
Tonight, we have come home to an empty house, full of stresses and worries, which all lay on my head and my head alone.
Im generally feeling miserable, angry and low and was hoping for a chat :)
Hey Pink lilly and Hopeful,
I went to visit a male friend this morning and my daughter who has never been able to know her father was trying to match make us!. We then visited another friend, who commented when she was in the toilet (It's heart-breaking how much she wants a dad!-she's nearly 7).
Her dad is a shister, who used and took advantage of me during one of the most vulnerable points of my life. He applied for access through the court when she was 3. Despite it going against everything I believe in I knew I had to investigate his ability to be a 'safe' dad. His solicitor voluntarily forwarded our case to a Cafcass friendly court (very telling I felt!). My own solicitor asked me at one point "why are you so upset at the thought of him having contact"?. My response?...."it was me he used, why should she pay the price?". As much I would have loved a 'mum, dad, beautiful child and happy ever after' this was not going to happen. I didn't know this man's history as everything he had told me had been a lie. The Cafcass report revealed he had a criminal past dating back to the year of my birth mainly for aggressive acts.
As much as I feel relieved I acted on instinct to protect my daughter. It is bittersweet as I will never be able to give her what she wants. Or what I want to be fair xxx
I agree, it can bring us up short sometimes, more regarding the worry of what our children may be missing. In fact, I felt very guilty for a long time that I had not picked a better dad for my children and that I had let them down by not doing so.
The other side of the coin is that very rarely are things as they seem, we get a snapshot of seemingly the perfect family and it is a false picture. Thinking of those within my circle who have the nuclear family set up (not many!!!) there is NOT ONE whom I envy. I know those who hate their partner and dare not leave, those who have settled for second best and think they have to behave in a certain way as a result and those who think all is tickety boo but I can see as an outsider that the cracks are being papered over with alcohol or a hectic social life or even by fear of what the neighbours might say.
That is not to say all relationships are bad! but it's important NOT to settle for an unhealthy one as preferable to none at all. Pink lily I do believe that there is every chance you will meet someone really nice that you will be happy with and will be a good stepdad to your boy and he will really benefit from that but he can still have a brilliant life with you. If you want to compare your boy's situation with others then don't forget you must also compare it with those at the other end of the scale, children living in deprivation, children who are abused etc and know that your boy is fortunate not to have those things either!!!
The problem for me is, of course, that neither my late husband nor I had a say in this. My first husband was abusive and I made that decision and I stand by it being the right thing to do. But my second husband was great, and I do sometimes feel cheated out of that chance to get things right. Especially No3 son still suffers from his death.
Yes, I acknowledge that...and there are many circumstances in which we feel we have no choice, which makes it harder for all concerned 
nuclear families?
i just hate peppa pig!!!
unfortunately my two little ones love it
'daddy pig, mummy pig, peppa and george' yuck!!!
Aw, pink lilly, I think I know what you mean.
On the plus side, we don't have to ask anyone before we decide stuff, and we can do what we like, but then there is a lack of companionship and shared responsibility.
Big hug to you! xxx