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Hi, I've just registered on one space and just wanted to introduce myself but also wondered if anyone has a similar situation as I feel alone at times dealing with this. I have two sons aged 10 and 8. Their Dad and I have seperated for nearly two years but he is still living in my flat. When I said I didn't want a physical relationship he flipped from being a fairly reasonable person - although a controlling passive aggressive kind of person - to a nasty, bitter, angry verbally abusive character. When he left at Christmas for a 3wk holiday in the US leaving me to work a 50 hour week, look after the kids and sort out childcare
You called this Occupation Order....what was the Occupation Order may I ask ?
Hi Smiling mum, absolutely agree with Skyflower, get some legal advice and get him out, it sounds like you are doing all the work and then having to deal with an abusive ex on a daily basis. If you get no luck form the CAB you can try our legal expert here on OneSpace .
You are not alone in going through this experience. Just have a read through the forum and you'll find lots of similar stories.
Hang on in there, and tell us more about what you are going through, Is the house in joint ownership or are you renting? And especially, what are his plans about the situation?
Keep us posted!
Hi Skyflower and Sergiozed and anyone else out there,
Sorry I had to cut short my post and accidently sent it out when I thought I'd saved it. Theres more to this account.
Anyway....while he was in the states I went to see a Solicitor and she advised me to either change the locks on the doors or apply for an occupation order to get him out. As the flat is in my name and I bought it on my own and to avoid court I decided to change the locks this I did and for a 7weeks it was wonderful not to have him around. Unfortunately he applied to the court for an occupation order and got back in (given six months to stay) as the Judge said, 'well although there has been verbal abuse he didn't hit you and you have been in a relationship for 14 years so I can't make this man homeless'. (No thought for the kids and how they feel) I had told my Ex 9months before our relationship was over he could have tried to find alternative accommodation but hasn't. At the time I applied for a cross application non molestation and occ order, this has led us to attend court 7 times but I'm not getting anything achieved. Its been further complicated as the J.P's suggested we go to mediation (which was pointless and expensive, he ended up kicking off and being verbally abusive). He was also advised to apply for TOLATA and go to court to prove his equitable interest which he hasn't done. He refuses to work and not making an effort to find anywhere to live. He has made it clear he wants the flat sold and so he can get 50%. I've offered him some money that I'm borrowing but he laughed at it. He isn't entitled to 50% anyway possibly 14,000. He wants the money but not considering where the boys or I will live. The next court hearing and final hearing for the OCC order and non mol is November the 14th. Its taken ages because the courts are so busy probably because like myself I have no money for a solicitor so I'm having to represent myself so its a really difficult, slow process. I feel that my friends must be so tired of me talking about it so after a while I don't say much but its constantly frustrating me and so hard to live with this man who I really believe had a personality disorder and has a history of drug abuse. I'm sure he was taking cocaine last night (by his behaviour) I keep going around in circles going to groups for support but there is a limit to what they can offer. My ex's paranoid behaviour isn't enough for me to do anything about it. I'm just reaching out wondering if theres any similar situations out there. I'm also interested if there are any support groups in London so I can meet other people who understand what I'm going through or just for a chat and to meet other one parent families. Sorry if what I've written is garbled just getting down the basics very quickley before he comes back. Thanks for reading this.
What an unhealthy situation, to be in, for your children as well....on the left of this page there is just under discussions : Ask the experts and there is a solicitor you can ask your rights in this, free of charge but it may take some time for a response as they are very busy....also the Citizen's advice bureau has usually solicitors you can make an advisors appointment with, and they can steer you also in the ddirection you need to go into....there are McKenzie friends that will help you with your case, they help with case papers, take notes and provide moral support...(courtwithoutalaywer.co.uk ). this might be mainly for family proceedings but they might be able to advise you on the practical things as well...They show the pricing as well on their web site, which is so much cheaper than a solicitor.
I so hope you will get through this a bit quicker then it has been so far. It must be so exhausting, I will keep my fingers crossed that you can get some support in this.
Hello smiling mum
Well done for coping in this stressful situation and I agree with the others but just wanted to provide some links for you.
You can find out about Mackenzie friends by clicking here
Have a look for London groups in our Local Info section by clicking here.
Thanks so much for responding so quickley. it is very exhausting and disheartening but what keeps me going is to know one day soon he will be gone. I can never give up hoping.
I will look at the Mackenzie friends link and local groups. Thanks again. Have a good day.
I really hope we could be of help, everyone on this website is always so supportive,
please let us know how you are doing and how you are getting on with the links.....is the Gp able to help you with this ? If he is using drugs when there are children, you might be able to get support that way and get help to get him out ?
I did mention it to the GP on friday but she never commented on it directly. I need to find out what I can do about it although I didn't see him take cocaine he has the behaviour, facial expression ect.
Do think about contacting our legal expert. Please see the link that sergiozed has provided above.
Good morning smiling mum, I am thinking that at any point that you feel unsafe in your home or you fear that the children are unsafe, please call the Police. It seems so wrong that you are applying for the non mol but he is allowed to remain under your roof.
When you go back to court I am wondering whether you can share what the definition of Domestic Abuse is and how your ex fulfills the Mental and Emotional category?
Hi smiling mum,
You have gone through such a difficult time and still are....Is it possible for you to go to your nearest Citizen's Advice Bureau to see what your rights are, as it must be so very difficult to have him still living there with you and you being seperated...
He needs to leave so you can get your life back without him controlling you. What about phoning Women's Aid and see what the best solutions are for your situation and for the children, as this is not healthy for the children. How is he with the children ? Is he a nice father to them ?