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i think my partner will soon get overnight contact with my two little ones.(4yr and 1 and a half) im really worried about this. at the moment contacts continuing at a centre then its going to be gradually in community and back at his. i think in a few months when we in court again , hel get overnight.
im dreading it for their sake (upheaval, change, away from me, out of routine, away from home, disrupt their behaviour) and also my sake (means il be alone for those nights!! and be worried about them )
anyone been in similiar position? me and him have history of abuse, mainly emotional, psychological, hes very manipulative and the more contact he has with them, the more control he may have over my feelings
hi chocolate i doubt he wil get overnight contact hun especially that ur children are little, av they bin away from mummy bfore, how long as ur ex bin seein them at a contact centre, i was in emotion aly abusive relationship, my ex so fra isnt allowed contact , we av little girl 2half, we are in midle court procedings, ad 3 hearings, my ex tho as violent criminal record, he was violent to me and abusive to my 2 other kids tht arnt his, i dread if ex gets contact in centre cos it does move on to unsupervised, dreadin it, hope ur ok hun, cud u voice ur concerns to cafcass or social x
What was the reason for him seeing the children at the contact centre?
Of course you will worry it's normal but no point worrying over something that may not happen ;)
Who's told you that he will get overnight contact?
Hi chocolate81, I completely understand your concern. My daughter was at the contact centre for 3 months and then it moved swiftly on to days out and then overnight.
When/where did you hear that contact was moving forward? Do you fear for your little ones safety if/when they are with him?
theyve been having contact at a centre since january, last week was in court for review, they dec`ided to introduce gradual trips out the evntyual half days at his place. after solicitor told me that unless he totally messes up hel get overnight next time we r in court for review.
will their ages be considered? i didnt get that impression from the solicitor.
thayve been having contact at centre due to the emotional/pshycological abuse, threats, taking one away without consent and me getting a residence order as a result. he has a kind of bond with the 4 yr old but not with the littlest, think she thinks he works at the centre!! she thinks she is at nursery
im worried baout their safety in the sense has he got a fireguard, car seats, cot etc
but its more the emotional and later the psychological stuff he might do
and also that they are so little and it will disrupt them and be such a huge change for them to stay at his overnight- i dont see the benefit in it for them at this age. theyre both in a good sleep routine and i dont want to disrupt that .
Yes, totally understand all your reservations. Did you email the Legal Expert as suggested?
will do tonight, thanx for the help xx
hi chocolate how is the contact goin for ux
hi keira
at the moment its an hour in and an hour out of the centre, its going ok so far. ive emailed the leagal expert about overnight access and will post reply when it comes. hope u and ur likkle one r well.
Ooh let us know what the Legal Expert says, Chocolate81
This is the response from the legal expert-
If contact between your children and their father is going well and they are enjoying it then a court will always look to make the times and venues as natural as possible. Although the children are young it is around the age of 3 that the Court would typically start looking at overnight contact with the non-resident parent. Under the Children Act 1989 which is the relevant law, a Judge will only do what is in the best interests of your children.
When the Court sits to consider overnight contact if you are still opposed if you do not feel that contact is not in the best interests of your children you should inform your solicitor that you do not think they are ready and why you feel they are not ready.
Thanks for that chocolate81, so do you know what you would like the next phase to be?
at the moment we are using the contac t centre for next month and then moving to contact away from the centre for an increased time of four hours a week.
if all goes well then he could ask for overnight access in a few months when its discussed again at court. i just think its too soon , too fast.
four year old starts school this september and i dont want any changes in her routine which will make things harder for her. and the little one- she not two yet, shes not really aware of who he is!
Hi chocolate81,
I'm presuming you already have a soicitor? As long as you keep them informed of your feelings regarding overnight contact and your objections to it at this point in time (they sound like valid concerns to me), then so much the better.
Courts and judges can never be 'second guessed' but as your feelings concerning overnight stays at your ex's revolve round your children's well being they should be taken into consideration when you go back to court.
Keep in touch and let us know how things are going x
thanks r. m.
will keep u posted x
It's so tough isn't it? Just keep voicing your concerns. Are you happy for them to keep seeing him as is i.e. supervised?
its more loosely monitored at the moment rather than supervised by the contact centre. and its quickly moved to out of the centre now at local park and then in a few weeks time its moving to any where in the community, then few more weeks, back at his place.
im happy for them to see him as long as it doesnt affect them negatively, i think the day that i think its having a seriously negative effect on their behaviour or routine or emotional welfare, and hopefully not physical, then thats the day il barricade my door!!
just wont trun up with them and will write his solicotr explaining why ive stopped contact and then wel have to go through 'negotiations' again!
i just think me and the kids have been through enough turmoil without any more, and id like to kind of prevent it before it happens in a way, even though legally hes got as many rights as i have, im not putting their emotional welfare on the line again to suit his whims and fancies.
think what im saying is that im not the doormat i was before!!!
Can't do right for doing wrong. you don't want to stop contact but have to do the best by them. Feels like a no win situation! Hang in there, keep talking to them and reassuring them and fight your corner - all you can do
Hi chocolate81, I love your last sentence I'm not the doormat I was before! - Brilliant!
It sounds as though you are feeling stronger about what you can or can't control over the next few months and also more in control of your feelings and boundaries, good for you!
yes anna, thank you
i think ive accepted the fact that i am a single parent with the history that i have
and that although i may not have been successful in marriage and relationships theres other things in in my life which are brill so i can focus on that.
and like i said i feel like i dont need to be a doormat to please anyone, i can just be me and u folk can either love me or not, me not kowtowing anymore!
Yeehah! Attagirl! 
Hello chocolate81
Unless there is a really strong hands-on parenting bond then really small children such as your youngest are not automatically considered suitable for overnight contact. Is this something you have run past our Legal Expert?