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Hi
I hope its ok me doing a separate thread here, as I feel your post might not quite be noticed in the 'hello' thread.
I have a feelign that you will probably hate me too. I really, really do care for you. We may never have met, but having read your posts, and cried reading your posts, I do care.
This is just my view point...
I feel with your daughter, you need to send a text to his new g/f and tell her that you will not be responding to any texts from her (if this is how you want it). It's what I'll be telling the Gittess should she text me again after the horrid ones she sent in March. I will not read them, but send a text message to her number to say I won't be reading it.
The decision has been made with your daughter. Her father needs to be dealing with getting her into a local school, and your daughter now needs to realise that he is the parent with care, and you are the non-resident parent. She needs to realise that the role has changed, and that her father's address is now hers.
More than anything, you need to not feel guilty. All of this has been done for a reason. She was making her siblings life hell. You need to focus on that part. It has been done for the wellbeing of the family.
YOU MATTER TOO.
Be firm. Have boundaries in place. Any communications regarding school and health, make it plain to her and to her father that these will all go through him. Do not discuss schools etc with her. You are not the parent with care, this is now down to him. If you strongly object then you become involved... If there are issues with her health, education, then you need to make it plain to your ex that you wish to be kept informed. He needs to be aware that you're not influencing your daughter, so he knows what she says is gobbledeygook.
While she may not live with you, she still needs those boundaries.
I don't think she needs to know what is going on in the household. General chit-chat yes. She doesn't need to know that life is easier, it can be made to sound mundane. After all, the grass is always greener, as she has found out. Just now the gate is closed and she needs to realise that she is stuck in the field she's chosen to graze in.
I must point out that I have had my first can of diamond white in years. And its bl**dy lovely.
I think so much of you Pansy, and I worry.
None of this is meant to offend. Just how I see things...
PS - if my lot chose to live with the other parent, the door would be well and truly shut. They know this....
xxx
Hi Pansy, big hugs for you. I cannot imagine in a million years what you are going through. I'm sure once your daughter realises that she is now with her Father, and that she is to remain there, then things hopefully will settle down for you all. I'm sure it must be really scary for her, starting a new school, making new friends, etc, but again, once the initial first stages have been gone through, then she'll probably feel more happy with the situation.
Is your son going to school this week? I remember you saying that he enjoyed it at the end of term, when he returned for a few days? No more home schooling for him then?
i wish you well Pansy.
x
Hello everyone,
Sparkling, I don't ever hate you for your words of help, i always value them, thank you for doing this thread it was a good idea. sorry i only found it late last night!
well i suppose there is not really much else i can do as i have already done the things you have all suggested.
I had already told the GF i would delete any texts sent by her & only read texts from ex, i said this a few months back but then got abusive ones from him & her again, but did not respond. The solicitor has already mentioned them in a letter once. The reason i felt i had to respond to this one was because if i didn't tell them that i was not thinking of letting her come home then it would have grown into something bigger. I do tape calls to daughter though just incase i need them to prove something, although i'm not sure if i would use them but at least i can go back & quote exactally what i said to daughter & tell i have taped it if she argues I said this & that. this is why i do it, she knows i do it & why, however i think she has forgot.
yes and I did respond to these latest texts by asking that she does not text or call me ever except in an emergency situation re: my children. Ex was also told the same thing the time before that he should only contact me in an emergency & it has been suggested by solicitor to him that future contact is sorted by email & a change to plans have to have 2 weeks notice.
I have had some phrases i repeat to daughter as this has always been the only way of dealing with her since she was one yr old. I remember sitting on the floor in the bank with my arms wrapped around her from behind repeatedly saying ' when you calm down i will let go' no matter what she said or did i would just repeat it until she finally calmed down. i sat there 15mins with all the people in the Q looking at me, she was about 4 yrs old i think. yes i just repeat that the decission has been made, it was made for good reasons & it has to be followed through. Another thing i say when she says give me another chance I'll be different is ' we have already done that & you have had your chances'. I also tell her when she says things like you don't want me or you don't love me, i say 'no i don't like your behaviour but i love you very much'.
I can't think of what else to say. when we talk I don't ever make things sound exciting here, i wouldn't dare! In fact daughter addmits that she is very happy there, but when she is emotional & worried she just wants me, which is understandable. we had not had an episode of her begging to come home for ages, it was only because she was frightened of going to school. i was right, when i phoned her next day she was fine like nothing had happened & only interested in telling me about school. The GF does not realise that this is what she does when she is worried & frightened of something, she always reacts with a drama.
I have emailed the school she is at to introduce myself as the mother & asked for reports on her progress & given my contact details, have not heard back yet so will phone them today.
yes Alison son is going back to school on Thursday, he is looking forward to it, i suspect it will take a while before any problems or frustrations start to show, IF they do, hopefully they won't if they are helping him adjust carefully.
thank you all so much for your wonderful support, it really makes a difference to being able to cope with it all 
Pansy x
Pansy you have worked so hard building up all these strategies over the years and have been an absolute rock.
We are always here to support you
xxxxxxxxxxxx
Daughter has frustrated me! 
I phoned her & she said she was pulled out of class today to be asked if she minds me recieving progress reports on her & she said YES SHE DOES MIND, she then said that I have no rights to know anything about her or her Dr's because i am not her legal guardian, that Dad & 'GF' are & that i gave up all rights when i sent her away. she said I wouldn't like it if her Dad wanted reports about L, i said i wouldn't mind & i would have no say in it anyway even if i did because like me he has parental rights.
I am not sure why they asked her permission, i wonder if Scotish law is different, i will have to look it up. Daughter also said that Ex & GF have said they don't want me to have any infomation.
I had to end the call because she was being very sh**ty with me, so i gave one of my phrases ' if you are going to be agressive with me i will have to end the call & talk when you have calmed down'. sigh... theres always something.
Eldest daughter & I went to her enrollment at college today, she is doing small animal care course, we were there for 3 hrs & she had to do a 40min test! which she was not expecting & no one had told her about, but she is in & can relax now.
Son, poor littleman, he is really worried about school tomorrow, almost in tears, which has surprised me a bit because he was so full of it in that week he done before summer hols, but i suppose he knows it's for real now & he is worried he won't cope & worried about the work. I told him 'one day at a time'.
oh well best research this parental right thing.
Pansy x
hug sy
Hello Pansy
Great that your daughter is in to the course she wants and let's hope your son feels better once he has faced the first day.
As for your other daughter, I wasn't sure if the legal position is different in Scotland with regard to Parental Responsibility but the link below seems to suggest that is is the same as in England, where mother has it automatically until a child is 16, unless is it removed by the courts. What I do know is different is that once a child is 12, their views have to be considered big time as to which parent they want to live with, more than seems to happen in England. Click here to check out Scottish law.
Hi Pansy. I hope it all went ok today for your son. Really nerve racking for him, poor thing, once he settles though, everything will be ok.
Sorry to hear more grief from your daughter. You did the right thing though by ending the call, even though it must be extremely upsetting for you.
Glad your eldest has enrolled. An exciting time for her and your son.
x
Loads of hugs Pansy. What an incredibly upsetting phone call for you from your daughter. You dealt with it really well.
Hope your son has a good day at school, and a huge congratulations to your daughter for getting into college.
Really hope you're ok.
xx
yes am ok. Have avoided the call to head of school today. Actually have been out all day until picking son up, bye the time i got back i didn't feel up to it, but tomorrow I will call to ask what is going on, they have not even phoned me or emailed me back!
sent daughter's boxes with some of her stuff today, £14 postage! she wants her teddies next, bless & her fairy's, not looking forward to packing them up, are to delicate, think i will get my Mum to do it, she is good at that sort of thing.
Son came out very happy today, he said he had a nice day & was eager to call BF & then his Dad to tell them all about it. My car has to go back, probably some sort of timing thing in gear box not quite right, so plan is to meet up in garage & use one of their curtisey cars for weekend, wonder what we will end up with, lol.
Pansy x
I'm so glad your son came out happy. It helps, doesn't it?
I hope it's nothing serious with the car. I usually fall in love with courtesy cars!
Glad your son's went well, Pansy. Fingers crossed for the car!
Hi pansy, I am just catching up with the boards, you sound so grounded, even in times of stress!
You say all the right things and I had fantastic images of you sitting on the bank floor with your daughter - good for you!
Our children really know how to tug on our heart strings, it sounds as though you middle one is still in such confusion, but everything you say is consistent and reasonable, so there isn't anything else you can do or say at this moment. It sounds as if you are in contact with her a lot, just wondered if you ever got round to sending the odd postcard? I only mention it as I was having a discussion the other day with my daughter, she said that her dad should send her notes every now and then just to remind her of him. So I wondered if you could find a card and send it saying something random like 'I was in the supermarket and saw someone wearing your jumper and it made me smile, I love you xxx'
This is something that is totally aside from what is said on the phone or any current issues, just a reminder that you still think of her and she has a special place in your heart.
I also wanted to say again about how children really know how to get to our very souls, they worry, get scared, panic, complain to us, then we spend hours wondering how to deal with it with them, then the next time we speak/see them they are absolutely fine and onto something else. It drives me bonkers sometimes!!
Hello All,
had to call the school back a couple of days later, head did not respond. I called reception & head was not avaliable so they said they would get her to call me, later that day the head of daughter's house called instead & informed me of the same thing daughter had said. i told her i have parental rights & therefore a right to know how my daughter's education is going & she said that children over age 11 have a right to say they don't want me to have any infomation, she then went on to say she has consulted with some one in the local authority. when i asked what department that would be & exactally who they were she told me she did not have to answer that & got funny with me.
So i called the local LEA for the area & explained the situation & told them what was said. The man on the phone was amazed at the over 11 yrs bit, he said it was not correct at all, unless they had gone through Advocy? i think he said. I still don't know what this is, he said it sounded doubtful though & he would contact the school & invesigate it. I spoke again with him a couple of days later & when I mentioned something daughter had said to me on the phone he was amazed! & said 'oh you speak to her on the phone?' i said of course i do regularly, I then thought I had better tell him the whole situation including daughter's behaviour problem & why she went to her Dad, I also told him that ex & his GF don't want me to have any info & have said according to daughter that they are both her legal guardian's not me & that daughter had let slip to me on phone that her Dad & GF had gone up to the school about something on the day i had got the call from the house head. umm intersting!
I am waiting to hear back from him as he said that all that info was very valuable & it was a good job i had told him. I got the impression that he had been told something very different by the school.
meanwhile i phoned my solicitor too & told her, she is sending me a parental rights form to sign & then she will send it with a letter to daughter's school.
I hope i find out what lies have been told, i bet I won't.
Eldest started work placement on monday at the heavy horse centre, they have other animals there too, all of which she has worked with before at college already & horses she knows & has already done BHS horse owners level 1 & 2 so she was fine, a long day though with heavy work from 8am to 5pm, then tues she has a study day & the rest of week at college, she started that yesterday but at least she has spent the last two yrs there one day a week so i think that helped but she was still really worried, she came back very pleased with herself yesterday, she had made herself go & talk to people & she said her whole class are all lovely & mixed ages including a 45 yr old lady.
son was very wobbly when he went back but seems to be managing ok at the moment.
BF has gone back with car working & MOT. My car also fine had to back for some adjustment, but fine now. That place is sooo reasonably priced! i had a whole new reconditioned gearbox £500, was quoted £1, 425 somewhere else!
BF & I been together a year it was on 7th. we did not get to go back to the new forest where we met up last yr as there was to much going on with cars etc but at least we were together which was lovely.
Pansy x
Hi Pansy
Well done for all that detective work, seems that different people have been told different things. Glad you consulted the solicitor as well.
Wow a year for you and BF! 
That seems to have gone past so quickly, has it for you?
I suppose it has gone very quick, i think because we have both been completly wrapped up in all the fights left over from our break ups, a year & it all still goes on.
Although no where near as bad for me as for S I know. I just don't know how he keeps going! and he still has enough left to give support to me & my children.
still no word from daughter's school or the bloke from the LEA.
I suppose i should chase it & phone school & ask for head again & complain about the fact i was told she would call me & have been waiting all week! but really don't feel up to it.
will do it Monday.
son still happy at school except for boy pushing him around, will have to tackle that Monday too.
nip "pushing around" in the bud.
still can't get hold of head of daughter's school, has not returned my calls. Other bloke from LEA is also trying to get hold of her, she is interviewing all week.
son did noy get through the door of school today, he tried very hard but had meltdown in car, which is just a silence, luckily for me, but if i pushed it would envolve crying & hiding or running off & that is damaging for him & i would lose his trust.
Headmaster came out to car to speak gently with him, he could not get eye contact or words from him, he was very good as he understands quite well, he knew i would have to take him home. The plan is for them to think of something that L may like to do with eveyone at school & just go in for that & try & build it up, but of course i know it is unlikely to work, his educational pshycologist & Dr did not say he was unable to cope for nothing, they done it after many differnet visits & talks with him that took place over a few months. I am cross that he is forced to go through this just to PROVE he is unable to cope to a stupid woman with a bee in her bonnet about people who have taken their children out of school to home educate! without a thought as to why they HAD to do it. And even with two reports to say he needed the 'out of schools service' because of being unable to cope with school.
I was already in an emotional state> I don't know what is wrong with me. I can't cope with a thing! My house & garden is in a terrible mess & is really getting me down & this is a really dramatic thing to say but i feel like my life is nothing & i am sick of it! all i have done is cry all day & i am sick of myself too, but am in so much pain inside that i don't know what to do with myself.
maybe it is full moon, that can effect me, I am ruled by it.
And to top it off ex phoned on landline 
he never does that! wanted me to send his bank card on when it arrives, why can't he change his address! he can sod off.
just please ignore me, i am probably just letting off steam.
Pansy
It's good when there is an understanding Head. And you know you're right, but these things have to be tried to shut others up, I feel.
I hope the Head will make a note of this...
Should ex's bank card arrive, I would return it, no longer at this address and inform them of his new one. I know it means a stamp and an envelope, but I'm afraid I did have to take drastic action with my ex and the bank. The bank was good, to be fair.
My house is a mess, as is the garden. I don't seem to have the ability to tackle either - although I did get out garden shears and "shape" the spirea yesterday. I cleaned the kitchen sink too.
I'm finding things hard going at the mo. I think its the battles with school, the anxiety of the eldest getting into college and the nights drawing in.
I'm missing summer already, and that ended in May, here, I think.
xxx
thank you sparkling x
xxx
Hi Pansy I am not surprised you feel as you do, what turmoil you have had recently. The house and garden thing, well that can wait and then can be tackled in small slices (with rewards heh heh. Maybe you could start thinking about what rewards you would like and would motivate you?)
You are doing your best to get your daughter sorted and now your son is being put through the mill. You must feel pulled in all directions! Hopefully you will feel a bit better tomorrow, it sounds like a Scooby Doo day today.
I agree with sparkling lime, there has been quite enough time for the children's dad to have changed his address, just return to sender. I have even done that with eldest son, when he has been too lazy to change addresses, it soon made him change his tune (as well as his address!)
Got L through the door of school to see his teacher today, she is also deputy head & it is her day in the office today.
she is fantastic, she has done him a barometer, point scale thing 1-5 with the faces of different emotions (i told them they would need to do this at the start, but they didn't because they thought he seemed ok, which was my point exactally!) they will use this after every bit of work, playtime, etc. Also she will set him up a time out place he can go & sit in if at number 5! we have agreed with L that he will just go in mon, wed, fri morning & stay for lunch each of those days too. He is happy with the agreement & she has explained to him it is like building up muscles for a marathon.
Hi Pansy. Sounds like your son has a lovely Head and Deputy, who are definately trying to do what they can to encourage him, as well as his wonderful Mum of course It isn't of course fair what the system is doing to him, and hopefully soon, you can stick 'you know what' up at them once it is all sorted.
You are, and have been through so much, so don't be thinking of the garden or the house at the moment. You can catch up with all the chores when you feel able to tackle them. Try and take time out for yourself on the days that your son is able to get into school.
I'm sorry that you're feeling so low, but deep down you know that you have a lot in your life, 3 wonderful children for starters, parents who love you, and your BF. I know you also have a lot of s*** going on too, but you'll get through and it will make you a stronger person.
Take lots of care.
x
thanks Alisoncam,
am feeling better than i did yesterday, even though sadsy's news has upset me. still not good but more balanced i would say.
hopefully tomorrow i will feel better again. i know it does pass eventually.
It will pass Pansy, glad you're feeling better
Did Sadsy post? If yes, not read it yet, so will go and check now.
Keep smiling,
x
Alisoncam, what great advice!
Pansy, from what you've said your son's deputy head sounds like she genuinly cares for your son's best interests, does it feel that way to you?
Your doing a fantastic job and I agree with Alisoncam, sometimes you have to put your own wellbeing first...a messy house and garden is not the end of the world, time out for you with everything you have going on has to be a priority. What do you like doing to treat yourself?
HelenT
Pansy, you must be so shattered.
I'm so glad the deputy head seems to be understanding. So good if they're on your side.
You make sure you take care of you too.
xxxxx
it's a non-starter this morning, could not get him out the door & i will not drag him as that would just do more damage, luckily the headmaster was of the same opinion when i phoned him (i used to have my daughter trying to jump out the car! when she was 11 yrs, bless her, she has come sooo far!) he is very annoyed with himself for not being able to do it, he feels 'stupid' his words. this does not help & yet another reason why i did not want him subjected to what i KNEW he could not handle, as i wanted him to build up gradually over the yrs to doing more & be proud of what he achieves but if he is given to much to start with i.e school then in his mind he has failed AND he is not normal, that's how he sees it. All this could have been avoided if the two proffessional people and me, his mother could have been listened to.
oh well i need to shut up about that now, but i can't help being cross about it because i have been waiting to get him into education of some sort for over a year! and couldn't because no one would do what they were supposed to & decided he should go to school or nothing. The fact is if they had taken the advice of the educational psycologist & Dr he would have been doing something under the 'out of schools service' for the last yr at least!
Plan is to try again friday, the next day he agreed. meanwhile he can carry on beating himself up about his failers & by the time they realise it's no use & send someone round to organise what they can provide through the other service he will not even want to look at them & will hide behind a pillow, then there will be no chance of getting a teacher through the door of our home OR getting him to an activity like kayaking, not without lots of anxiety for him, which is a great shame because before all this he was willing to try all that & had hoped he would maybe get my daughters tutor who she has had since she was 11 yrs & he knows because she has come to our house all those yrs, it would have been ideal.
sorry said i'd stop moaning. feel better now.
Have to go off & get some things done today, must not sit around. Have chickens coming saturday so i do need to get some things done out there in preperation.
have another battle later as boy upset him at climbing last week, so what with how he is now, could have problems with him wanting to go there now.
Pansy, don't stop talking about it. You have every right to shout, scream etc. Your poor son feeling like he has 'failed'. Bless him. I hope the boy hasn't put him off climbing.
Good luck with the preparations for the chickens.
Take care, hope you have a good (ish) day
x
You "moan" all you want Pansy! It is truly dreadful when our children are going through such agony and we are at a loss to know how to help them. You have done so much, as you say, the system has to take its course and maybe in the end they will acknowledge you have been right all along!
You're not moaning.
I just think its fabulous you have a Headmaster who you can work with.
I do hope you sort of have a reasonable day today with him. Fingers crossed for Friday.
This is going by stuff that sometimes worked with C (not always, mind!). He used to hate noise and the busyness of everyone arriving. I was able to take him in early, so he was in the class before everyone, which he coped with. That was primary school though...
I know its impossible to take 14 year old to any activity if someone's upset him. That involves him "hiding" in his bed (bottom bunk with blankets and bath towels tucked into top bunk to make a tent), or him hiding behind the settee curled in a tight ball as he knows I can't do much about it.
Thinking of you so much today.
is ok have finished my moan, he he!
feel better, have decided I'm not getting chickens on Saturday, have put it off until the next rescue, there is just to much to sort out & i'm not ready. It is now one less thing to think about, sigh of relief.
BF will be pleased as he wanted to come & help me pick them, but will be at wedding on that day, he may get the chance now.
I love chickens they have lovely little personalitys, will be nice to have them back! & they will mow one end of my garden for me & weed it, my lovely little garderners
suppose the rats will be back soon, they come every winter & so does the pest man! have brought nice new hen house that is off the ground with shelter underneath, that way i don't have to worry about rats nesting underneath or trying to get up into the shed. they are not as bad as they were, pest man keeps numbers very low. it was awful before i got him in regularly.
I have rat poison at the ready, I'm afraid. We back on to a field, so I know they're about. I've got the hutches too, even though the children do tidy with a dustpan and brush to make sure its clear...
Things are going wrong with this rescue dog too... Children are positve, yet I'm negative.
I think I'm going off rescuing anything!
oh no! what's happening with doggy? it can be difficult having a rescue as you are never sure of their background.
Is there anyone that has not got rats these days? i'm sure they are planning to take over the world!
Dog is as sweet as anything in the house, but will go for other dogs.
After an incident yesterday - which to be fair wasn't started by our doggy - we've decided to put her to sleep.
Daughter's devastated. Well, we all are. Fourteen year old has shut himself away.
One of the trainer's is going to come and collect her and have thanked us for making such a brave decision.
I think I need to go and hide from the world, as I keep making wrong choices.
On the other hand, she has been loved and has loved us. In a way, she did find her forever home...
I'm sure someone has predicted that rats will rule the world in the end!!
oh no Sparkling i'm so sorry! you have indeed made a hard decision & probably the right one.
At least like you say she was loved.
hugs x
Very sorry for you all in the sparkling home.
It's really upsetting.
hug sy x
Aww I am sorry to hear this, after the loss of your other pets and now this. The trainers will have a lot of experience and if they agree with the decision then it must be the right one, so don't stop trusting your instincts
A lot going on here.
Trainers told me to email rescue centre. Rescue centre up in arms.
I really would like to live in the outer hebrides. Without a phone!
Am in a bit of a state & my son have had some really bad news!
someone is going to need our support more than ever now. (don't ask me)
oh God I am beside myself! I have to pull myself together.
Sorry to hear that you have had such bad news Pansy
It's not me that's had it Louise. I have now pulled myself together & gathered the strength that i will need to support him. I usually fall apart at bad news first & then pull myself together, i suppose i get it out my sytem first. Is weird how we are all different.
Have just read Sy's post. It is awful, poor little A. She is going to one of the best hospitals, and we'll all be thinking of her and the family.
I'm at a complete loss of what to say. My stomach turned over when I read Sy's post.
Drive carefully today Pansy.
x
Hello Pansy
Yes now I have seen the other post and am so very sorry to hear this awful news.
You will be a great help to BF I am sure, but do look after yourself too, lots of deep breaths and do things slowly and not in a panic.
Thinking of you all
feel sick & ill this morning & have a lot to do to get ready.
son would not go into school, his teacher came out to speak to him in the car but he wouldn't even give eye contact, then when she went back in he cried. I went to tesco to get food for daughter & friend for the weekend & when we came out he said he would go in! so i took him back & he got there just in time to join the class after the assembly. i will be picking him up at 1pm. Getting him through the door was the main thing, if he comes out in a state today i would say theres no chance of school working but if he is ok, then we will just have to carry on & see.
Son & daughter were very upset yesterday at the news, I had to tell them what is going on so I could explain why BF needs me. son does not really like going to his Nan's & he wanted to come with me because he is worried about sadsy, but i have explained that he can't because he wouldn't be allowed in the hospital etc & told him the best thing he can do to help BF is allow me to go & look after him for the weekend.
I am planning on leaving after 6 ish when i have taken son to his Nan's & picked daughter up from her college bus at 5.30. i have to leave her to look after dog etc. she is having a trusted friend round & my Mum & Dad will keep an eye on her, luckily she is very sensible so i am not worried especially with my parents only up the road. Then i will travel back on Sunday. I think sadsy's Mum is back on tuesday, so he will be on his own on Monday.
will keep you all updated. x
Take care of you too Pansy. Glad your son went in to school after all today
x
The whole continuing problem is two-fold. Firstly that your daughter tries every emotional technique on you and no matter what boundaries you keep, she will then go and tell her father and his GF a different story about what she has said. The only answer to this is for them to hav the calls between her and you on speaker phone, which probably wouldn't suit either of you!
I understand that it is infuriating that the GF takes control and talks about your daughter " being sent to me" BUT the only person you are hurting is yourself by getting so cross.
Sparkling lime makes an excellent point about not making life sound too exciting at your house!!!!! The other thing I would suggest is that you develop a couple of "broken record" phrases, something like "That is up to your dad and not me" and "I love you very much but at the moment it is right for you to live with your dad" When you have designed these phrases, write them down and keep them by the phone. When/if you are subjected to a tirade on the phone, you keep repeating these phrases. This gives you at least the illusion of control.
Next, let's think about the GF. You said you would not respond to her texts and now you feel drawn in again. You need to decide a.if you want to tell her again that you will not respond, and b. how are they to let you know if there WAS a serious concern. It's all about you taking control here, Pansy. Hope at least you have some ideas of how to move forward now, between sparkling lime and myself.