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Hi everyone
I recorded a late night programme called "Cherry's Parenting Dilemmas" the other night. To be honest I imagined it would be a bit wishy washy but it was great! She has an 18 month old and she went round meeting people with different parenting styles and also tracked a mum with her teen through a parenting situation and what happened.
Some of the parents were clearly chosen because their style is not mainstream. One family slaps their children's hands rather a lot and altho we have a no-smacking policy here at One Space, what shocked me most about these parents was that they put the child outside IN THE DARK for a short while as a punishment. It's the sort of thing that I hear when I am in my counselling chair!
Anyway here is the link if you would like to watch it here .PLEASE NOTE THIS IS NOT SUITABLE FOR CHILDREN AS ONE MUM IS A LAPDANCER AND APPEARS SEMI-NAKED AND ONE SECTION HAS SOME VERY STRONG LANGUAGE IN IT (heh heh, I bet you all watch it now!!!!!)
There have been some problems reported with BBC i-player on Firefox, so you may have to use a different browser.
I think I caught some of that. Where they were shutting the child outside if they didn't listen...
It was if a child got out of bed. Now, I have used the technique of Time Out when my youngest was small, I used to ask him to go and stay in the hall to calm down, but it was always lit and he could sit on the bottom step if he wanted. This felt very inapprorpriate.
Yes watched that on your link Louise really enjoyed it, well not the part where they put the kids outside thought that was parenting gone too far poor kids! Still havent decided what parent i am just one that takes each day as it comes!!!!
Haven't watched the link, but there are some really odd reality shows around parenting.
Like your post trying hard about deciding your parenting style as one that takes each day as it comes!!!
Watching this just compounds my belife that my kids are indeed perfect : )
Joking aside though... it makes me feel lucky to have well behaved children but then it makes me worry about the fact that they will soon be teenagers, I wouldn't like my relationship with my kids to end up like that mum with the teenage daughter that wanted to be a tatooist, that was sad.
Haven't watched it yet, but no way would I put C out in the dark. Even if I send him to bed early as a punishment, I wouldn't dream of not leaving a hall light on for him. Don't they realise the damage this can cause. I absolutely hated the dark, my sister needed the dark to sleep (we shared a room). Both my mum and dad told her to stick her head under the blankets, hehe. Always the hall light on for me, with bedroom door open 
I think the dark thing was awful, and will possibly set up psychological problems for those children.
Re teenagers, Bubblegum, that relationship on the programme had taken years to deteriorate to that point. Mum and daughter were not having any quality time together, there appeared to be little loving chit chat or banter and when daughter asked to go to the event, the mum sort of faffed around a bit and grounded her for two weeks "in advance"! Far better to have sat down together and discussed it and asked the daughter to suggest some ground rules and also for the two of them to agree consequences if there was overstepping of certain boundaries....it was the boundary thing that was wrong in my opinion, on one hand no clear agreement between them and on the other hand the arbitrary enforcement of a two week grounding.
You may have seen me sometimes suggesting parents record themselves when they talk to their teens over the course of an evening. I did this myself and was shocked at how many instructions there were, and negative comments and it taught me a lesson. One of the most important things is keeping the relationship strong and loving, and at the same time not letting them walk all over us. I think your teens will be fine, Bubblegum
I really enjoyed watching this programme too..( in between trying to keep an eye on the teenagers downstairs)...
Thanx Louis, I suppose they have to choose extream cases for the program or it wouldn't be interesting. It seemd obvious to me that the smaking couples children had been taught that hitting was OK as that is what I saw the littlest one trying to do to the dad when he was filming him.
I have smaked my son a couple of times in his life and it was because I had lost my temper and I felt terrible about it after and still do when I think about it. I don't think it serves any positive purpose, it's an outlet of anger and it just teaches children that hitting is an OK reaction to being angry.
Also 'time out' shouldn't be something where the child experiences fear, fear shouldn't be a tool to disciplining your child. Time out should be a time for a child to contemplate it's actions and the (clearly defined) consiquences while excluded from what is going on in the house. And then when it is over discuss their and your feelings.
Locking them outside was horrible.
And! I don't have to tape my kids Louis, I just have to listen to them and I hear myself, my words... Loosing an argument to your child by your own logic and words, it's kind of funny and it brings a smile to my face, and a look of smug victory to theirs, the buggers! : )
Hi all, I watched the programme over the weekend.
The children of the smacking couple were terribly pale and unwell looking. They also didn't seem to be any more disciplined than any other children and bubblegum, I noticed the little boy trying to smack his dad too. This techniques doesn't work so well methinks. To me, smacking usually tends to be us venting our frustration at not being able to deal with a certain behaviour.
I truly believe it is all about talking. if the parents 'spoke' to their children rather than commanded and the mum 'chatted' with her tattoo artist daughter, then these problems would be nipped in the bud.
I think children ultimately want the unconditional love from their parents that they had when they were tiny and we have to give it. We need to disapprove of the behaviour not of the child.
What did everyone think of the 'hippy' way of parenting? Was she too lax? How do we think those children will grow up?
I liked the hippy woman, but then she's the one I remember least, I liked the let them get up naturaly thing, but besides that I can't remember much about her.
I was talking with my sister about it today and she also noticed that despide the harsh disiplin they were still misbehaving.
: )
Hi bubblegum, I agree with you, we didn't really get enough info about the hippy style parenting, except they can get up when they want and don't have to do work first thing, they start with art, oh and the presenter didn't like the green health drink. I think they didn't give us anything juicy to pick at with this style!
Are your children early risers, or do they get up when you do, or do they sleep in unless there is school?
They get up around eight or nine, ten at the latest. During school I wake them up at seven and they don't complain... I wake them up with the Radio, Radio 6 generaly and sometimes, if they are particularly slow to rise, with the hoover and then when they hide under the quilts I stick the nozzle under and suck their feet with it. Sometimes I turn my guitar on quite loud and give them a short burst of frantic guitar playing or sing them a made up song about them. They still sleep in my room for the most part which is where my massive Marshall amplifier is : )
If they try to crawl back under their quilts I pull them off and then tickle them.
I keep doing things to annoy them untill they make a move to get up.
And despite all this they are generaly quite happy in the mornings.
Thats great that their day starts with a smile! Does it irritate you that you have to make so much effort, or do you enjoy coming up with inventive ways of raising them out of their slumber?
My daughter has always been an early bird and happy until the last couple of years! I still don't have to get her up, she is good at doing that on her own, but she rolls down the stairs looking miserable as if the end of the world is nigh!
Personally I hate getting up when I have to and I think your tactics would drive me bonkers, so as I said earlier, its great that they can deal with your tactics with a smile! Long may it last!
Do yours go to bed at a set time?
My eldest three are good at getting up, it's the youngest that is difficult and will cry scream and dig her heels in about everything from what socks she will or won't wear to what she wants to eat etc etc. 
This is frustrating and i have tried many way's to get her up, we are down to bribary now 
I posted a reply here a couple of days ago and it dissapeared.
!?
It was the best post I've ever written, you would all have been very impressed and wanted to marry me and stuff.
But alas it's gone and you'll never know.
Anna! I always tease my kids, I tease them untill they can't take it any more and then I tease them some more and then when they stomp off in a huff I give them one last blast of teasing. It's how my parents were with me. I tease them too far and then I feel bad and then I go and give them a cuddle... and some more gentle teasing untill they smile.
Or sometimes I just shout and say NOW!
Who needs the post, I'll marry you Bubblegum
I loved the hoover sucking at their feet (not that you'd do that to me when we wed) 
I also make up songs about C, though not with the guitar. I wake C up between 7 and 7.15, and on the whole, he is very good at getting up. Sometimes I'll go in singing, if he's under the duvet, 'Wake up everybody, no more sleeping in bed' (who sings that)? Hopefully his happiness in the mornings won't change, but then he'll hit teenage years soon enough, and then ................................. Doesn't bear thinking about 
Oh don't think about that yet, guys
When youngest was 11 he started learning nSpanish at school and every morning I would go in and say good morning in Spanish and ask him what day it was.....it got so that as I opened the bedroom door, he could nor bear me to go through the whole rigmarole, so would just shout "martes!" or whatever, to get rid of me
LEVANTE! A HORA! PRONTO! FUERA LA CAMA!
I speak to mine in spanish too sometimes, and little bits stick : )
Deja me en paz!
Hazelyes! I once nannied for my sister for a year or so and during the day when I was doing all the house work I used to torment the dog with the hoover, idea being that if I just hovered the dog rather than wait for the hair to fall off around the house... she used to go mad and bark at it and attack it, eventualy she would just lie there and stair at me while I hoovered her.. When I stopped nannying my sister called me up a few weeks latter and was telling me how she didn't understand but every time she got the hoover out the dog would go mad and attack it.
: )
Till her dying days she would attack the hoover when ever she saw it thinking it was some sort of game.
She was a German Sheaperd, lovely tempered playfull (hairy) dog... now burried under an apple tree with her favourit squeaky hedgehog. : )
Awww....
.... but your logic in hoovering the dog rather than the carpet is just genius!
Didn't seem to make much difference : /
Ah. Another thing to cross off the list of things to try.
bubblegum, your post made me laugh out loud, which was just what I needed thanks!
We were emigrating our site to a new server, that might have been why your post got lost, apologies for that! I am sure it was excellent though!
I guess its good to raise your kids with teasing, as you have to take all sorts in this world. I personally can't bear it! My brothers used to tease me incessantly and still to this day, it just infuriates me! Maybe I am just a sour puss!
My daughter is very cool though, because she now takes the mickey out of them AND gets away with it!
PS. bubblegum have you recently changed your childrens faces on your avatar??!!!
They changed them a while ago, they changed me too, originaly they had me naked but I asked to have something at least : )
aha, thats why you have a handy "cover-up" poncho!
Shall take a peek at some point.