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Parents evening at school

foxy1975

Yesterday I faced my first parents', ahem, should that be single mothers' evening at the new school. I was aware that is was going to be a little 'awkward', but was so busy trying to get tea and stuff sorted before the babysitter arrived, that I didn't have any time to panic.

Parents' evening was not a big deal at Primary school, since I knew so many of the teachers and other parents already. But it can be really daunting to face roomful of new people, most of them in couples, and to be obviously alone. It was a case of putting on my best shoes, and a smile on my face, and getting on with it. Luckily, there was plenty to talk about (kids, obviously!) and at least the teachers were not in couples! (at least in this setting).

The lady from the PTA wanted me to get involved. Normally, I would be up for that, but I had to explain that it is actually quite hard for me to get out in the evenings.

How do other people cope with parents' evenings and social functions at school? It seems to me that most teachers are supportive and are just pleased if you take an interest in your child's progress. But it is still a time when you can very much feel the absence of the other parent. O's father lives in another city, and it's difficult for him to make an evening appointment, so he doesn't 'do' the schools. (And on reflection, maybe that is a good thing).

Would like to know how other people approach this... :)

Posted on: September 29, 2011 - 4:48am
Louise
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

Hi foxy 1975

Thanks so much for raising this, I really feel for you, it was something I found very difficult too. I felt as if I stuck out like a sore thumb. Was it a load of little tables in the big dining hall and all the teachers seated in alphabetical order? In truth (i used to tell myself) there were many parents who were actually in couples who had had to leave their partner at home caring for younger children, or who were working etc. and so were also on their own.

The only way I coped was by making the child himself come with me (luckily the school encouraged that) and by him stiing at the small table with me and the teacher, so it became not so much a parental consultation as a three way discussion of progress and what next. Would this help at all?

Posted on: September 29, 2011 - 8:23am

sparklinglime
DoppleMe

In primary school the teachers and the Head new me pretty well (I knew the Headmaster anyway as we were in the same badminton club years before!).  I always had the first appointment and the children were in the hall.

High school has been more difficult, especially here, as you're at least there for two hours standing in various queues to see various teachers. 

My MiL would come and babysit when the children were younger.  Now they're getting on a bit, I don't have that worry.

The Git did come to them for the first couple of years with the eldest, but that was it. 

 

Posted on: September 29, 2011 - 8:49am

hazeleyes
DoppleMe

As C is still in the Juniors, the parents evenings take place one to one with the teacher. I've not found it awkward (so far). This is probably because I've always been on my own, so don't know any different.

Posted on: September 29, 2011 - 9:48am

Anna
Online
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

Hi foxy 1975

I used to do what Louise was saying (it took a bit of practice and finding some self confidence). I used to create a bit of a persona!

My ex was either looking after the children, or cooking supper, or a rock star and on tour! all you have to do is hold your head up and feel good about yourself. People only notice you if you look particularly miserable and only then it is the wife of the couple who then feels pity, but she won't do anything about it!

So stand proud, there are many reasons why we are all single parents and its no-one else's business and to be honest I'm sure no-one else at the parents evening cares anyway!

Posted on: October 4, 2011 - 12:16pm

foxy1975

Thanks guys, that is useful. I will bear those things in mind next time Parent's Evening comes around. Sorry it took me a week or two to get back! Life has been a bit hectic.

 

Posted on: October 7, 2011 - 2:14pm

Good Enough Mum

Hi everyone Smile

Parent's evenings at primary school were difficult for me as a single parent. I was the only single parent in my youngest child's class, and I felt so self-conscious! My ex-husband has never been to anything school related for either of his children since the day we split up (over 10 years ago).  I have been to everything (plays/summer fairs/parent's evenings/assemblies) on my own.  It was hard when all the other parents were in couples.

However, now that both of mine are in secondary school, I find that the parent's evenings are so much easier!  I noticed that there were other parents who were on their own and, generally, nobody was taking very much notice of anyone else because it was so busy!  Smile

Posted on: October 7, 2011 - 2:34pm

Anna
Online
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

Absolutely Good Enough Mum! You are so right, everyone else is too busy with their own agendas to worry about our lives!! Laughing

Posted on: October 11, 2011 - 11:58am