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Hi
Im 27 and my partner is 30, weve been togetherefor 9 years and decided to try for baby, in jan 2012 i fell pregnant, but nowhe has left me :(. He took me on hol with hisfamily in june for a week, and the day we got back he told me that he was leaving and that he likes somone else and he's been seeing her now and then since feb. Im soo heartbroken, He was my world and he is anice man apart form what he's done now and he wants to be there as much as possible for the baby and will help and support me as much as possible, but i just want him back, i miss and love him soo much, i feel soo alone. I dont know why he did this, to get pregnant in jan and cheat on me in Feb, He was my best friend, Im nervous about the next few months how im gonna cope, as i cry most days. I love m baby growing inside me, but i aslo get sad sometimes when i look at my bump, and that makes me feel like a bad mum, I haven enjoyed this pregnancy at all. He says he wasn;t happy, but how can someone leave there partner of 9 years who's pregnant witha child they both wanted for someone he's know a few months.
Sorry for the long email, i just feel alone and i miss him terribly
Thats what i thought, but to go to someone soo soon,it hurts alot. he was everything to me, it was birthday injan and he took me away, we were soo happy, i just dont understand why this all happened, and i dont think he'll comeback to me
No, he hasn;t i ask him, but he says he was unhapy,but i dont know from when, all i can see is that he was unahppy form feb onwards (thats when i told him i was pregnant) as thats when everything changed, when he stayed out on weekends, came from work late and stopped texting and emailing me nice things, But he said its nothing to do with the baby
I have a good support system, my family have been very good, but are disapointed with my partner they really liked him, he was part of our family. Also my friends have been good, arrnaging meals and going to each other houses and work has been really kind to me, as ive worked there for 8 years. His sister has also been very supportive, she is soo ashamed of him and won't see him or the girl he cheated on me with she thinks what theyve donw is really wrong, to do this to me when im pregnant. Also this baby is the first on both sides of my family, his parents are upset. Everyone seems soo sad.
Thanks
I'm not suprised it hurts - and its such a fresh 'hurt' too. It sounds trite to say it, but time is a great healer.
I'm really glad to hear that you have supportive people all around you. I'm pleased your ex's family are there for you too, as they will be your baby's family after all and it seems only fair that they help to look after you during this period of grieving for your relationship.
It does seem that he has made his mind up. If his behaviour altered shortly after you told him you were expecting then despite what he says, it does sound like it was the baby's existence affected his feelings about your relationship.
i just wish i could get him back, if he could only see how much he'll mis out on and the baby is a special, I wanted him there at the birth as he's the only one im really close to, he said he'd come but its my choice i dont know whether it would make me feel better or not him being there. As i want to be able to say to our daughter her dad was at the birth, i dont think i want my mum or sister there as were diffeent and they would really annoy me.
Hello Azabeth
A big welcome from me, too. I agree with Mary that the reality of being a dad has been difficult for him to handle. That is not to excuse his behaviour, he has treated you very badly and hurt you, too.
However much you may want him to come back and share all the joy of the baby's arrival, as you had dreamed....the fact remains that we cannot make someone do what they don't want to do. I am also going to say something very harsh and that is that if you have a man in your life, you need someone who is reliable and truthful......whereas now he has broken your trust, even if he came back you would quite naturally be suspicious of him and never quite relax.
You have got the support of family and friends and that is wonderful.Now is the time to make some practical provisions as to where you will live, how your maternity leave will work out etc. He needs to make some financial provision for the baby, too. In terms of emotions, it sounds as if you are "thinking" that you are feeling sad about the baby but I am thinking that you are feeling sad FOR the baby, ie why doesn't his/her dad want to be there properly? and of course you are grieving about the break up.
When you have a child with someone it is less easy just to cut them off and indeed it is almost always better for the child to have contact with both parents so it is likely that you will continue to encounter him. It's important that when the baby is born you do not argue or get emotional in front of him/her. Separated parents need to be almost like business partners working together for the good of the child.
So if that is where you need to be, how on earth do you get there? You do need time to grieve and crying is not a bad thing to do (your emotions will be heightened anyway because of the pregnancy) Make sure, however, that you rest and that you eat some decent food, you need this baby to be healthy and strong.
How would you feel about booking in for some counselling? You can also talk to your midwife who may be able to put you in touch with other mums to be. I can recommend this book (click to see) which has helped many people who are feeling bereft after a break up.
Stay with us, we can support you, it's a friendly place and you will be able to hear from other parents who have been through exactly the same and I hope will feel comforted and reassured by that.
Hello Azabethz
Don't apologise - its understandable that you feel so sad and lonely. Welcome to One Space. I'm Mary, one of the moderators.
Could it be that your partner liked the idea of starting a family with you in theory but when it actually happened he got scared? Its not an uncommon reaction in men. I can only guess at this though, and it sounds like he's not given you much in the way of a 'good' reason to disolve what I am presuming from reading your post was a solid relationship up until recently.
I am sure you will make a great mum when the time comes. What is your support system like - do you have family and friends around to help you out (or give you a hug)?