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I Hope that anyone reading this isn't having a bad day, week, month or year like me!........ The only thing that actually keeps me 'sane' is the gorgeous little man upstairs.....18 months old.
I am going through hell at the moment.......My mother who i have never had a good relationship with because she neglected me & was very intimidating/bordering on physical abuse when I was a child is currently waging a war of unneccessary hatred and evil on me.
Our relationship has always been 'volatile' at best and there have been many times throughout my 'adult' life that i have distanced myself from her. I have had no contact with her during these times to protect myself from her control, intimidation, tirrade of constant insults/abuse, sometimes minor pysical violence and hatred directed at me for no reason........
When I was expecting my son, I was quite ill throughout my pregnancy and then following amniocentesis it was suspected that there was a genetic/chromsome abnormality with the baby and I was in a hell of a state because although unplanned the pregnancy was so, so wanted.
Fortunately [thank God] further tests/scans etc revealed that the problems were very very, very minor.........During this hideous, traumatic period my mother supported and helped me when I was in pieces and I honestly thought she had realised the error of her ways and that she was hurting me beyond belief and had changed.
When the baby was born he was fine and healthy and she helped me take care of him for the first 6 months of his life but she was constantly taking-over, critisizing everything I did, making all the decisions, over-ruling me all the time and controlling everything and making me feel generally crap.
she felt that she could walz in and out of my home whenever she felt like it, have a go at me for no reason, shout, scream and swear like a raving mad woman and say the most despicable things such as "why dont you go & kill yourself, do everyone a favour" and "no-one loves you" and other similar words of evil and hatred.
When i eventually did find the courage to finally distance her from myself and the baby to protect him, i realised i had to do because he was constantly getting upset and distressed at her mad rantings and I prevented her from having any contact with him.
A couple of weeks after this the health visitor called at my home saying that my mother had rung her....she had told her that "I am not a good mother and I am causing my son pain and distress". My HV who has personally witnessed her behavior supported me stating that she has "No concerns whatsoever re the care of my son & i am a good parent and she is unable to discuss the matter further"
I went to a solicitor and she wrote a letter to her asking her to stay away from me and my son as she was still coming to my home and trying to get in......I had to call the police on more than one occasion to remove her from my home when she was successful and was kicking off.
Then came a call to social services with similar allegations ands even allegations that I am abusing my son and making reference to the 'baby P case'.
Social services were not concerned at all because they had been warned by the HV that she may call. They stated that there are no concerns and they do not need to be involved.
SS have since had 3 more calls, 2 from her & one from her boyfriend. SS have since visited my home and concluded that my son is a happy, well cared for and loved little boy and no further involvement is necessary.
Following this, a letter from my Mum's solicitor applying for custody/residency order of my son.... My solicitor has written back stating that we will opose any court applications for residency.
All this has been sheer hell, its soooooooooo hard being a single parent. I adore my son, he is gorgeous, cute, perfect and i love him sooooooooooo much it hurts.
I would never, ever, ever harm him in any way but he is quite demanding and i get exhausted with all this stress and anxiety. I feel so, so ill most of the time and i don't feel like i am a good parent at all. I feel that she is deliberately trying to 'break me' because then she may have the baby and if this goes-on much longer she will succeed.
I have regular support from friends, the HV, women's aid and a parenting group which help enormously but it's sooooo difficult.
I recently found out that she is listening and waiting outside my home all hours to see what I am up-to. She has also asked neighbours to spy on me and let her know my comings and goings.
She accused me in a letter to SS of being promiscuous and having men back n forth my house ....This is a blatent and obsene lie....I have not been intimate with anyone or even close to anyone since a few months after my son was conceived.....this was over 2 years ago..... My son's father was a 'fling' and ended soon after i found out that i was pregnant...he has no involvement in my son's life and is not named on the birth cert.
However, i have also found out that she has contacted a number of my ex's..... 2 of them as far back as 15 years when i was 20 and got them to 'dish the dirt'. She has also contacted a friend that i fell out with whilst at Uni over 7 years ago to get a derogitory statement from her and numerous other people.
She has also contacted the baby's father and obtained a statement from him. When we split-up it was not amicable because he was not interested in supporting me or the baby and did not want me to continue with the pregnancy. We both said some nasty, hurtful things so he has nothing to lose by slagging me off.
I am soooo scared, it seems that she will stop at nothing to hurt me, get her own way and do whatever it takes to get my gorgeous boy. She is consumed by evil and jealous that the baby is mine and she wants him soooo badly. I am frightened of what she will do because she is soooo irrational and out of control and cant see sense.
I have another appointment with my solicitor next week, going to try and see if I can get a restraining order or injunction quickly....... Already spoken to the police, apparently there is not enough evidence for a harrassment charge..... what do they need, - a 4 page headline/story [false] in the national papers for God's sake.
Both myself and more importantly my son are at risk and no-one is doing anything........
I have to move out of the area and quickly but I have no money to do it [she took all my savings - £3,500] I don't know where to turn for help and my friends and support network are here. This is also a lovely area to bring-up my son, fantastic schools, nice area etc. I have no family to speak of other than distant aunts/cousins who live all over UK.
Please, please can someone help offer any advice, information, anything would be sooooooo appreciated. I feel like I am going out of my mind with all this worry and stress.
Hi flammingstar. Welcome along to One Space. You really are having a rough ride of it with your mum aren't you? It's so obvious to anyone reading your post that it is she that has a problem, not you. You've done all the right things by getting your HV involved, and although not nice to have witnessed, at least she was there to witness your mum's outburst. As I was reading, all I can think to suggest is an injunction against your mum coming anywhere near you or your property.
It's great that you have good support around you, but maybe moving somewhere else would be better for your son and you. Could you keep to the same area, but just a different address maybe? Do you rent or is it your own? Please keep posting as you'll receive lots of support and advice on here. xx
Thinking of you flammingstar. I really hope you can get an injunction against her. I'm so glad you have a good support network too.
Hi flammingstar
Have you kept a record of all these different ways your mother has harrassed you? If not, please start, it will be vital for an injunction or harrassment order.
It sounds as though you are doing a great job, especially after everything you have been through and the professionals in your life seem to think so too. I am glad you have the support from Womens Aid too.
I notice that your message was posted late Saturday night, were you unable to sleep or were you having a Saturday night in? 
We are here for you flammingstar and if we can help with any parenting techniques, friendship or you just need somewhere for a rant, then just type One Space.
If your mother comes round again and you don't want her at your door, pick up the phone and call the police.
Louise mentioned your mothers mental health. MIND have an infoline open Mon - Fri 9am-6pm and they can support you over the phone. The number is 0300 123 3393. You might consider giving them a call and find out what they can offer you.
Hello flammingstar
What a truly dreadful situation. You have clearly thought through your options in a logical way...as I was reading I was thinking could you get an injunction? is it feasible to move house? is there enough evidence to proceed under the Harrassment Act? how much support have you got from other sources? and your post answereed all those queries. So I would firstly like to say how much I admire the way you have handled this situation to date!
Top priority needs to be to try to get some sort of injunction, and I truly hope your solicitor can help with this. I have not met your mother but it sounds to me as if she may have some mental health problems. Are you in conctact with anyone else that is involved with her? I was wondering if you could express your concerns to them. I am guessing that you are not friendly with the boyfriend, as he also called Social Services. Are you on Income Support? If you get legal aid then maybe you could ask your solicitor whether (in the absence of an injunction) there was a case for taking out proceedings for slander/defamation of character? You will have to take his/her specialist advice on that.
On a day to day basis, you have said that you have a network of support. I was wondering about Home Start, which is an organisation that provides a volunteer to support parents with children under five.....a bit like an extra auntie. Click on the blue link to have a look.
The main thing that comes across in your post, however, is the emotional stress you are suffering. Firstly, do go and have a chat with your GP to see if there is anything to help in terms of lessening the anxiety and/or relieving the symptoms you are experiencing. Before the appointment, write the symptoms down as it can be hard to remember everything once you get in there. Next, look at your daily routine. What capacity is there for breaks for you? Can you ask your friends to take turns in having your son for a couple of hours so you could have some time to yourself. What eould you do with this time? You need to find something that will either relax you (gorgeous bath/favourite music/meditation) OR absorb you so it lets you escape from your feelings.....this depends on what you like doing, anything from a long bike ride to a fab book. Try and get a change of scene, even if it is the book.....go to a cafe or even to the library. Do not use the time to continue worrying: you do enough of that. This is "time off" from everything!!!
You have also begun to worry about whether you are a good parent....in other words what your mum is doing has undermined you. No wonder!! However, let's think of that social services have said, what the Health Visitor has said....they clearly are very satisfied with your parenting. And ALL children your son's age are very demanding and ALL parents sometimes feel like throwing in the towel so do not doubt yourself. Maybe this is where we on this site come in? to give you some parenting support and to know that you are not alone.
So many things in life come down to one skill: holding your nerve. And this is what you must do now, whilst building your safety net around you. We are here for you.