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Parenting specialist

Hi zippy, well done for saying this out loud. That is the first step towards "recovering" from what happened. The realisation that what you thought was love, may actually have been sexual abuse is a terrible shock. It's only when we look back, with the benefit of hindsight that we can see things more realistically. My husband (the boys' dad)abused me too, only I did not see it until years later and it shook my whole concept of myself as a strong, capable woman. Do have a think about whether it would help to talk things over with someone, zippy, such as as a counsellor or on one of the numbers Sally has given.

Bubblegum, you are so right, that word "love" means different things to different people. I am sorry to hear about what happened when you were a little boy. As you know one of my specialisations in my counselling job is working with adult survivors of child sexual abuse. It doesn't follow that it will cause a person massive problems in adult life, in fact stats show that only a quarter will be severely affected but as with everything that happens to us, it shapes our thinking so worth some reflection. Have a look at our article about sexual abuse here. It includes one or two helpful websites etc so may be of use to you.

Parenting specialist

I agree it is important to feel ready before talking it through, one of the numbers might be a good option for you then, as you could stay anonymous. Thank you for sharing it with us and I am glad that it has eased the burden a little.

ok! I said that rather glibly, and then I went and had a look at the link... and the stuff under, 'Effects and ongoing symptoms of childhood sexual abuse'

Many of them sounded very familiar.

: )

But! I do Know! I was not to blame, and with that out of the way...

• self-harming (Only when I was in my teenage years, it stoped when I was around seventeen, eighteen with a slight relaps when I was about, early 30's)

• excessive use of alcohol and drugs (define excessive)

• eating disorders (yes)

• difficulty in forming adult relationships (yes, to the point I don't)

• trust issues (yes)

• high risk-taking (define high risk)

• no risk-taking (? )

• sexual problems (yes, I have little interest in sex)

• nightmares and flashbacks (no)

• anxiety and depression (at times but nothing I would define as problamatic)

• physical complaints (no)

• sleeping problems (no)

• irritability and outbursts of anger (no) (nothing beyond what I would think was normal, sometimes I get angry : ) )

• suicidal thoughts (in the past, to the point that I now recognise them for what they are and pahh! I'll save them untill I have some sort of terminal illness)

• confusion about sexuality (yes, sort of, maybe, at times)

• homelessness (at times)

• criminal behaviour (at times) ^^: )*

• parenting problems (no) (non that I'm aware of anyway, but then how would I know)

But then maybe I'm doing that thing where a hypocondriacts (sp) reads a medical journal and suddenly finds he is suffering from multiple things.

Because I feel fine as me. : )

P.S. This whole post sponsored by point 2

: )

*Rather broad!

Thank you : )

I do sometimes have, there are a couple of images that sometimes come into my head, that I don't like to think. But I've got used to pushing them away, if that makes sense, sort of oops! No! Not going there.

: )

All my relationships, friends and such are superficial, sort of, at a distance, kind of, where I am in control, at least where I feel I am in control anyway, I dunno.

My closest relationships have been with other people who have been abused, my childrens mum being the best example, and that didn't go very well : ) I was very close with her though : )

No nighmares, I sometimes have dreams where I fall madly in love with someone though and then I spend the rest of the dream trying to find them and then I wake up feeling all sad : )

Without having found them.

Thanx again Louise.

: )

yes and your certainly right there are lots of definitions of LOVE. The only one i have found true meaning of was when i had my kids and they loved me back . Thats true LOVE.

Parenting specialist

Hi zippy you are on a journey of self discovery at the moment. The fact that you have expressed yourself on here, shows that you want some clarity and perhaps some closure on that relationship. Its such a terrible feeling when we want for someone who has harmed us, it makes us feel confused and unsure of ourselves. 

First and foremost be kind to yourself, do things that give you a feeling of satisfaction, you might have a look around the internet to see what support you can get from reading different articles and do remember as Louise says, you can stay anonymous if you ring one of those numbers above.

bubblegum, it sounds as though you have got on with your life and found your own way of working through things. However you are also aware that you need to be in control and find it difficult to trust people. Would you consider exploring that more?

Parenting specialist

We are only obliged to give details if a child or adult is at risk and then only to relevant services, we have Safe Guarding procedures that have to be followed like any other support service, as these incidents occurred sometime ago there is no current risk.

What people will take advantage?