Please help! Ex's contact over baby

Hi, I was wondering if anyone is going through, or has been through a similar situation as me and wouldn't mind sharing there experiences. As I'm just so stressed and brought down at the moment. I'm constantly worrying about it.

I fell pregnant in February 2012, with my partner of 3 years, by June he had left me after a number of rows as I was feeling really unsupported in my pregnancy by him and arguements over him giving up the spare room to make a nursery for the baby. Within weeks he was sleeping with the village bike (very out of character for him). Refusing to pay for any half of his responsibilities of living together and knowing full well I could not afford it on my own. The day after finding out about the other girl I went into hospital, 5 days later I had my little girl 4 months early, at only 24 weeks gestation. As soon as i went into hospital he was by my side, with all the sorry's and promises of getting through this nightmare together. We were thrown into a spiral of hospitals and not knowing if my little girl would live.

We finally got her home in late October, and i agreed that he could move back in with us. Everything seems to be ok at first until his mother started to really pressurise me into take my little girl. It was first mentioned when she was still in hospital about a old pram she was going to get refurbished for when she 'has M'. I didn't think anything of it. Then about a week after M was home she put me on the spot asking if she could take M one afternoon to see her mum. I managed to persuade my ex to tell her I wasn't ready for her to go away from me yet. I had waitied so long to get her home and she was still so tiny I just wanted to be at home with her. His mum didn't seem to mind but her answer was 'Ok, I'll just have M when S (Me) goes to the shops so she gets used to me having her'. That matter was forgotten. Until one afternoon she came round for the afternoon - I had started an NVQ with work and the teacher was coming round the following monday afternoon so I could complete it, his Mum used that as an opportunity to say 'I'll have M!' - I kindly said no thank you. She then began asking when I was going back to work - which really upset me as I had already lost 4 months of my maternity leave with M being in hospital, shortening the time I have at home with her. And yes I got 'Well when you go back to work, I'll have M'. Finally, I asked if she would like to do something as a family on New Years Eve -  the response was 'You can go out and I'll have M'. I finished the day not really thinking much of the afternoon. Until 2 days later my ex takes a call from his mother, then tells me she was coming found in half an hour to take M for a walk. I went mad. And yes I admit I probably could have handled things better.

My ex really didn't understand my feelings over all this, I was made to be the bad one and his mother wouldnt speak to me. A few days later he left. He proceeded with a number of days out on the town with known drug users. Staying out until 5am, sleep the whole day and then doing it again. (This is something he has always done when ever we have argued during our relationship). Again refusing to help me financially. Instead of getting resolved the issue got worse as he was asking to take M and I was refusing - saying this is why this has happened because I feel pressurised and I am not yet ready to be seperated from her. Everytime he asked I said but you are welcome to come round to see M she is just not going anywhere at the moment.

 

He apparently went to a solicitors with his father, which he was told he has 50/50 rights and can take M if he likes. I rang my own solicitor and was told I do not have to agree to unsupervised access. But apparenty because my solicitor was refered through Citizens Advice Berau they are incorrect and his solicitor is right. He said he didnt want to go down that route and that he wanted to make it work but I needed to see a doctor because I am 'sick' because of the way I am.

 

A week passed, and one Thursday evening he came home and said 'I'm going out tomorrow night with my brother'. I know his 'going out' isnt a couple of drinks down the pub is an all nighter. He would never get up in the nights to help me as he said he has to go to work (I am more than happy to do the night feeds if ymy partner is working hard during the days as i can try to sleep during the day). But he never rolled out of bed until 12pm. (Him and his Dad run their own company). I asked why he wanted to go out again as he had just had a weekend out the week before. And said it was unresponsible to behave like he hasnt the responsibility of a family. He stormed out and said he is leaving me because i 'control' him.

 

The same arguements carried on over him taking M. I would say no but you can come round for the feed, bath and bed etc routins. He refused saying it was not a good environment us being in the same flat together. I manged to arrange to speak to his parents, and i really wanted to clear things up with his mother as i thought if I explained how she made me feel being a mother herself she would understand. i was really mistakien. She was very spiteful and all her and my ex's father was going on about was letting my ex take M. His father said, I might as well as otherwise it will have to go through the solicitors which will be messy and Im only going to be told i have to hand M over to him by a judge. They wanted M for 2hours on xmas day. But i stood my ground, i wanted to show i would not be bullied, and i felt that because of my ex's behaviour why should i be seperated from my daughter on her first xmas, and i said i would bring her round but i was not leaving. Obviously they made it as arkward as possible for me.

 

All over xmas by ex was out on the town with the know drug users. A few nights he came round to see M for a couple of hours. Where it was perfectly civil. But he has resorted back to the not feeling comfortable being around me. And saying I am the bad one because he cant see his daughter on his own.

 

I did try to put some kind of arrangements for visits in place. I was trying to propose that he come round 2/3 evenings a week for 1/2 hours for M's feed, bath bed routine and start with having M on his own for 1 hour on a Sunday to start with as i felt more comfortable with this. And over time the time he has her can increase when she is more old enough to be seperated from me. although she is nearly 6month she is only 2 months development wise as it goes from her due date not her birth date. But my ex was not happy with this as said he will fight me for 3 full days a week. He works during the week, and when i questioned him having M when he was working, he said he could work from home, but i know he will take her to the factory or leave her with his mother.

 

He did however agree to the 1hour on the Sunday. but after telling him M had a hosptial appointment, and getting no response to this, i asked if he wanted to know how it went and his reply was 'No as i dont want to talk to you and put it in writing'. With this i cancelled the Sunday visit as i did not feel comfortable with him taking her and not being upto date on her cares and refusing to communicate with me over her.

 

Has anyone been in a similar circumstance and what was the outcome when it went to court?

 

Thanks