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hi everyone, i posted on here a while back about being pregnant with an overstayer. bascially we were together a short time, and then he got caught by immigration as his visa had expired. he didnt tell me this when we met.i found out i was pregnant just before he got caught, he was detained by immigration, refused asylum, locked up for 2 months and the returned to his coutry to avoid getting a ban. whilst he was locked up he tried to get me to bail him to my address, marry him, eveyrthing. i felt guilty and for the baby sake i attended a tribunal for him, saying that we were in a relationship for 6 months etc but actually it was only 4 weeks. i lied for him.we tried to win the case with my medical records saying i suffered from depression etc in the past but not now. the judge said he wasnt convinced of his commitment to me and ordered him to go back to his country and return through proper channel.this channel being that he wanted to provide for his child as a parental responsibility after the birth. so when he went back i realised id been conned by him . hes only interested in the child and if its a boy or not.i ended the relationship. and told him id met someone else and we dont have a future etc. he strted sayiing i was a liar etc, now hes turned nasty. hes text this morning and sed he WILL come back for his baby. his brother is a lawyer in his own country (pakistan) and hes said he will come with his brother and do DNA and its his child etc.At the start of knowing him he used to text me constantly saying he was near my home area etc whats my address ect, ie he was a bit of a stalker. now im worried sick. what am i going to do. im thinkingto leave my home and go back to my country which is ireland.im so scared, i dont want him near me, hes a liar and he was caught shoplifiting as well. i have told him its not his kid but hes not having it, and the truth is, he doesnt want to come bk for the baby,he using the baby as a reason to get bk to uk, he didnt have a job, still doesnt, hes a dosser. im so scared. i have text the solicitor we used for his case, to ask can he do this, she is gonna contact me later, he went back and didnt pay her fees. does he have any rights, i have no intention of naming him on the birth certifiacte.hes on about court action and with his brother being a lawyer im worried., or worried he will come back illegally and kidnap the baby. please help me pleease
Hi again. I forgot to say, keep all texts from him. Also change your sim card, and have no contact with him either. No matter what he texts, don't answer him.
hi hazeleyes,
thank u for your reply, im worried sick.i have got family back in ireland but it would break my heart to leave here as my kids are all born here. he has my bank details eveyrhting, but i dont think he had my address back in ireland.im so worried.i evenb paid the soliciotor £300 for him at the start of the case. hes adamant hes coming back and i think hes going to get fake id. he mentioned coming bck before the birth. what am i gonna do, i dont want him near me . he only wants the kid and he kept asking me was it a boy, i said i didnt know and he saying it is, i know it is.. i want ,my son etc. im really scared and i will be loking over my shoulder from now on., i told him if i see him in uk i will phone police. hes not going to leave it. i feel like crying. hes only using me as a step into the uk.i exaggerated my depression etc for the sake of helping him at the tribunal. im scared they will turn it against me now.i want to just run away. i will leave my house if i have to , this man is untrustwortthy and stupid. i know he would stalk me and i dont know what was i thinking. i slept with him 2 times and got pregant. he also had scabies and didnt tell me until after i slept with him,. i didtn get it but had to get treated.what if he sends his brother, the lawyer, he will be allowed into the uk. can he go to court and order a dna test as i have now tild him its not his child,.oh my godd
hazel eyes, thank u ,. i have blocked him on facebook and he was messaging on whats app, so i have blocked him on there. he doesnt message often, just every few days , and only since he knew about the scan,which i told him about 6 weeks ago.since he went bk to pakistan he changed with me and i hardly heard from him.i have told him in no uncertain terms its over. i dont trust him or belive him. i met him on an dating site and after meetig him a couple of times he was still posting his fotos on there and pretending he spoke lithuanian, i suspect he was trying to hook a european woman to marry her for residence in the uk. like i sed only for the baby i would have left him ages ago, but i felt i had to do my best for the baby. i told him the other day in a text i had met somebody esle and leave me alone. he saying that not fair, its my baby, etc etc, but as of now im not contacting ever again. he will not text me as its too expensive for him. he came here over a year ago, his big brother the lawyer paid for him to come to study, but he only studied for 6 months and the college closed down, he was working illegally but the immigration dont know that. im worried the brother will help him again. he told his family lies that we are in a seriuos relationship.i only slept with him twice,. he even got me to get my kids to write letter to judge in the tribunal begging to let him stay, im ashamed of myself. how did i let my hormones rule my head. i feel so so so scared and down,.
i shud add im 21 weeks pregnant now so time is runnign out , im so scared. he knows the expected date of delivery and which hospital.
Hi again. Don't be ashamed for a start donna. What's done is done. The hospital etc, you can always change to another local one if that's what you want to do. Change all your bank details, if you haven't so already. How old are your other children? Have you spoken to the police about this at all? Perhaps this is a good idea, so they then have some background, should he return to this country. If you're concerned for your safety, and not going to leave the house you're in now, you could maybe think about some added security, more locks, an alarm etc. Also a personal alarm that you carry around, so you'll feel safer when leaving the house.
Let us know what the solicitor says later. As for his brother being a lawyer too, this all could of course be made up, so please don't worry.
im thinking that he might come with his brother and start legal proceedings from the uk,. im even conisdering a termination now, thats how much i dont want this man in my life,
hi hazel eyes , id feel a bit silly going to the police but i may have to .would i just inform them that he is planning to come bk illegally? he mentionned before that he was going to islamabad to find a way back,. (when we were on good terms) i asked him was it legally or how could he come bk before the baby is born, he lied and said yes legally, but i know he was looking for an agent to buy fake id to come bk.the other day he had posted on facebook saying he was in islamabad. that was his way of letting me know he is planning to come bk and so after that i blocked him and since then the messages started. his brothers are all working in law as i saw thier facebook profiles.i may have to leave this area now, i cant take the risk that he will turn up. i would sooner die than let him near the child.
Hi donna77, firstly there might not be much you can do at the moment as he is not in the country, and that could take him awhile to sort out, there is also the chance that he won't be allowed back in the country as he is known to border control, you really need some legal advice on what you can do in this situation, i hope your solictor gets back to you soon.
You will need to change your bank details if he has knowledge of them, he should not be able to get to you or your baby at the hospital as maternity wards have strict guidlines about who they let in and you can give them prior notice that he is not to be aloud in.
Keep us posted on what your solicitor suggests?
hi i have very personal experience of this
do not let him back in the country through any kind of relationship or marriage to you
he is just throwing empty threats around, dont beleive them, thats what he wants you to do!! trust me, iv been there, and wish i could turn the clock back!!
hes not to be trusted- his brother is prob a farmer not a solicitor! and even if hes a soliciotr- theres nothing he can do if u dont actually have a relationship ongoing with him
why r u still in touch with him? how is he contacting u? phone/email- change them. address- change it,
close ur facebook etc accounts until all this is over if thats how hes getting at u
write to the home office and give his details and how hes looking for fake id to enter country- send a pic of him and all details,
hi everyone and thanks for all replies. i forgot to mention that he after he was detained by immigration, he applied for asylum and was refused. he was also caught and cautioned for shoplifting which was the reason he came to the attention of immigration initially. do you think he would have a remote chance of being allowed to return to uk after this. i rang CAB and the man informed me firstly as we didnt live together, not married and if his name not in birth cert he has no rights. he said that should he apply for a parental rights order for contact they would look at the babys best interests. he will not know the babys name or date of birth so would this go against him and prove we have had no contact . i have removed him off facebook and blocked his mobile number and his whats app. i dotn think he will try to phone me as it costs money. he has no job and has never worked in his own country , hes 28 and he relies on his brothers for money, he is a bum. im concerned if he applies for parental responsibility can he do this from his own country , and without the name or dob of the baby how can he apply.i think he will need to show he has a means to finanacially suppport the baby, but with no work , could he use his brothers financial support. i wasnt having contact with him on a regular basis since he went bk but i felt sorry for him which is why i kept him on facebook,. he used every trick in the book to get me to feel sorry and help him. sent me fotos a few weeks ago of him on a drip in hospital, making out he was dying, as far as i know he had food poison and he got sent home a few hours later.if he comes back by a fake id, i will have no idea whether hes legal or not so if i see him i will have to call the police. i dotn have his fotos any more as i delted everything but i have his home offcie reference number and name and dob, so could i possibly email border agency and tell them hes planning to come by a fake id,.im not a stupid person and can only blame the pregnnanncy hormones for the error of judgement. the cab said he cant use depression againstme as most people suffer from itnow annd again. i have raised my 3 kids all single handedly, and i dont need his money. i will be on my guard from now on in case he sends somne of his friends to intimidate me. i also have security lights already installed at my house.i cant believe i was so stupid. i will never change my mind about this man.he connned me and even afterwards he wouldnt accept that he had conned me,when all the evidence was therre. he also told me before that he didnt want me doing voluntary work in case i talked to other people and forgot him, what he really means is he didtn wannt people to point out what he had done,. ie conned me. god im so mad right now!! i cant handle a court case.if hhe turns up legally before the birth what will i do? i dont want him near my house.can he do anything before i register the birth? would he have to apply for the parental order and request a dna as i have told him its not his. not ideal i know but better than having my baby abducted.
could he possibly think the border agency would let him bk to the uk to provide for the baby when he has never worked, the judge at the tribunal said how could he expect to find work in uk when hes never been employed. surely if the best interests of the child were for him to be here, the judge would have let him remain in the uk?he has broken the law by overstaying and shop lifting and i dont think they knew he worked illegally.do you think they would consider it in the childs interests to let him have contact. i dont believe he can come bk on a student visa as he overstayed on the previous one. what other way could he come bk legally?i need to be ready for anything.im worried sick that should he get a court order for visits or whatever he will sneak off with the baby. all he wants is a boy, and a british citizen ship. i forgot to say i am having a boy, and im so delighted but he has yeat again ruined my happiness wit worry.,
hi donna, stop panicking
ur ex doesnt have a leg to stand on
pakistan doesnt have the same laws as here so he will not be able to apply for his so called rights there,
what ever information you have send it to the home office , absoloutely everything u have on him, send them copies, keep originals in another place - not ur house. ( isent photo, national ins number, passport num , name x 2, birth dtaes, home office num etc)
if u dont have all this dont worry just send them whatever u have
if u find out in a year or two time that hes back in the uk under a different name, u contact ur local mp and the home office straight away and update them
trust me- hes not got a leg to stand on
stay strong- just dont let him contact u , these men have a way of wheedling into tight spaces with threats and persuasive ideas
x
alot of ur thoughts are 'what if?'
but these things havent happened yet ( ie him coming over, his brother coming over) and they very unlikely to happen, so dont worry, take care of urself and the baby
thank u so much chocolate, yes im panicking. i have been worried sick all day. hes like a parasite and i know him returning to pak is only a stop gap for him, he has had a taste of life in uk and the money and he cant get used to going bk to it.hes probly all bulshit i know but i cant risk it, and with me being pregnant its worrying me ten times over. what is ur situation if u dont miind me asking.i have my kids and i have told them now, just in case they see him in future. they are adamant he will not get near the baby.if hed been honest with me in the start, i wouldnt have touched him with a barge pole.but you live and learn.im determined not to let him ruin the rest of my pregnancy, he ruined the first 3 months, when he was locked up, crying on the phone, telling me he was sick everyday. i know now it was lies, he was looked after in there, he had tobacco, and 3 meals and made new friends and when they issued him with his biometrics id card he was convinced he was getting released as his inmates told him they wouldnt give it to him if he wasnt getting out, he is very gullible. i think immigraton where after him before he met me, and he wanted to move in with me to escape them , but he didnt have money to change his address and pay rent. i belive his friends advised him to find a european woman annd have a kid to stay in uk,. and with me being irish he thought i was european,but im british, so there u have it :((
First of all calm down !! You are safe at the moment ...and as long as you take the right precautions you will remain safe ! You really need to get the police involved ,you need to tell them of his empty threats ..how do you know his brother is a lawyer ? Why did he need to come to England ? He sounds full of it ......please don't get worked up over this daft man ,he cannot do anything to you ....i think we have all told you that ,i really hope it sets your mind at ease a bit ...
Tomorrow is another day ,hopefully it will not be so manic ...good luck hun ..hang in there !
((((( HUGS)))))
unless he actually gets back into the country which is very unlikely , u dont have to worry.
my situation- married guy from abroad, fell pregnant, found out he had fake id and fake evrything!
after he got his indefinate leave to remain he strarted becoming very nasty. i kept quiet for the sake of my litlle ones. he applied for his citizenship and became abusive. then we split a about a year later.
ur lucky in a way that u didnt get as involved as i did and found out before u got married. dont let him contact u , dont get in touch with him, any threats record them , go police, get an injunction if u need it,
and breathe and enjoy the rest of ur preganancy - he is literally thousands of miles away with a very slim chance of getting back in, and even if he gets in hel be caught again.
Hi Donna77, hope you are feeling calmer today.
The others are right, this man is thousands of miles away. You have learned what he is like and are now on your guard. I don't know if you have contact with any other members of his community who may now be living in the UK but if you do, you need to cut yourself off from them too, however nice they may appear (remember the father of your baby appeared to be very charming at one stage!)
So here is your action plan:
1. Contact the Home Office, as above
2. Wait for your solicitor's appointment
3. Make sure that all avenues of contact are cut off between you and this man
4. Change your bank account
5. Remember that all this stress is bad for you AND the baby and stop panicking, you are safe and you are doing everything that you can
hello everyone, thank you for your replys.
i have spoken to the solicitor who dealt with our case initially, and its mixed news. she has said if he applys to come to exercise his parental rights that he will need the birth certificate and his name will need to be on it. this is a definite no for him . he also wil not have the babys name or date of birth for the form. so he would have to go to court for a contact order. he can only do so from within uk. whcih would mean entering with a different visa as he has been banned for 12 months(with the exception of the parental rights visa).i can then deny the child is his, and he would have to go to court to request paternity test , which she explained takes time and money.so basically at the moment if he hasnt got the birth certifcate he cant do anything. if he came back by a different visa in 12 months he can start the ball rolling, provided she said he can find me. she agreed that a move may hinder things for him somewhat if i cant be found. she said that i shouldnt block contact with him and use his meesages as evidence in court if it comes to it. im afraid i cant do this. hes blocked on facebook and whats app. if he wants to text message then so be it. but can they penalise me in court for blockin him on facebook and whats app, surely if he wanted contact he could phone or text message. she said they dont care in the family courrt about his immigration status , they will want best interests of the baby and if thats him being involved they will grant it.i asked if his brother can fund him , she said i could argue in court that he doesnt have an income, how did he come by the money in his account to suppport himself. im really really upset. this isnt what i wanted to hear. i am determined that i will put every obstacle in his way to keep him away.she said theres no immediate risk and without the birth certtificate he cant do anything. i have had a freind request on fb thismorning from his sister in law and now had to deactivate my account. i checked my kids facebook and he has friend requested them??its all starting. im in bits . feel like running away to be honest. she said if i see him in the country before the next 12 months im to call the police and state that i belive hes here illegally, and they will arrest him and send him back. what am i going to do, he starrted already.
about the bank account he only has my sort code and account number so i doubt he can do much harm with out access to any pin numbers or passwords. im starting to feel very very unwell, i didnt sleep all last night, spent the night looking up google for advice.
How old are your other children ? And hun, you have done all the right things so please stop stressing yourself ,it is no good for you and the baby .I cannot believe that this person is intimidating you from another country ? Its absurd !
Everyone is advising you ,please take some of it and stop stressing out ...don't let them get to you hunni ..be strong ..you have your other kiddies to think about ,they need there mummy :)
All the best ,Bonkers ..
hi bonkers my other kids are 14.11, and 7. they are great kids and i cant stop stressing since i have seen he freind requested the younger ones on fb. and the friend req from the sister in law this morning.im scared he will come bk n take the baby , and also angry that hes using me to come bk to the uk. its not fair.i cant concentrate on anything else.
Oh dear ,he is really doing a number on you isn't he :( Can i say this without being rude ,should your kids have FB accounts at that age ? I would most certainly delete them and make sure they do not get involved in his game ...
Hun ,he cannot just waltz back here and take the baby !We have different laws here ,he has NO right if the name is not on the birth certificate so please don't threat ...you are letting yourself get all worked up even though you have been told he can do nothing ..awwww please calm down .....
Home office is the next step ....one step at a time ...
Hang in there :)
thanks bonkers, i will try and calm down. the two younger kids only play games on facebook and i supervise them , as most of ther friends at school also do. your right he cant waltze in, its just the fear that i might have to move and relocate.i will try annd remain strong and in control for the kids. i just think he has informed all the members back home now that im an ogre and got them on side to fight for him. i had no contact with any of his family or friends. i will try and calm down, i will really. but its hard. and my pregnancy hormones arent making it any easier.would i be wise to mention it with my midwife and let her know how stressed i am about it. i dont see her though for a few weeks
By all means mention this to your midwife but as a completely non-medical person I can tell you that you need to calm down, you need to rest. Staying up all night will do no good to any of you. If you are finding it difficult to sleep then go and see your GP to see if there is anything you can take which won't harm the baby. But even if you cannot sleep, lying down and concentrating on your breathing while you play some soothing music will do you far more good than 12 hours on the internet.
Your solicitor has to be honest with you, that is her job. Keep any threats you get but moving you AND the children off facebook is a good idea, in my opinion.
As for moving, of course you don't want to do this but at least that might be a remedy further down the line and better than the alternative (but thinking about this is a long time away now)
ONLY YOU can take action to calm yourself, no-one else can do it for you... and this is what you need to concentrate on
I would like to add that this man is not superman is he ? He has no superpowers ok? You are safe your baby and children are safe yes?
You are not thinking straight homey I believe your fear is overtaking your rational thinking here.
Just slow down a little ... Breath
If you don't you are going to make yourself I'll, your kids need you so start to gather yourself for their sake if not for your own x
thank you everyone . im a bit calmer now, i de activated fb,so will just log in when i need it. all his family are blocked .i have just had my hall n landing decorated and got new flooring coming monday so will concentrate on that. also going to view new school for the 2 youngest on monday. its scarey all these changes., new schools, new baby, and then this stress. i had posted on another topic that id met somebody , well we are in contact every day , but i havent actually had the free time to meet up with the kids being off. im not interested in getting involved but i need some company and support, and hes a lovelly chap.i havetn got any close mates any more as the ones i had betrayed me, and im such a private person, i dotn like to impose on people.i have text my father earlier wich took a lot of courage as he lives bk home and i dont like to ever let him see im not strong. he replied with a reassurign text n told me not to worry just now, as he might be bluffing. i also have my best mate bk home and we speak every day on fone.she knows about it all. so im so glad i can come here and have a rant, id explode if i didnt have ur support on here, so thank u so much xxx
if i was u i would get another phone to use daily and keep the one that has his threats coming in a drawer hidden away, that way u dont have to read them everyday. or better still for ur emotional welfare and babys id get rid of that number all together so he cudnt contact u, even if solicitor has said to keep threats.
i found that cutting all contact all together was like a breath of fresh air!
hi donna ive just read ur thread, i understand ur fear,ive got myself all worked uplike u, and on edge and in fear and not thinkin proper, if u av timeread my thread on ere on edge, my ex made all sorts threat,most empty threats but stil worried me,im in middle court procedings, at the moment he aint allowed any sort of contact with my dawter, she is 2 half,his nam eis on birth certifacta wish it wasnt, police warned me not to put it on, i also av ad locks changed, alarms on all my windows,and night light in garden, victum support did it, ope ur ok, try not to get to worked up, easier said i no cos i did samex
hi kiera, im sorry for what u have gone through, u sound really brave and strong.
well i didnt sleep last night, everything playing on my mind. so i unblocked him and sent him a final message, explaining that the child wasnt his, the 12 week scan didnt match up with our dates and it was my exes. i give him a few more reasons for things such as i attended is tribunal in immigration because i felt sorry for him and i knew he had no chance to get released etc. i said i didnt mean to hurt anyone and i wish him all the best. he respnded immediately, totally patronising me, saying its ok my love i understand . but its my baby and i know it is, and im sending my brother to the uk to go to court for me , and i have contacted friends in uk they will help me and baby, he went on to say i know im not allowed back for my son???(i didnt tell him the gender)but he sed his brother will tell the court let the baby go to pakistan otherwise let his father come to the uk. he said that he is praying for me, but i chose this way and i dont know who he is , but where his son (and he named him by his own name ) is involved he will not give up. i said if u feel the need to go to court then go ahead.,and take care.he also sed dont block me , because the court will think ur a liar. i said im blocking u now because your nothing to do with me or the child. good bye,. and i blocked him. sooo i have been panicking. i rang a family law solicitor this morning and she is gonna get back to me. i told her the basic on the phone, and its possible the brother may try to come and get residence or parental responsibility, i said as im denying hes the father he would need to get a dna test done which cant be done outside of the country. she said it doesnt matter if hes a solicitor as its in a different country. but basically she said she is going to check the finer details annd get bk to me , maybe tomorrow. now im worried sick. i dont want to ever see him again.,i finally got the proof though in the message , he sed he wants his son in pakistan if he cant come here. where is that in the babys interests, to lose 3 siblings a a mom, she asked had i any involvemt with social services with my kids , and i never have.im worrying even more now.if i move house, he has all my details, name , dob, passport number etc from the immigration tribunal.im in bits. please someone reassure me. im so so upset. the thought of having to look over my shoulder for god knows how many years is killing me. also if a court does allow conatact how can i EVER trust him after this ,message about pakistan.he tried to use me to stay in uk,and now he cant he wants the baby as it will be a british citizen, if he cant have the uk passport he wants the baby.he text me as if i was sick mentally and said he was praying for me , but this was all my doing ,. and see me in court/.
hi hun please please don not txt or contact this man,ive bin there, u think ur sendin just one txt but it ends up him replyin and ur drewn back in to his m,ind games,block him totally, u cud say hes not the dad til ur blue in the face he wil stil say its his, he isnt a normal human being rem,ember, u prob feel worse now dont u, i always did when i wanted to txt him one last time, court is stressful ive ad 3 hearings now,want it over with, my ex isnt a nice man, u av rights hun, at least u wont b putin his name on birth certifacate,and hes in another country, and he sounds like liar l;ike my ex,
and my ex also put up fake profile on fb, ive closed my account now, u shud do the same, block all contact hun
Hi Donna77
First of all well done for calling a solicitor they are best to advise you and I hope she gets back to you soon, I think an appointment would be good if you can still get a free 30 min app with all the legal aid changes I'm sure you can.
Obviously I'm no solicitor but I'm really not sure his brother can attend court in his place, I'd be asking that question to her when she gets back to you( make notes of things to ask her)
Right ok if he lived in the uk he'd have all odds against him to get residency of the child he's got not a chance honey of getting residence order and taking this child to live in another country it's not going to happen your the mum, courts do not remove a child inless there's serous harm to the child that's not relevant so do t worry about that.
IMO I think he's trying to scare you, if he's not talking out his backside and has intentions of trying to enter the country and start residency proceedings simply let him try,wish him luck infect because he's got no chance honey.
If you don't here back from the solicitor chase her up or get onto another you need advice from someone who understands the imagration laws.
But in the time being please do not worry this is hot air, if any of his woffle does materialize we will deal with that then.
Hi donna77
You need to remember what the solicitor you have already spoken with has told you, unless he has a birth certificate right now, there is not alot he or his brother can do.
Stressing yourself about what he may or may not do is not good for you or your children, i can understand that you are worried about him turning up and taking your baby, but your baby is not here yet so for now that is something that you should try not to worry about, and if he or his brother or family do happen to turn up call the police.
You are doing the right thing in seeking legal advice as they are the people that can advise you about this situation, try not to engage in any more correspondence with him as this will only end up making you more anxious as he will keep making statements that will upset and worry you and that is his intension.
I hope you are now feeling more reassured and you are able to get a good sleep tonight.
thank u sally. I intend to follow that advice. the reason i messaged him was becuase the other day i said it wasnt his baby. i knew he wouldnt belive it. so i messaged and give logical reasons behind everything that happened so that he might actually believe it. i have blocked him and intend it to stay that way. howver on the bright side i have the proof in the message now about him wanting the baby in pakistan, i never even mentioned it. he blurted his plans out,, so i know what hes planning now.
the solicitor i rang today deal only in family law, and the woman was lovelly, she has got me an appointment for tomorrow afternoon, for half an hour free advice. she mentioned a prohibited steps order further down the line as i fear him abducting my baby.
i had a bad day today emotionally, was so stressed out and worried. i had a good cry earlier and feel a bit better.im feeling that i have lost this baby already and im scared to love it now, in case i lose it forever.im trying to hold things together. the kids havent helped as the older one is adamant she doent want to move to my country, which is a fair point , but if i have to what other choice do i have. he said in the text that one of his brothers frineds in uk is going to help him n the baby, but sed in the next text he knows he cant come bk to the uk, but his brother is gonna come annd fight for him? so maybe these friends are gonna give him accomodation in future swo he can take me to court . anyway i will know more tomorow, i know its all what ifs and maybes. but i want to be prepared. my 2 youngest are so excited about the wee baby coming they will be heart broken if he was took away, we have even chosen his name.which will all be top secret. im worrying about the future, im evern thinking to change my name by deed poll. i must protect my family from this liar. he has shown no thought for my kids if he wants to take the baby to his country. after all the help i give him, with regard to his human rights claim whilst in detention, he has turned round and done this and hes in the wrong. he was illegal when he met me and knew waht he was doing, im so sorry for waflling, but i need to get it off my chest. im so wound up again.
these things you are worrying about are very very unlikely to happen
dont message him or get in touch with him or anyone he knows. be wary of any emails/texts u get. change ur number and email and close all social networking accounts, that would be the best thing to do.
Hi donna77, I have just been reading through this thread and can see the heightened state of panic you are in.
However I want highlight the important things that you have said, hopefully to help you see the sitatuation more clearly.
Your solicitor has said, there is no immediate risk:
he is banned from entering the UK for 12 months
if you see him within the next 12 months you call the police and they will arrest him and send him back.
After 12 months he will need to come back to the UK to try for a contact order, however if he applies for a visa to come to exercise his parental rights, his name will need to be on the birth certificate.
- however he doesn't have or won't have the birth certificate and also he will not know your baby's name or date of birth
You aren't going to lose this baby forever he is yours. This man is trying to scare you and he has done a good job. I know your hormones are all over the place, but it is time to try and gain some control back.
Stop all contact, get as much info as possible and believe that your little family will be fine and IF anything starts up, you will call the police, immigration and your MP.
Let us know how your appointment goes this afternoon :)
Hi everyone,
Im back again.Well since my last posts, i sought advice from solicitors who informed me i had given him a step into the uk.But all advised me no immediate risk and to relax .I was trying to, and i emailed my local mp, who told me she will look into the matter with the home office and get me some advice about my rights etc and i havent heard back from her yet. However ,although i have delted facebook, if i log in within 2 weeks i can still check other profiles. so I logged in tonight and checked on his wall, (im not on his friennd list any more as i removed him ages ago, ) and he has posted saying hes gonna be back in the uk within 2 weeks.it was posted about 4 days ago?? what am i gonna do?? i know he didnt write it , thinking i would see it.I am absolutely terrified.he knows my due date and where im going to have the baby. I cant move as i have no money.What am i gonna do. i feel like i want to die right now.I have emailed the mp again but im assuming she wont see it until monday. I cant tell my kids as they will be terrified.He has also channged his appearance and resembles his brother.He could either be coming on his passport or illegally.If hes back before the birth he will either stalk me or try to get his name on the birth certificate. I cant allow this to happen. im in a very bad place now.i was doing so well and i was ok.now im stressed and worried sick. he knows where my kids go to school, he will be watching me. and i cant prove he was banned as it apparently said in the home office letter that he had to return to his country and he could come back to rejoin me in a few months but he has to come through proper channels, though at the time the solicitor had said it was a standard letter and he would be banned.??
hi everyone,
im still not feeling any better, and i hardly slept all night.going out of my mind with worry. i have emailed another solicitor,one who does both immigration and family law.i just cant see how he could come bk legally so soon when he was told to go bk only less than 3 months ago? can he do anything after the birth but before i have chance to register the birth, to ensure his name goes on the birth certificate.i want to run away, but i cant. i cant afford to, and my children are at important stages of their schooling.im at my wits end really, i regret having this baby all because of him.i have got a name for him and everything and my kids refer to the baby by the name now,.its breaking my heart the fact that this parasite is gonna get his hands on the baby i have been carrying.if i see him , how can i call the police if i cant be sure he is here legally or not, i dont want to look like a fool.but he MUST be coming illegally,otheriwse how would he get a visa so quickly after being sent back for overstaying? can anyone advise pls.
Please try to stay calm, donna77.
Whether he is in the country legally OR illegally, you can call the police if he harrasses you. Have a word with the school and warn them about the possibility of him hanging around.
Have you been in touch with Women's Aid? (click) They will be able to give you some emotional support and advise you if you are eligible for a refuge place, which may be in another town, and that may be all to the good.
Please try to stay calm, donna77.
Whether he is in the country legally OR illegally, you can call the police if he harrasses you. Have a word with the school and warn them about the possibility of him hanging around.
Have you been in touch with Women's Aid? (click) They will be able to give you some emotional support and advise you if you are eligible for a refuge place, which may be in another town, and that may be all to the good.
Thanks Louise,
however without any proof as yet i cant do anything really. I cant go to a refuge, as i went to one 7 years ago for different reasons and my eldest daughter has made it clear she doenst want to go to one again.I also lost everything that time, and have spent the last 7 years slowly replacing all our belongings. I feel so depressed and used.I am also so angry with this man and myself for putting myself in this situation.I cant focus on anything else now and im scared to tell my kids as a few weeks ago when we were worried about him coming back my eldest daughter refused to go to school as she was worried for my safety and we had the welfare woman on our case. now i have reassured her and got her back in school, if i tell her it will happen all over again.I have considered moving back to my country to be near my family but yet again, think my eldest wont agree to come. 
How old is your eldest? It is not for her to agree or not to come, if she is under 16. I totally understand you don't want to lose everything by going into a refuge. The three options seem to be:
a. take the legal route (which you have enquired about)
b. move to somewhere else
c. get help to go into a refuge
I would say that a. is the best plan and if it does not work then consider b. There isn't really anything else I can suggest at this stage in terms of practicalities.
I do hear that you are angry not only with him but also yourself for being in this situation and I imagine that is compounded by you knowing you have got yourself in a decent place after being in the refuge before. Anger is a strange emotion: on one hand it can give you energy to do what is needed to help your situation but on the other hand it can eat away at you. Being angry with yourself is not really achieving anything right now so how about saying to yourself: I know I have made a mistake but I can't undo that now...what I need to do is to decide how best to move forward.
Take good care of yourself and I hope the new solicitor has some more hopeful news for you 
hi donna how are u, mayb the refuge is ur sefeest option , tht man even cums nr u or u see him nr the school u ring the police u av to,and he cant jsut get his name on a birth certificate just like tht, u av to b present,u dont av put his name on certificate, doubt any court wud evenm giv his the rights , i sumtimes feel angry when i was with my ex, im in middle court procedings now, my ex isnt allowed any contact at all with our littl egirl so far, thank god,ope they dotn giv him contact, scares me tht courrts myt do, he as history of violencex
Hi Donna. Welcome back. I realise you're worried sick, but for now, this man isn't in the country, so wait and see what the solicitor says later. Tell her everything, how you lied by saying how long you were in a relationship for etc. You don't have to put his name on the certificate, but he could still go to court for parental rights, but again, don't worry on this one just yet. He might not be able to return to this country anyway. His brother may be a lawyer, but again, he is in a different country.
Do you have friends/family back in Ireland? How would you feel about going back there to live? Would this man have an address there? Sorry for all the questions.
Please keep posting, and we'll all be here to support you.