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Hello....!
I'm currently 30 weeks' pregnant and am alone since the Father
left about 4 weeks' ago. We were arguing a lot because I was getting fed up
with him not doing anything, going out for 72 hours' and ignoring me and lies
about money and not contributing to any of the bills etc.
Anyway, I'm now on my own and I know it's the best thing but I feel very alone
and although friends say that they are 100% there for me, when it comes to the
crunch they have their own lives to lead and I do understand that but it doesn't
stop the feeling of despair I'm having about the future and also getting things
done in the present. I am spending my days and nights crying, I've been to the
Doctor and he is referring me to a Psychiatrist who I'm hoping will provide me
with the stability mentally that I need before my daughter arrives.
I'm also debating whether to include the Father's name on the
birth certificate. I would always tell my daughter who her Father was and not
stop her seeing him if she wants to when she gets a older but I am scared of
the interference I will get in the early days.
I would love some advice from someone who's been in a similar
situation and hopefully some news that there will be light at the end of the
tunnel!
Thanks :)
Welcome HeidiThomas,
I love that analogy Louise...yes, it's like a big table with everyone chatting round it...
Hi Louise,
Thank you for your response :) I will check out the links you have sent through for sure.
I have got some counselling support in the mean time but because of the popularity of the service, I can't see someone until 25th October which feels like an age away right now.
I hope to hear from people who have some good advice.
Thanks,
Heidi
Yes 25th WILL feel like ages but in the meantime you have us now and if you get low and need to talk, don't forget the Samaritans on 08457 909090. They have helped me out of a few bad patches, I can tell you!! 
Hi HeidiThomas. Welcome along to One Space, or the big kitchen hehe. Congratulations on your pregnancy, not long to wait until you meet your beautiful daughter
I was on my own through the pregnancy, my son is now 9, and it's still just the two of us. I love it. The Father hasn't had any input in C's upbringing. He hasn't ever been there, and C has only met him on two visits. C is well balanced, extremely bright, full of confidence, and really is a wonderful child (of course we have our moments)! It hasn't always been easy, but I'm talking financially rather than emotionally. I chose to stay at home, so have relied on benefits, and yes there are times when it's b***** hard, but you learn to juggle. As for the name on the birth certificate. The father didn't want to know anyway, so he couldn't be named on it, as if you're not married, the father has to be present. I'm glad if I'm honest, as C's father doesn't have Parental Rights, unless he chose to go to court (which he never has).
Do you think your ex will want to be involved in the baby's life? Do you think he'll contribute to her upkeep?
Please keep posting, as we're all here to give you support. Am sure Louise will get the biscuits out soon 
Am out of custard creams so am nipping to the shop 
Hi Heidi
Plenty of custard creams...
Hi Hazeleyes, thank you for sharing your experience with me.
I'm not sure if my ex will want to be involved in my baby's life as he doesn't respond to my calls so I just leave it now, I know his family do though which gives me the creeps because as far as I'm concerned I hardly know them and I wouldn't trust them with my daughter, plus I don't know if they would then take him to her etc. I also asked him about money and he ignored me.
I'm prepared to go it alone and struggle without financial support from him but there's also a part of me that feels it's so unfair that he gets away with so much.
Does anyone know whether he still has to pay even if his name's not on the birth certificate?
Thank you,
Heidi
Yes, he will still need to provide child support money whether he is on the birth cerificate or not.....although he may then dispute paternity and you might get into a prolonged wrangle and a DNA test. He could then apply to be put on the certificate, although he would have to pay for a court order for this, but of course if he had had a DNA then he has proof positive.
Have a look at this, about legal rights and responsibilities and child support
Hi HeidiThomas. C's father doesn't pay anything. He now lives in Spain, and when I rang the CSA, after checking everything out, they couldn't persue him because of his locality. I don't honestly know much about CSA, but yes, he still should pay even if he isn't on the birth certificate.
As for his side of the family, as you don't them very well, personally I wouldn't leave my child with them. I guess if you're prepared to do this, then you could always stay with your baby daughter on visits. As the father isn't showing any interest anyway, and again, if you're prepared to go it alone, (again, personally) I wouldn't even let them know when the baby is born or anything. I would wait and see if they contact you.
C's paternal nan lives 2 mins from me, and he doesn't even know what she looks like. She didn't want to know. The paternal grandfather lives locally too (they are divorced). When I contacted him when C was 4 years old (I needed to find the father for C), he was over the moon that he had a grandson, but as soon as I mentioned meeting up in a park or something, so he could meet C, he suddenly switched, and simply said 'oh no, I don't want to get involved in any of this'. The jerk, his loss!! As far as I'm concerned, C had grandparents on my side, but unfortunately he never met my Dad, and my Mum passed away when C was just 2 and half, but I keep her memory alive for him, and chat about my Dad etc. He doesn't need paternal grandparents who don't give a monkey about him. My son is worth more than them anyday!
Hello
When I got pregnant my husband became a stranger. We went
for counselling and he said that baby and I no longer fit into his new
lifestyle and he wants to enjoy his freedom.
It’s very hard to be left alone when pregnant.
Very very hard.
I had support of my family and I moved in with them. So in
away I was lucky. But you know it was still hard.
Emotionally and psychologically. I was constantly depressed
and crying. But you know when my daughter was born it was just magical. I
allowed my husband to be present at birth because I though he will change his
mind after seeing her – no effect!
Now she is 2 and a half and I couldn’t be without her ever.
I think it wouldn’t be as easy to get over my husband if she
was not here.
But since she was born I pretty much don’t care where and
whom he is with.
She is all I need. My sunshine. My angel. My love.
And you will be just fine – trust me. It will all go away
after she arrives. Yes you will struggle bringing her up without a father but
nothing is as hard as it is now that you are pregnant. It gets better and
easier.
Take care
Hi HeidiThomas
Welcome along to the 'table', got any bourbons Louise and can I have another coffee please?
I believe that if you want the father on the birth certificate, then he has to be there. My ex was on my daughters. I gave her his surname too. Big mistake. We were together, but the relationship was very volatile.
I have sinced changed my daughters name at school and the doctors etc and she has declared that for her 18th she will changed it officially via deed poll.
So as your ex is not being supportive in this instance, I would consider leaving him off. This is your life now. You and your girls future will be great! There probably will be a financial struggle, but all worth it in the end.
I once asked for money from the ex and he gave me £80, that evening he created an arguement and took it out of my purse. So I never asked for another penny. He got everything all my furniture, even my clothes.
All I am trying to say is that if you don't feel he wants any part in this new life that is about to happen, try not to waste too much of your energy wanting or believing it. Focus on you and your beautiful girl to be. Congratulations by the way!!
Hello HeidiThomas
Congratulations on your pregnancy but I am sorry that things are so difficult in other ways. There is lots of support and help here. Hope you will soon feel at home here, I always think of it as a big kitchen table.....so pull up a chair
Glad you have been to the doctor about how you are feeling. There may be a very long wait for a psychiatrist and maybe some counselling support would help in the meantime?
Re the birth certificate, it is up to you; many mums choose not to name the father if they are separated. Read this article about Parental Responsibility(click the blue link)
Have you sorted things out moneywise? If you need help with this, you can contact our resident Money Expert.
How would you feel about joining your local National Childbirth Trust, to meet others who are pregnant and with young babies in your area?
There are others who have been in your situation on here and they will also give you some words of encouragement