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hi, im new to his site, and im so glad i found it as im going out of my mind. im 35 got 3 lovelly kids,ages between 14-7 i have raised them all alone,but have had support from various friends and ex partners over the years. they are all from different partners and they dont have contact with them as they didnt want to know and its not an issue for me.i have suffered from depression for more than ten years, but finally got the strength to come off anti depressants over a year ago. i changed my life completely, felt i was stronger than ever, got rid of all the friends i had as they were toxic and making me feel worse. i stopped having meaningless relationships. i done some courses online and started doing voluntary work. i felt human again. i moved to a new area a few years ago and people dont like me since i fell out with the toxic friennds. its one of these areas where everyone went to school together and they all know each other. so basically i live in isolation and i take my kids out of the area to school as we dont associate with anyone here. my kids never play out or mix with people here.
anyway,,,, about 6 months ago, i had a whirlwind romance with a man from another country , and i am now pregnant. howver he wasnt entirely honest with me about his immigration status and it turns out he was an over stayer.he was arrested shortly after i realised im pregnnant and after being locked up for 2 months he had to return voluntarily to his country, as we didnt have the money for high court and in addition we didnt have enough proof of the relationship. it all happened very quickly and i now feel like my world is falling apart.
i have no friends or family to turn to for emotional support. i have stopped my work as i was so unwell mentally and morning sickness was bad. i told one of my bosses and whilst she was sympathertic asked me wasnt i using protection. i felt so ashamed and judged,. i love this man, but not enough to marry him. i have never been married and grew witnessing domestic violence so i dont think i will ever marry. i have only had him for support and we chat every day since he went back, and message each other.I dont think he wiilll ever be allowed back as there is no visa route he can use. the only possiblity is if he exercised his rights as a parent, as it is, i would have to fax him a statutory declaration to sign , in order to get his name on the birth certificate.then he could apply to come to say he wants to care for the child. i dont know him very well, thats the thing. should i risk even putting his name on the certificate. what if he came by some miracle and then took my child/?i have read about these things a lot , children being abducted. im so lonelly, i cry a lot, but i will not go back on antidepresants. im currently seeing a spiritual chaplain for some help , only had one session so far, but next one soon. i have had several lots of counselling over the years annd the gp makes u feel like ur imposing on them if u ask for more. i havent actually met my proper midwife yet and im 16 weeks.i doint know what to do. in addition i now have to changge my kids schools as its gonna be to far to travel on public transport when im further along in pregnancy.that means i will have to place them locally. i will have to mix with locals who hate me and will talk about me . im so scared. now my bouyfreind is feeling so low , as he has realised how hard it will be for him to come back , he is saying that he doesnt want to live without me etc. im starting to get angry with him and im so angry with myself, at my age i should know better. im scared about gettin to the hospital as i have nobody to help me. i am ashamed to ask for help as i try to come across as someone who is strong and in control and im a proud person.i also have nobody to ask.im happy about the baby , overjoyed but the guilt i feel because he ,may never get to see his baby in the flesh is inreal.
please no nasty comments , as im so low i cant cope with them. i know i got myself in this situation., i am able deal with it, its just the loneliness and isolation. my kids have no idea how iim feeling and they must never know.
thanks xx
hi hazeleyes,
thank u so much for your reply. well my boss didnt mean any harm i think it was just the way i interpreted it.i cant really move, as im in a council property and scared of losing the security of my tenancy.. im on my own and the thought of a move is just too much. i have bitten the bullet andjust rang my boss from the voluntary work and asked her could i come bk. she overjoyed and said yes , so that willl definitely help my self esteem as i dont want to sit feeling sorry for myself.thank u again
Hi again donna. So pleased that you plucked up courage to call your boss. You're right, it will help your self esteem too 
As for the move, maybe if you still feel the same once the baby is born, you could put in for a transfer? I do understand about the upheaval of it all though.
When do you start back to work?
thank u hazel eyes,
im back next week, and im so glad i did.otherwise i will end up isolating myself totally. i have signed up for the lifecoaching on here as it might give me a bit of clarity on how i can make things better in my life. im tired of running away from problems. i need to stay and face up to things or im gonna be lonelly forever. i have had close mates over the years but when things have gone wrong i have ran away and blocked them from my life. they werent good mates to begin with and i know that now as i had no self esteem and thought i was lucky to have anyone!! luckily i know im better than that and id rather be a loner than stuck with someone whos not of the same morals as me.im a good person and i think i will hold out for the same sort of friends. im feeling much more positive now, and im hoping it will last , its usually at night the thinking turns sour, when i cant sleep and a million worries going through my mind, im so glad i came on this site, its great!
Hi Donna. I think most of us here would say that the evenings are the worst. It's a bit like when you're ill, you feel worse (don't know why) You're right about friends too. I've held on to some simply because they were there at the time, but now I've realised they weren't true friends. We live and learn don't we? I'm really pleased you're feeling more positive at the moment. Glad you found the site too, as it really is great, and the members are terrific too, as well as the parenting specialists, who have heaps of information.
hi donna well i have 4 kids with different partners, great kids, im on my own again, domestic violence involved,im 41, i shud no better ,just me and kids, ur not on ur own hun, keep cumin on one space, ive bin cumin on for a year, x
Hi donna77 and welcome to One Space from me
Hopefully you have already guessed that we are a nice bunch who don't hold judgement.
May I too congratulate you on your pregnancy, you say that you feel overjoyed, so that is the bit to focus on.
Unfortunately I know of a number of people who have become pregnant with overstayers and the feeling of being used is not uncommon. You will never know the reason for your relationship, but it sounds as though while you were together, it was good for you. So don't forget that.
As for putting him on the birth certificate, I would think long and hard about it. You say that you don't know this chap too well, so are unsure of his motives. It sounds as though he wouldn't have any money to abduct your child, however that connection that you would create legally is everlasting and you need to question whether you want that responsibility.
I am so pleased that you contact your workplace and also the great reception that you received! You were obviously missed!
You have talked about friends that you have decided to loose contact with, but I am wondering if you have any family that you can rely on? Mum, brothers, sisters, cousins?
It sounds as though you were doing really well when you stopped taking the anti depressants and started voluntary work, you will get to that place again, find local groups that you can join ie mums and bumps etc, there are bound to be other people in your community who are feeling the same as you do right now.
As for night time, always easier said than done, but try not to worry. Say to yourself that you will 'worry' for 10 mins, then let it all go because as you know, worrying doesn't change/help/fix anything. Or you might like to write it all down, then close the book and choose to think about something else. Do you like reading?
Just quick hello from me as Anna has written you such a comprehensive post. No way will you be judged, and no-one is allowed to be horrid here 
hi, i have personal experience of marrying someone from abroad who wasnt honest. please dont put his name on the birth certificates and do not call him or help him to enter the country again. please!!
if hes really sweet and charming as my ex was please dont think hes trustworthy or honest as well! i know you prob dont want to hear this as he seems to be one source of comfort for you but i dont want you or anyone to go through the sticky mess i did and still am going through xxx hugs to you
hi i regret putin my ex name on birth certificate, police warned me not to, but i didnt listen, now i no hwy ex rush me to get it done, 4 days after my birth then i didnt see him for weeks and he got 3 copies, sly and devious
thank you so much to all of you who replied to me. im feeling more positive today and i will not be rushing into any decisions with regard to the birth certificate. i have 6 months left to get used to the changes so i will take it one step at a time. the first thing is channging the kids school. im worried about this,cos having to mix with new people at the school. i went to see a school today, from the outside and plan to try and do it in the next few weeks. when im heavily pregnant i wont be able to travel on buses too far so this is only a 10 minute ride, compared to the current 45minutes. my daughter doing sats in may so need to do it before then. it will be so hard for me.i feel quite anxious about it. but i have to.i will reply in more detail when i get time later and again im so greatful to all your replies and hope to make some good companions on here !! love to u all x
by the way Kiera, im so glad to know im not the only one with 4 kids to different fathers. people are quick to judge,the problem for me was finding out what they were really like when it was too late. luckily i had the sense to get rid of the first 3 , i realsied i deserve better !!
Yes donna77 youdo derserve better, time now to concentrate on you and the children. The birth certificate business is up to you but I would be inclined not to put it on, myself. That sounds a good plan about schools
hi everyone,
just popping bk on here today, as i had a few mixed days , some good , some bad. i am still in touch with the babys dad. i went through a phase of blaming him, for everything and being so horrible to him and angry. he didnt really fight bk . hes upset and i feel guilty. i know people have their own opinions on people overstaying but the thing is, his visa was unitl 2014 but his college was blacklisted and he didnt find anohter one in time.,not that im excusing him. but i know he loves me.anyway, as for the schools thing, i got the forms on friday and have to hand them bk to school tomorrow but im so scared about the change in case there is people at the school from my local neighbourhood and they will be talking about me. i think if i see anyone i recognise i will panic. i worry a lot about wat people think of me, even though i dont speak to them. neighbours will be talking when they see us queing at a differennt bus stop and when they see the new uniform, they will see me as a failure, and gossip aout why i changed the schools. its bad enough they dont know im pregnant yet as i havent started showing,add to the fact that they havent seen my boyfriend for a long time. they will be saying i had a one nighter or something like that.i dont know how to get over this feeling of being judged, i already had counselling and we covered this topic but i feel like im bk at square one. i just really miss my boyfriend and hes being as supportive as he can from the distance he is.sorry for waffling on , but it feels better getting it off my chest.
Glad it helps to be able to talk to us, donna77. One thing that was said to me by a therapist was "people aren't thinking/saying what you think they are.....and even IF they are, they are not worth bothering with" Now I know that is true, in my heart, but it is harder to put it into practice, it is all about raising your self-esteem really. YOU KNOW that you are doing things for a good reason, YOU KNOW the circumstances of your baby's conception. I find one really good coping technique is to pretend I am in a film where the camera and the audience are sympathietic to ME and the other people are just film extras, heh heh
Hi Donna. Welcome along. Can I just say, please don't feel ashamed, we all need support and some time in our lives.
Congratulations on your pregnancy. I was shocked to read your bosses reaction. How dare she? It isn't your fault that your boyfriend may not see his child, he wasn't up front with you in the first place, so in no way is this your fault. As for his name on the birth certificate. As you're not married, he has to present when you register the baby, and as it looks unlikely that he'll be in this country at the time, then it cannot go on the cert.
Is it possible to move from your current area?
Please keep posting, as others will be along to help with lots of advice and support. No one will judge, or be horrid, trust me.