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Hi All
I am a grandparent, my daughter is having such a hard time, her husband walked out in May (out of the blue) he had been staying out all night and going to the pub a lot, but he just up and left my daughter with two children aged 5 & 11. within 6 weeks he bought his new girlfriend who is half his age to meet my 11 year old grandaughter and shortly after introduced her to the 5 year old. Most of their friends have now deserted my daughter for him and she is having a hard time, grandaughter now 12 won't talk to her about how she is feeling, he has now told them that his girl friend is pregnant! My daughter has a hard time getting him to pay her money for the children £200 a week he is a company director taking home £4,800 a month and owns 6 properties. Everything is in the hand of Solicitors but all ex seems to do is tell her she must move from family home as he can't afford mortgage as his new partner is pregnant. my grandchildren are really upset that they will have to move and leave their friends, they won't tell him how they feel, the children are really nice to him and the new girlfriend but they know if they are not he will stop seeing them. When my daughter went on holiday he took and sold her car and left an old car on the drive, he wouldn't tell her to who or how much he sold car for. He said as the car was in his name he could do what he liked. She has not worked for past 12 years as he wanted her to be home looking after children and he controlled everything, so she has not got a penny to her name. I am trying really hard to give them all my support any good advice please.
Your daughter, if she registers on One Space, could e.mail our 1-2-1 advisors, absolutely confidential, and she should give as much detail as possible in order for them to advise her properly. This is the link here I'm not too sure if you'd be able to do this on her behalf.
Hello
No she has not contacted csa don't know if it would be any advantage as at the moment he is paying all bills and giving her £200 a week. House and another property are in both names, other properties are his name, so he cannot sell rhose in both names but he has rented out the other house and is receiving £400 a month extra on top of the mortgage repayment for this property, don't know what he gets for the others. when they were together he was very generous with money and my daughter and children wanted for nothing, now it is the complete opposite. Alas he was not generous with his time and was a bad father to children never doing anything with them, never changed a nappy, read a story, or took them anywhere on his own.
Hi there, I am really sorry that your daughter is having such a tough time. I can't really offer any advice, but I wanted to say that you are probably helping your daughter loads by being so supportive of her!
You'll get the input you need on this site though! xx
Hello nannals
Welcome to One Space, your daughter is lucky to have a fab mum like you! 
I am glad to hear that she has a solicitor.
Child Support: the CSA rules look at his Gross income, then knock off money for dependents he lives with (children not adults; when the new baby is born, this will be a dependent and they will knock 15% off for the baby) You are then left with a new figure. From this new figure, he would have to pay 20% of it to your daughter. So that is the deal she would be likely to get through the CSA.
The house: he can't sell it if it is in joint names. The court can order the house to be sold as part of the divorce finances, however, and even if the children are upset at the thought of moving then it is best for your daughter to live somewhere she can afford off her own bat. In the meantime if he is paying the mortgage then fine, if he isn't then I suggest she contacts the mortgage lender, advises them of the position, says the house will be sold during the divorce and asks for payments to be suspended for a while.
The car: it must have been in his name for him to sell it......and so there is nothing she can do about that now.
Money: has she put in a claim for Child Tax Credit? She should be entitled to that, also Council Tax Benefit and maybe even Income Support, click the blue links for details. Also she needs to tell he council straightaway that there is now only one adult in the property as that will reduce the council tax
This is a really hard time for her and there are so many practical things to think about, just at a time when really the person is too upset to be thinking about all that!
Hello nannals,Louise has given you some great advice there...
Also everyone here is very supportive and helpful. It's a lovely community here...
Hello Again
Spoke to my daughter this morning, she had a talk to her eldest last night, grandaughter is finding things really tough and says she has to be nice to her dad's new girlfriend because if she isn't she thinks he will not want to see her anymore, she said she is being replaced now he is having a baby with this girl. He went in May and grandaughter only found out he had a new partner by accident, she was moaning and moaning at her mum to be able to go and stay with him, as she thought he had left and had his own place, daughter said NO as she knew he had moved in with this girl and was refusing to give my daughter or solicitor his address, grandaughter screamed and cried and made threats about killing herself, and daughter finally told her he had a new girlfriend and they were living together ect, I spent 2 hours on the phone speaking with my grandaughter trying to explain, that her dad still loved her but wanted to be with this girl. My daughter has given in to all his request, she has now been given his address and she lets both children go and stay there with him and his new partner, youngest grandaughter doesn't understand and says she wants a brother!! eldest being torn in two by all that's going on. My daughter has been strong and says it was a relief that he left, she feels nothing at all for him now and that he always knew she would not tolerate a cheat and a lier and once she knew that was that. My daughter looks and says she feels wonderful and felt like she was walking on eggshells all the time he was there and was always suspicious with the amount of time he stayed out all night saying he was with friends or spent out of the house. Ex is really difficult with anything daughter ask's if he wants children she will say can you collect them at 12.30 and bring them back at say 6, and he will say no 1.00 turn up at 1.15 and bring them back at 5.30 and things like that, he makes threats like he could have had her done!!! for what she's done to him!!!!!!!!
This man is 40 girlfriend 22 only living together a matter of 3 months before she became pregnant, he never wanted anymore children!
Hi NANNYDUCK. Welcome along to One Space. It does seem an impossible situation for you doesn't it, and yet you're working so hard to help your mum as well as your daughter with her children. Is your daughter on disability for her ailments? Is so, could you not be put down as her carer? Please do keep posting as others will be along to offer some advice.
I agree. Your daughter could be entitled to disabled living allowance, and you could be her carer, and your granddaughter could also be entitled to DLA and her Mum be her Carer. An autistic child is often incredibly hard work...
Hi NANNYDUCK50
Gosh you are doing a lot of supporting here. What a lot of weight on your shoulders. Have you sought any advice on benefits as a carer? I have a couple of suggestions:
1 - visit the Carers UK website, they have an Advice Line 0808 808 7777. Your situation is pretty complex so to ensure you get all the information you need, you may find it easier to go and talk to someone face to face, here is a link to their organisations locally
2 - Contact our Money Advice expert, from the Citizens Advice Bureau, they will be able to tell you if there are any other benefits you are entitled to, or other help you could find.
Let us know how you get on, if you find a chance between looking after everyone! Is your husband supporting you with all of this? Are you finding time out to look after yourself?
Hi NANNYDUCK, you sound as if you are having a really tough time of it at the moment...but Anna has given you some great advice.
NOTE FROM MODERATOR, THIS WAS POSTED BY NANNALS ON A NEW THREAD SO i HAVE AMALGAMATED THEM
My daughters husband left quite out of the blue really, he had been
going to the pub, football, gym ect and staying out a lot and he just
walked upstairs packed a bag and said he was going, i think daughter and
children were in a state of shock, eldest grandaughter having a really
tough time as only a couple of weeks or less after he left he turned up
at grandaughters school and introduced her to his new gf who is almost
20years younger than him. Grandaughter was shocked and didn't tell her
mum. My daughter is very strong and said she feels quite relieved that
he has gone! felt like she was walking on eggshells when he was there,
and is now flourshing and looking beautiful. The problem is an ex
friend of her ex(husband), they bumped into each other as he was working
nearby, and he asked how she was and how she was coping, this lead to
them seeing each other and going out together, children are ok with this
as they knew him previously as a friend of their mum and dad's. They
are now in a relationship, all this has happened very quick, he told her
that he had always admired her and was happy that they are now together
and talks to her about a future together.
The problem now is the ex and his other friends, he has threated my
daughter with what you have done to me!! never mind his new gf being
pregnant two months after he left and grandchildren now have that to
deal with (eldest very unhappy about this) but his friends are now
ringing daughters new bf telling him they dissaprove and he will never
be invited to anything buy them ever again.
Hi nannals
We all know very well it is none of his or his friends' business what your daughter does now. I would suggest her new boyfriend gets a new SIM card and therefore changes his number. In the meantime if threats are continuing, your daughter needs to keep a record of abusive texts etc in case this escalates, and tell her ex that she will be going to the police
Hi nannals. It's great that your daughter and grandchildren have your support. I'm not too sure about the issues regarding the house, but is it in both of their names? As for the young children, they, like your daughter are obviously angry with their dad, and as for not telling him how they feel, this is completely natural, especially with the fear of him not seeing them should they do so. Has your daughter contacted the CSA regarding the maintenance?
Please keep posting as others will be along who can advise you.