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I'm sorry if this goes on.
Someone who was a good friends many moons ago has had a breakdown. She went through a lot in a short period of time - her Dad died, 10 months later her Mum died, having given up on life. After her Dad died her best friend was diagnosed with leukemia, which went into remission, only to return weeks after this girl's Mum died. Her friend died 6 months later.
This was 5 years ago. She has two daughters her their late 20s, and then a son who is in the same year as my youngest son.
My son and this lad are not the greatest of friends, mainly due to the behaviour of his Mum who has, I don't know how to say it other than go off the rails. I think her older daughter has been bullying and controlling her. She won't let anyone in the house, and hasn't been answering the phone. She accuses her son of stealing, lying and of hitting her, being disrespectful and shouting and swearing at her.
In October-ish, the boy was taken into care when his Mum was admitted to hospital. She has had some kind of breakdown. A number of us were relieved that the boy was taken into care. He had new clothes that fitted and was being fed properly.
For a while, he wasn't a conern. He was having weekends at home, and would sometimes call in to play with my son. I'd take him home and all was well.
Recently though, he has been 'signed off' the care list. He is back at home. I had a call of his Mum last week re-iterating how awful he is and how she can't cope. I asked why the foster care had some to an end, but she was not able to answer me.
This lad is 14, so old enough really to care for himself.
I've had his older sister on the phone hysterical, as she needs to go to her home in the Midlands as she has to sign legal documents with her friend over a business venture. I do know she has moved away, but comes home to check on her Mum. Her Mum thinks the daughter should move home to care for her and her brother...
I don't agree with that, I feel that the girls should be able to have their own life and really don't need to take responsibility for thier brother...
So... He's staying here Weds and Thurs night. I don't trust this girl and inch mind... My son knew that things were bad as this lad spoke to him in school today.
This boy should, in my opinion, and that of a friend who also has a son in the same year, should never have been signed off the social services list.
I intend to phone the social services tomorrow to inform that this has happened, and that I am concerned for the boy's well being.
He will be sleeping on the settee here, as I don't have a spare bed. My three sons already share the main bedroom here.
I would be grateful for any advice please.
I do not want him here for a third night. I do not want this to happen again (which I have told the girl), yet I cannot see this boy being abandoned.
Am I right contacting the social services? How do I put it across strongly that they need to be involved again?
Sorry to be asking.
My lot are being supportive here, although none of us are happy about this.
Thank you.
Oh Sparkling, the poor lad. You putting him for two nights is absolutely brilliant of you, and of course, shows the sort of person you are. However, he isn't your responsibility, and you're quite right to inform the social services. Just explain to them that you're concerned for him, and what's been happening. His mum, obviously isn't up to caring for him at the moment, and no, it shouldn't fall on his sisters either. They are young women, starting to live independantly from the mum. My heart goes out to him though. Does he have any family living locally that could perhaps take him? What about his Dad?
Like I said above, taking him in shows what sort of person you are, and also of course your children, but you have enough on your plate, without having to worry about someone else. Ring the SS tomorrow like you've said, and see what they say. Good luck with it all. xx
Thank you very much Sally.
I think the daughter will be relieved really if the social services were involved - even though I don't quite trust her.
I just see a vulnerable 14 year old, as everyone else seems to not want to be in the equation
Surely social services have an obligation to look out for this boy as he is still considered a minor. I hope that once you have told them about your concerns sparkling they will look into it and put something more suitable in place for him. He is fortunate that you are willing and able to take him in but I think you are wise to put a limit on it.
I do have a couple of other people phoning in today. A friend of mine is, I have found, involved as she is friends with a cousine. She is trying to sort the problem of a dog! As it stands I'll be traipsing up and down to the car, running the boy home to let the dog out. Hopefully that will now be taken out of the equation.
There is an Uncle, who is a widower (living in a big house, a farmer, and very wealthy), refusing to have the boy stay there as he doesn't want to be accused of anything - which, to be fair, is understandable.
I'm just shocked its come to this point.
He did well with the foster carers, as he had clothes that fitted and was eating. None of us realised that he wasn't being fed.
I have asked my friend to get the cousin to make sure there is shopping done, even if it's just the basics. She has seen the Mum, and doesn't feel she'll be out of hospital anytime soon.
Fingers crossed the social services will listen and will sign the family back on to the books.
My four are understanding over this. As oldest said, he'd hate to think that no one would help youngest is something awful happened.
Sad and worrying.
Hello sparkling
You have definitely done the right thing. A child not being fed is a child being neglected. It is Social Services' responsibility to provide care for children under 16 in this situation. Just be careful that your kind heart does not run away with you and you find yourself agreeing to things that would be pressurised, just because social services would find it more convenient (they are very good at that) Glad there is some help with the dog, for example.
Let us know how it goes, BIG HUG to you
xx
Hi sparklinglime, how did it go when you spoke with social services? What have they said?
I phones this morning, and was promised someone would get back to me...
Phoned again this afternoon 
The boy has been signed off their register, and the girl I spoke to has made a load of notes - including my address. They know he will be staying here for those two nights, and any problems arise for Friday to ring this girl back.
They were not aware that the mother was back in hospital, but will now look into this. She was then going straight to the manager to have a word about signing him back on, as I told her that the boy is clearly at risk if the sisters are not able - or prepared - to look after him. They are clear too that my house is already overcrowded.
I am even more concerned as the school closes on Friday for the Easter holidays.
So... We shall see.
What I find disappointing that the Aunts, Uncles and cousins seemed to have let things deteriorate without helping (they are aware that the Mum is ill).
I feel this is all passing the buck, and while I have not done much, I have run the boy home when he's been here, and kept the Mum informed. Not being allowed in the house each time means I did stop calling. I know I could have done more though.
Please don't worry about whether you could have done more, you were there and helped and have supported this boy despite having four of your own to see to, and you have now even taken him in for a couple of days. My take on it, as above, is that I want you to look after YOU in all this. Hope they are back to you with some news very soon!
His sister phoned yesterday evening to say her boyfriend is going to come up on Thursday, which means the other sister has agreed to go home. He's here for one night now.
I told her that I'd been on the phone with the social services, and hopefully the boy will be signed back on to their registers.
The older sister has a new job lined up for her in April, and she will be leaving to start it. She will be moving in with her boyfriend and starting a new life.
The whole situation is so sad.
I know, heartbreaking. You have been a big help 
He's been assigned a support worker at the school, and the social services asked him to contact me, so we've had a good chat.
He can liase with social services, which is good, so I told him how I felt about the boy being signed off. He's asked if he can contact me again.
I actually pointed out to him that I was a Scout Leader and CRB checked as the social services (I know he's signed off, so they don't need to be concerned) never asked.
He's gone from school to feed the dog. I'm waiting for Tesco to come and then I shall go and find him...
sparklinglime, please take heed of what Louise said, if you are going to support this lad, it needs to fit into your life rather than you having to cater for him. How far away does he live?
He lives about a mile away. I have expressed my concerns with holidays coming and me being at work. I'd rather be home when there are friends calling.
I am glad that you have expressed your concerns sparklinglime, did you have to go out and find him yesterday or did he come back of his own accord?
I did come back quite quickly really. Was very well behaved and I know he was clean and fed 
Hi sparkling, will you findout today what is going to happen with the lad?
I won't Sally.
The chap connected to the school has said he'll phone me if he needs further information.
It's so sad.
Look after yourself, sparkling
Do you still have him with you, or has the sister's boyfriend picked him up now?
He went home on Thursday.
A bit of news, in that his mother has now been sectioned.
I've been to a concert at the high school this evening, and was sitting by the mother's cousin. I have to say that she did take my comments about the aunt's and uncle well, but I did shut up when I realised who she was 
She felt that the sisters should take responsiblity, but did see our point when we said that they shouldn't be made to (my friend, who has a son the same age and has also reported the matter).
The cousin reckons the house is a tip - which I'm sure it is. I have said that I'm more than happy to help clean it (bleach and marigolds! With marigolds I can do lots of things...) but could only do the middle - others would have to do the high and low! Same with the garden...
Now the Mum has been sectioned, surely to goodness the social services need to be back on the case. It does sound as if the cousins are going to be acting on it. At least they know they have some help from us.
It's just such a sad sad situation (I know that's using an Elton John phrase, but there's no other way to describe it)
Yes it is awful but in one way I am glad the mum has been sectioned as then it is "official" and as you say, something will HAVE to be put in place.
What a trickey situation to be in sparkling, it does sound unusual that social services signed this lad out of the care system, when his mum clearly has been struggling, it could be that the daughter has said that she would be looking out for mum and brother and social services were reassured enough by this to let him home.
What you have already mentioned sounds fine, just sticking to the facts is best, your expression of concern and the fact that the boys mum has recently had SS envolvement should be enough to trigger a visit.