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So,
i have (a lot in the post) toyed with the idea of encouraging dad to do a b and c, and letting dad know this and that is happening with his child in scholl and outside of school etc
It's got to a point, where i feel its unnessary for me to keep telling him things ..... surely if he was THAT interested he'd ask, right????
This week, a family member of mine passed away and it made me realise in life, that you need to do what's best for you, yourself and leave others be (assuming its doing no harm).
Any thoughts on this?
Hi pink lilly.
Sorry to hear about your family member
I also used to give J's dad a run down of what he'd been up to every week when he collected him, but he would never ask any questions of his own, which used to annoy me.
Once J started school I made sure that dad was also registered for parentmail so he gets the exact same newsletters that I get by email and I have stopped filling him in. Does he read the letters? Probably not as J will often mention some special event at school and dad has no idea what's going off. But I realise now that it's his problem. If he is interested the information is there and should he ask then I would of course fill him in, but i don't volunteer information. Saves much gnashing of teeth on my part! J is also older now and can tell his dad himself what he's been up to should he wish.
I'm sorry for your loss.
I used to be the same.
I stopped after my youngest, when he was 8, broke his ankle and his Dad didn't get back to me for 8 days, which really distressed my son.
My youngest is now 15 and recently broke his other ankle. His Father didn't even come into the conversation.
I have no contact details anyway, but my older two have his mobile number.
I don't think it is possible to encourage a parent who doesn't want to be part of a child's life to do so.
It's easier without stressing out trying to make them too...
The others have said some really helpful things here, pink lilly.
Some parents find an information sheet useful. You can draw one up yourself with the date at the top and boxes for (say) school, health, home and write anything important dad NEEDS to know, as opposed to "you wish he was interested to know" For example if your son has had a tummy upset you might need to include that in case he is still not eating properly but if he is doing a project at school about dinosaurs then that is not "essential" info and hopefully that will come up in dad's chats with his son.
Sorry to hear about your family member pink lilly, i think your right you do have to do what is best for you and your children, you can't force your ex to take an interest.
I had a friend who used to give her childs dad a run down of activities etc whenever he collected their child, and would then be frustrated that he would not ask any questions about how the child was etc, eventually things came to ahead, turns out he felt he did not need to ask as he knew she would tell him anything he needed to know!
You child is still rather young so it probably would be good to continue with giving basic information or anything you think is a "need to know" and anything else he can ask about if he is interested.