This site is an archive of the OneSpace Forums. Return to forum index.
This site is an archive of the OneSpace Forums. Return to forum index.
Hi all. Louise, couldn't find original thread of mine on the bully, sorry. I haven't been around for a while, so apologies!
The bullying of six years continues, and I have now logged it with police. Nearly two weeks ago now. After endless complaining, letters etc, I finally decided to involve police, as C, on walking home, was beeped, and bully's mum was waving at smiling at him. Now, for many of you, I'm sure you'd think she was being friendly, but after everything that has gone on, I would say, she is clearly laughing at my son, and more or less saying, "you can complain all you like, but no one can stop what is happening to you"
So the following morning, I took the decision to get police advice. They were great, have a reference number, have logged everything, and clearly said, it's outrageous that this is going on, and school not acting on things. My next call will be about a visit to me and C, bully's name given, and they police will then pay him a visit! I did say that other measures are in place, so I will give this a chance. Quite a good week, apart from one incident outside of schoolon Tuesday, and then yesterday being pushed twice in the classroom!
Last night C said to me 'Are you going to call police again?' I said no as It wasn't a punch or anything, but next time he does kick or punch, then I will. C was upset, and now thinks I've gone back on my word. Yes, I have really, as the boy still physically touched him, and of course this is unacceptable.
Spoken to C this morning and said if he wants me to ring police, we'd make an appointment for a visit, and go from there. Now he's swaying, yes and no. No, because he's fed up with going through things with school and me, which I understand completely.
So, in need of support here please. Thanks
I'm glad you've been to the police, Hazeleyes. There is a lot of intimidation going on, which you need to make a note of - and I know you are. XxxxX
Hi Louise. No, police not spoken to the boy as when I rang them, told them what had been happening but also mentioned new deputy had just staerted to get involved. I then said i would give her a month to really act on it. The police lady said, in her opinion, she would give until the end of week (i rang on the Tuesday) They were prepared to start something going, but said they wouldn't without my go ahead. Does that make more sense?
Aha yes, Hazeleyes...in which case you do need to show that you have "given it time" so you can tell C that you are being consistent with what you have said. I do think a month is too long, though. Have you raised your concerns with the new deputy? perhaps there is a case for letting the deputy know that you have taken police advice but do want to allow a short time for the school to sort this out themselves before taking further action. Make sure you are not cross when you say this to them (so that it does not come out as a"threat" but more like a "wanting to be fair")
Hi Louise. Thankyou. I have told the deputy that I rang police, and she was very understanding. She has assured me that this sort of behaviour won't happen, but of course it continues. I was gobsmacked last week, when on her own instructions, she has told C to write down all incidents in a book, and then report it to her, so she can deal with it straightaway. This C has done, but last week, he went to her, she told him to see the Head, in playground at time, and the Head sent C to a volunteer!!! At that point I stepped in, and said it wasn't being dealt with. All I got was a few nods!
Meant to say, I have copies of letters since Year 3. Lots of them however have gone 'missing' but the ones I do have, are more than enough proof to show how long it's been going on for.
Ok well I think then if there is another "bigger" incident then straight to the police. In the meantime you have grounds to speak to the deputy again and say that you are concerned about things not being taken seriously. It sounds to me as if she did listen to what you said originally and that the Head has asked her not to have all guns blazing if they spoke with each other after your initial conversation
Hi. When i read your last post Louise, I didn't think that the deputy would 'back off' even if the Head had spoken to her, now though I believe this could very well be the case.
I had a brief chat with both this week, as I hadn't heard anything, ie, how they were dealing with each incident, even happening this week, but not big enough to get in touch with police over. was told that the boy definately won't be excluded, no matter what basically. Boy misses some break when (if) he is spoken too about incident. I was told something by deputy last week, and this was denied in our brief chat!! To say I'm shocked in an understatement. We have agreed that I will be updated on anything weekly, and I. Was asked to give it another two weeks for things to be sorted. The Head didn't say an awful lot, nod here and there. Quite clearly he doesn't give a shite. Staff too have told me this in the past, so it hasn't come as a suprise.
Love to hear other opinions on this but don't think my thread is looked at, so hopefully can rely on your advice (as always) Louise. Thankyou
Once again, I am left wondering whether there is something else going on in the background here. They are not doing him any favours for his time at secondary school! it sounds as if you have done what you can for now, Hazeleyes but when they say "give it two weeks" that implies they are taking some action which will take a little longer to take effect, whereas we don't see any evidence of action.
Would anyone else like to comment on this thread? People who have had experience of their child experiencing bullying? Is there anything else you could suggest to Hazeleyes?
Thanks Louise. Am going to go to Citizens Advice on Tuesday, as I really need advice on my position there, if, when, it goes back to police. On temp contract, and when I'm told this wouldn't affect anything, I'm really not so sure. Very difficult for me, but son is my priority right now. x
a few years ago one of my sons was bullied at school. It was a group of kids. The Head teacher was new and was very nice about it and when incidents happened she would send those boys in to read comic books during break.
It didn't work it got worst and worst and the head at that point told me essentially it wasn't happening when my son would come home full of bruises and didnt want to go to school anymore. I wrote several complaint letters to her with all details of the bullying, asking her for help, that year. One parent then told me to write to Children and Young People Services County Council, to the highest person, and I did write to them and sent also all complaint letters I had sent to the Head that year.
I received a letter back that first I had to follow the official procedure of bringing it to the attention of the Governors and that they could do nothing for me at the moment. But within 3 weeks all bullying stopped.
3 months later I was called into the heads office saying that the person bullying had confessed and consequently the bullying would stop. (It had already stopped months before).
the whole thing backfired for me as the Head was not very happy for me having done that and consequently when a report from her was needed for Court several years later, she insinuated some things which did not make me look good.
It worked very well to stop the bullying though And life for my son became so much better.
Hi hazeleyes. Just caught up with your thread. It seems to me there is something going on with this boy that isn't apparent at the moment. It seems to make him and his mum feel untouchable? I don't know how these things work but are there situations when children can't be excluded? You may know more about this as you work in the school system. However even if that is the case it doesn't mean that H has to accept the bullying. I think you are very strong to go to the police about this, and I was pleased to hear they are taking it all seriously.
Sorry I don't have any advice to give as I haven't been through anything like this myself. Keep persevering. Big hugs xx
I agree, PQ, it has always felt to me as if this boy is somehow immune from the usual rules.
I agree too...
I wonder if the local MP can boot the education department to act on this.
This boy isn't learning any life lessons.
It's not that people haven't been reading your thread, Hazeleyes. I have, but I really can't think of anything else you could do short of just changing schools.
My daughter was bullied at the start of secondary school (more because she was with another girl who was being bullied) - I told her to go to her teacher and tell, and I rung her teacher myself, and within a week everything was ok.
Thinking of you, even if I can't help. xx
Thankyou everyone for the replies. I just feel as if I have no support on the 'outside' No one to come and fight it with me, it is so exhausting and frustrating. I never went down the route with board of govs, as a friend did this (over same child) and nothing was done! I did ask if I should get someone to represent me, if I do indeed contact board of govs, and the answer was no.
We've decided to do what has been asked and give it another two weeks. If there is anything physical, kicking, hitting, punching, then I will go ahead with ringing police.
I honestly hope that high schools do in fact take a different view on bullying!!!
Thankyou again everyone
The school has excluded children. Two were sent home for fighting each other, and one younger lad, as he is disruptive, extremely rude (to the point of using foul language) and for threatening staff. So I know exclusion can and has been done. I will always say this is to do with the parents.
It is really difficult to say why they are treating the boy in this way it does sound though that they could have knowledge about something so are more "understanding" of his behaviours.
If you don't get any luck after the 2 weeks are up i would try the Governor route if they don't do anything at least you can go to children and young peoples services as skyflower has suggested, this would usually get a reaction. Hopefully though you won't need to go that route.
Hello hazeleyes, nice to see you
I think it's a good idea to start a new thread anyway.
What I'm not clear about (sorry) is whether the boy knows you have been to the police. Personally I think it is that which makes the difference. If the police have logged it but not done anything, saying to you "You need to let us know if it happens again" then I think you DO need to wait for something a bit more definite so that you know that the police would definitely take action. If, however, the boy knows the police are involved and yet still pushed C, then you could go back to the police and say "He has not heeded your warning"
I am thinking the first one I mentioned is the case, ie that he does not know,in which case I agree you need to hold off for something more definite. I know it seems awful but there you go. After all, when you do invoke their help you want it to be effective and not "just" for a push, even though I agree a push is unacceptable.
Do you see what I am saying?