Hi all
I am Sofia.
I am a mother of 3 children, 4, 5 and 14yrs.
I am a single parent following my divorce 5 weeks ago.
Hi tiredmum
Everythings very raw. My 4 year old is not dealing with it very well, while the other 2 dont talk about him. My ex has decided to have no contact with the children, it's really tough!
thank you for responding, I am very new to this.
Hi sofia, I`m so sorry you are having such a hard time, it does get easier over time. There are 2 schools of thought on the no contact, on the one hand it would be lovely if everyone got along and your children could enjoy a loving relationship with both parents, the other side is that in some ways it is easier if they only have the one parent as they dont have to try to please everyone, very difficult to kow which is best.
Do you have contact with your ex in laws? Do you have family support from your side?
I myself have 5 children and have been on my own a long time, it really does get easier as you go along.
Everyone on here will support you 100% so please stay, have a look at the chat part thats where we all have a general chat about the day, the recipes are great too, lots of good things for you to have a mooch at xxx
You will find that the site is quite quiet at night but during the day there are lots of people on here, I myself tend to be up late most nights bit of insomnia xxx
Hello sofia
You are very welcome here! Sorry to hear that you have been going through so much stuff lately. It is very sad that their dad does not want any contact. Is he the father of the teenager as well? You said that your four year old is not dealing with it well, could you tell us a bit more about that and maybe we can help.
Tiredmum mentioned the Chat section (click to go there) and there are lots of different parts to the site. Let us know if there is something you would like to find out about or if you need some support on anything in particualr. Looking forward to getting to know you 
Hi sofia. Welcome to One Space. Sorry to hear you're going through a rough time at the moment. I guess like all changes it is hard to begin with, but it gets easier. You say the 5 and 14 year old don't talk about your ex, do you think they are perhaps bottling their feelings up? I don't understand at all, how any ex, father or mother, can simply walk away without any contact, especially after being in their lives for so long. Is the contact thing something you can talk to him about? How are you doing? Do you have family and friends for support? Please keep posting, as it is a lovely, friendly site, and we'll all help you in whatever way we can.
What are you all doing today? Take care. xx
Hi from me too...
Hi Sofia,
Welcome!
Thank you all for all your kind words, I really appreciate it.
All contact
with my ex in-laws have ceased, that is their wish. As for my family they
strongly disapporve of the divorce even though they witnessed the problems we were
going through. I have come to accept that I cannot depend on them for any
support. it's sad but what can you do.
I accept that the transition period is going to be tough! memories are everywhere!
Hi Louise
All my children have the same father. My youngest is having difficulty
making friends at school, he was doing ok when he started in september but now
he complains of feeling lonely because the other children don't want to be
friends with him. He also asks why "everyone" (the families and his dad) have left him? it's heartbreaking and I feel really guilty. His father is aware of this but it has changed nothing. I explained to him about the divorce and that it was not his fault and he was loved by everyone but they are no longer around because they are busy. I feel like I am all over the place right now.
Hi again Sofia, It does sound like you are going through a rough time doesn't it? , but it is important to remember that things 'DO' get easier, like you said, its all still raw and it seems you have done what you can regarding explaining things to your young man.
Your children have still got you and I'm pretty sure they will get by just fine. There are some good sections on here about r/ships and seperation/divorce and well worth a read, some of the threads might help you feel that you are not on your own!
Hi sofia
You must feel pulled in all directions as you juggle all the things you have to do. Here is an article about when a parent is not around, hopefully this will give you some information and reassurance.
Hi sofia, gosh it must be hard for you at the moment. It really will get easier as time passes, I too have had no family support their choice not mine, it is sad as the grandparents miss out on so much but as they say you can choose your friends but not your family
Do you have any support from friends, do you work or are you a stay at home mum?
Please dont feel guilty, you are doing all that you can for your children xxx
Hi again...
With your youngest, keep letting him know who is there for him - same with your other children. You are there. His siblings are there. With my lot, being able to focus on what was the same mattered, I think (my youngest was 5 then).
Have you spoken to the school? I had tremendous support from them. Some issues were extreme, but the school were great. Again, school is still there, even if he is finding it difficult with friends at the moment.
Sending loads of hugs your way.
Hi sofia, nice to 'meet' you. I am sorry to read about the recent disturbances in your and your children's lives.
Louise recommended a great article, I hope you get to read it.
I wondered if you could hold a get together with all the important people in your lives at the moment, inviting your friends of your childrens age too, so that they will see that everything is not lost.
This is going to be very hard for you, as you must be grieving the loss of the relationship too, however bad it had got. Could you hold a family meeting over a favourite supper and discuss the situation?
As your 5 year old is going through a hard time the other children might be staying away from him, do you know any of the mums of the other children? Could you suggest a visit to the park together?
Has your 4 year old started school? Or will that be in September? If he is at home with you a lot, he may well be feeding off your emotional turmoil.
Does your 14 year old get along with your 5 year old? Could you have small talk with them, asking them to help you with younger two?
Sorry so many questions, just want to get to know you and support you through this difficult time :)
Hi Anna
No, thats fine ask away.
It's my 4 year old who is having problems at school, the 5 year old is doing ok in school though she does not talk about her dad with me or her eldest brother. My 14 year old is very angry with his father for abandoning us. I have spoken to my 4 year old's teacher about our family situation, she appeared to be sympathetic.
I am struggling with my own feelings, I miss my ex husband too and having difficulty accepting the finality of everything. I have been tempted to call him but I stopped myself.
Hello Sofia
How are you young lady and your children.
Its a testing and emotional time for you and your children and its time for you all to adapt to the massive change in your lives, yes its very painful and hard work all that you can do is take one day at a time and reasure your lovely children that both you and there dad loves them.
It does get easier with time believe me i to got divorced 3years ago when my ex wife meet a new partner and move to another part of the country leaving her children behind.
Its now for you to rebuild your self and do things for you and your children have as much you time as you can just the little things a hot bath at night with a good book and a coffee or glass of wine, small steps one day at a time.
There is lots of support on here so just ask we will walk with you through it, you are never alone.
Stuart xx There is light at the end of the tunnel you will get there.
Hi sofia
It sound as though your children could really do with a chat/support with a counsellor, to get their feelings out.
http://www.relate.org.uk/life-channel-young/index.html - could offer your eldest some support, have a look at this webpage.
Relate also have a Live Chat service, see here: http://www.relateforparents.org.uk/live-chat-for-parents.php. They may well have some really useful tips for you and your family to find some peace of mind again.
Youngs Minds offer a telephone helpline to parents who have concerns about a young person (aged 4 - 25yrs) emotional health and wellbeing. 0808 802 5544.
I wonder if you could create a family evening this Friday perhaps? Tell your children that you have all been through a huge upheaval, be honest and tell them that you are finding it difficult, maybe that you are missing Daddy, or at least your old way of life. But this is the way it is and things are going to change and you are all going to be ok, you just have to get used to the change. Then get everyone to say or write down 2/3 things that they would like to do on a Friday evening that you didn't do before. Don't necessarily say Yes or No to the ideas, just listen. The kids need to know that although you are hurting too, you are dealing with the pain and finding ways of moving on.
I personally believe that now is the time for treats, for you, for each child and for you all as a family.
Do you have any board games that you all like to play? Or is there a park or adventure place that you all like to go?
Hi Anna
Thank you for your advice, I found it really helpful. I will let you know how I get on.
Sofia, you're being so strong not contacting him.
When we split up, that was when the children and I used to have DVD nights. Somehow it was good to be together whilst being distracted.
Hi sofia, welcome to one space, its a lovely site with lots of lovely people who give great advice and lots of support.
Its is hard when you find yourself suddenly alone after being part of a couple, how are the children coping with everything? Do you and your ex still get along with each other.
Please do keep posting, others will be along to welcome you xxx