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hi eveyone
havent been on in a while- hope you are all well
im worried im going to get married again for th wrong reasons - such as wanting to provide a step dad to the kids, loneliness, feeling a failure whilst most people around me are married, thinking its the 'right thing to do' , rushing into marrying someone who is half compatible and ignoring the things that arent compatible.
have made all these mistakes before and yet find myself close to making them again - cant seem to learn from the past
dating and casual relationships arent allowed in my religion and its not something i can do.
i hope i dont rush into marriage any time soon for the wrong reeasons- can anyone give me advice?
thanks skyflower that does help xx
what worries me is that i have been trawling through marriage sites and had some interest from other divorced men and i think its too soon for me to be even considering another marriage and yet its the lonliness and feeling that im missing 'something '
and theres other times when i rejoice in being single and a single parent and think why on earth would i consider marrying again and putting myslef at 'risk' again
im confused- as usual!
There are times I feel the same as you and I would like again to have someone special but I really want that special friend because it is so much more lonely to be in a bad relationship.
Hi
I think it's good that you can see that you are perhaps not ready to marry. It will make you more aware, maybe, of those you do meet.
It is difficult, especially where religion plays a part in the way you can have a relationship.
I know where you're coming from with regards to your security. That is priceless.
I know this doesn't help, but, as far as you are able to, enjoy meeting new people.
I sent a post last night as a reply from my iPad but it has not posted, I see, though it showed me online,
well said sparklinglime, you were up so early.
I have those feelings from time to time but then I remember how lonely I was being in such a bad relationship, much lonelier than now and then I do something nice for myself, like putting a film on just for me, light the yankee candles or take a bath and put music on. It does help.
sparkling, will you please stop down playing what seem to be very astute comments?! Everything you said above sounded useful to me.
chocolate81, it sounds as though - in your heart - you know it is too soon to consider marrying again. Not being in a relationship can be difficult at times, but it can also be really liberating. Use this time to enjoy yourself and be with your children, and perhaps even to get to know yourself a little better? Then when you decide to seek out another relationship you will have an even better idea of what you do and don't find acceptable in a partner.
Hi chocolate81, I agree with what the others have said and particularly that if the main spur towards getting together with someone new is loneliness then it is that you could look to solve, by getting to know new friends, and building solid platonic relationships in your life 
Hi Chocolate81,
I can see how insecure you feel right now. Do you really need to make that decision right now? Or can you take it slowly, and see if you are friends first, as friends respect each other, each others pace and space and choices. Do you feel completely ate ease discussing things or do you feel you need to fight for your views ?
The consequences of marriage are huge, also financially. And also for your children. I do understand the difficulty of being alone, going on holidays as a single mum especially in hotels, the loneliness in the evenings and sometimes and not being invited because you are no longer a couple.
You do not always need to be compatible at everything and of course you can have very different interests, as that can make it fun but there needs to be mutual respect and he needs to be your friend first, before anything else ?
hope this helps xx